Never judge a book by its cover, as they sagely tell us, but sometimes the pages refuse to come unstuck. Now and then, a date can be as coy as they come, not giving a single thing away whilst you sit there and twiddle a breadstick in confusion, wondering whether it’s a defect in you.
There could be a couple of reasons for this: doubt, nervousness, an inability to trust or be trusted in return. Most of the time, it just takes a little patience to wriggle past their insecurities. We’re giving you some advice for how to do that (covertly, of course) when dating a closed book…
Be as random as you like
Life is often about leading by example. The ‘closed book’ type may be extremely reticent about saying an inappropriate thing, for fear that they won’t be valued. Take the bull by the horns – or whatever metaphor you prefer – and free up conversation to any topic that flashes across your brain.
“What do you like to do?” and “Are you going to learn to drive eventually?” might be non-starters. Instead of reinforcing the pain of idle chit-chat, go for broke, and mention how a particular hat on a gentleman three seats over makes you feel, or what you actually think would summarise world peace. Breaking the chains of first-time topics lets your partner know they can be increasingly cavalier about what they say to you, and how much they can have fun with no pitfalls.
Give a small reveal
Okay, so if you’re being stonewalled, there’s not much point going into histrionics about the challenges you overcame during school, your parents’ favourite meals, the way your childhood friend was there for you through the absolute thick and thin, oh my God, I love them so much…
Talk like this will probably make your date shut down more than dragging their personality into the light of day. Be wise about how much you share too: sprinkle a few insights about your past here and there, but keep them sparse, hinting at greater things to come. You want to be a bit of an enigma yourself while showing a few cracks to explore. Hopefully, your date will respond in kind.
Put decisions in their hands
Having to take the lead all of the time is tiring for anybody, especially those who put work into cracking someone’s emotional blockade. The closed book type can force a wooer to launch a radical attack of charm and empathy, yet they shouldn’t be allowed to seal themselves off from taking control of a potential relationship.
Actions can speak louder than words, and if you ask a reserved partner to choose a time and a place to meet, or plan a whole weekend for the two of you, then you’ll start to see how much they value your company. Once you see what they come up with, you’ll have a better gauge on whether this match is going anywhere, or how close they might be to letting you in.
It’s only right, of course, to be guarded on that first date, and perhaps a couple thereafter. Romance is a big deal to a whole lot of people – therefore, who can blame anyone for keeping their cards at chest proximity? If your genuine fondness for the person shines through, they should start to be easier, and freer, with accepting you as a brilliant thing.
If the bookmark has previously been placed in your dating story, it’s time to pick it up again, by creating a free online dating account today!