relationship

Summer flings can be a lot of fun for dating singles

Times are a-changin’

Something about the change in season, the rising temperatures and the proximity of Pimms causes most people to start daydreaming about Summer romance. While you want someone to snuggle up with during the long cold Winter months, Summer is a time for getting out and about, being spontaneous and just kicking back and enjoying life.

 

Will you, won’t you?

Of course, the trouble with Summer flings is that often, they evolve more intensely and at a faster pace than a normal relationship due to the excitement of the season and the time ticking away until it starts chucking it down with rain again. Sometimes, this isn’t a problem, both parties having entered the fling with the knowledge that the end will come and thus savouring the sweeter moments of the tryst all the more. Of course, it doesn’t always work out this way and you have to think about what you want before you get involved with someone.

 

You’ve got a crush and you’ve got it bad…

If you have been single a while and have had no luck in finding a potential partner, then when a seemingly perfect Summer fling fills your days with fun, laughter and a feeling of intimacy, you are quickly going to find yourselves falling head over heels. When the fling ends along with BBQ season, you’re going to be crushed and even more unlikely to feel up to dating other people. So consider your heart carefully before jumping into any relationships you know can’t have a future.

 

Some sage advice to follow

If you have ‘The Conversation’ to discuss where your fledgling romance is headed, be clear about what it is you want and do not settle. Never remain in a relationship with someone who only wants a fling if you want something more. You can’t change them, you won’t convince them otherwise – you’ll only end up hurt and alone.

 

But what if..?

Of course, there is the possibility that your Summer fling is the one for you, in which case, let the relationship grow naturally. You wouldn’t demand answers about your future from a someone you had only been seeing for two weeks in the real world, why would you try that tactic just because it’s hot outside and you’re in a holiday mood? If the weather turns Autumnal and you’re still meeting up from impromptu picnics in the park at lunch or discussing what to do next weekend together, relax into it and enjoy. Don’t feel the need to start classifying your relationship or forcing it.

 

Stay in and snuggle;

UK – Spend the evening playing cards, board games and dominoes while you get to know each other better. Continue the date by meeting for Brunch at Honey & Co the following morning.

 

USA – Pick a cuisine from this List of Take Out Food in San Francisco and order up a feast, then build a tent in the living room, cosy up and watch movies, chat and chow down.

 

OZ – Check out the Standard, Fitzrovia, Melbourne for some at-home comforts in a cosy pub atmosphere. Catch a trivia night or their music festival, and stay cosied up in a corner people watching.

 

 

Get out and about;

UK – Pop to Edinburgh for the day and visit Alien Rock, an indoor climbing center that will smooth out any trust issues and help you work up an appetite for later!

 

USA – Whisk your date to the Santa Monica Pier Twilight Concerts in LA, along with a thoughtfully prepared picnic hamper and chilled bottle (or two) of wine.

 

OZ – I’ve yet to meet a women (or a man) who doesn’t enjoy the odd taster of chocolate goodies, so head to Hunter Valley Gardens, Sydney for their Chocolate Festival.

 

 

Travel somewhere new;

UK – Take a cheap flight to Madrid and enjoy walking the sun drenched streets, sampling tapas and grooving to new music together at Marula Cafe.

 

USA – Take a trip this Summer and head off to Vancouver with your beloved! Try visiting the Grouse Mountain Yoga Morning for sports with a view.

 

OZ – Hop on a flight to Singapore and explore some of the vibrant cities lesser-known cultural exhibits – check out these 11 secret museums.

 

 

You know the feeling.

Along with the dread of having to get your legs out (female) or shake off your rusty dance moves (male), the worst thing about the wedding season for a single person is the spew of questions asking for details about your life. More specifically, about your dating life.

 

‘Do you have a someone special in your life yet?’

 

‘So when are you going to be getting married?’

 

‘What do you mean, you’re single? Someone should have snapped you up!’

 

Yes, it’s annoying. Well, possibly infuriating. You just have to remember that all those questions come from people who care about you and want you to be happy. They just happen to be really bad at phrasing. Still, here’s a quick fire guide from Free and Single to help you make the best of a bad situation!

 

Feel Good (or at least pretend!)

 

Even if you are attending, through some horrible act of invitational mishap, your ex-spouse/partner/significant other’s nuptials, you need to squash down any feelings of misery, low confidence and doom. If you can, take a friend who makes you laugh.

If you weren’t lucky enough to be gifted with a +1, plan something good for the day after and look forward to it. Any time you start feeling a bit gloomy during the ceremony, or lonely during the reception, or just plain sad? Think about your plans for the next day. Concentrate on them. Plan what you’ll do and how great it is going to be.

 

Look Great (invest in yourself!)

 

Now is the time for that expensive haircut or the new watch you’ve been eyeing up. Not only will it make you feel better, you’ll look better…which makes you feel better. It is a loop of happiness, all starting with putting a little time, effort or money into yourself. If you can, get a new outfit or wear one you know you look fabulous in. Now is not the time to fade into the background. Make sure you are comfy, prepared for rain or shine and ready to meet any situation that comes at you with grace and amiability.

 

Be Friendly (just keep smiling!)

 

Everyone remembers the grumpy ex in the corner, or the sulky single downing drinks at the bar for all the wrong reasons. Be the single who works the room, asks everyone how they know the happy couple, compliments everyone’s outfits – you know what I’m talking about.

If someone is impolite enough to demand when you’re going to be taking a trip down the aisle (I’m looking at you, Auntie!) have a come-back prepared. I like;  ‘Why, are you offering?’ or ‘Oh no, are you and your husband divorcing? I always thought he was cute, thanks for the heads up!’ That last one might not quite come under the banner of friendly though…

 

1. Discuss what holidays mean to each of you – does one of you prefer action and adventure while the other one just wants to chill in the spa?

 

2. Make compromises – agree to do a bit of what makes each other happy before judging. So the yoga bunny could try out quad biking one morning while the action man can agree to trial a downward dog sunrise session the day after.

 

3. Set a budget and stick to it. These days its not expected for the man to pay for everything, but everyone still has different rules in their minds of who should pay for what. Discuss money before you go and make sure you know who is paying for what so you don’t end up with any nasty surprises.

 

4. Prioritise each other. At the end of the day, you are not single anymore and while it is fine to take time apart to pursue different aspects of your holiday, try and meet-up again in the evenings for dinner and a drink, or for a walk at lunchtime, or a snuggle and a lie-in in the morning. This is a couple holiday.

 

5. Plan, plan, plan. Not to destroy spontaneity, but if one of you is a tad more punctual than the other, keep that in mind. When you are waiting for your other half to turn up for a flight and the departure gates are starting to close, that can put stress on even the most solid of relationships. Not a good way to start the holiday.

 

6. Enjoy yourselves! After all, you are on holiday! Let the freedom of not having to wake up early for work, suffer through a long commute, deal with the boss, meet with clients, eat the same bad sandwich from the corner store at lunchtime – revitalise you!

 

7. Try new things.Holiday’s are the time to get experimental, especially if you can be nervous about new experiences at home. Maybe taste the local cusine instead of plumping for chips, check out the local sights instead of just chilling by the pool and buy a souvenir together to remind you of your first holiday.

 

8. If you are a ‘I’ve got nothing to wear’ sort of person, simplify your holiday morning routine by deciding on an outfit while you are still at home and packing it in its entirety. Crisis averted and no-one has to stand around wasting precious holiday time because of a sartorial melt-down!

 

9. Both keep your own travel documents and euros on your person, but make sure you have copies of your partners documents too – that way if one on you looses your stuff, you have a back-up plan already in place to catch you and keep things from getting too stessfull.

 

10. Relax! This is some quality alone time to be together with your honey, to enjoy being with them in a new place and to experience what concentrated time alone means for your relationship. Embrace the opportunity and have a great time.

Shake in your boots time.  You’ve been dating this really nice guy or gal, you’re really enjoying your time together, things are developing nicely…but you feel the need to consolidate, reassure yourself that they are feeling what you are feeling, that you are exclusive to each other.

Bandying the words ‘relationship’ and ‘commitment’ around are traditional no-nos, surefire ways to derail your burgeoning love. So if you have to know, there are a few things you should think about before launching into the discussion.

 

1. Is it too early to be defining your relationship?

How long have you been dating? If you just answered ‘We’ve been out together once or twice’, then maybe rethink the relationship question for another time.  If you have been seeing each other regularly for a month or more, then maybe the question is more appropriate.

 

2. Don’t be scared to ask but why not just see how it develops?

If you have decided you need to know and you would prefer to know sooner rather than later, then the only way to find out the answer is to ask, straight out. None of these ‘Is He Into Me?’ or ‘How Do I Know if She Feels the Same?’ articles will be able to tell you, 100% whether his excess blinking in your presence directly correlates to his desire for you to be his one and only. Seriously, none of them.

Of course, you could just content yourself with the fact you enjoy each other’s company and that as you get closer the question will arise and be answered naturally, in a less pressurised manner.

 

3. If You Do Ask, Make Sure its Face-to-Face

If you are going ahead with it, broach the idea face-to-face. Don’t be that person who hides behind a text message, an email, an awkward silence on the phone or even a handwritten note – the best way in this situation is someplace you feel comfy together and without an audience of friends or family getting involved.

 

4. Can You Deal with the Answer?

One last thing. Before you start the conversation, think about the outcome.

If they say yes, you have an unwritten agreement in place that specifies that you are exclusively in a relationship with this person. You would no longer be single, with all its benefits. Someone will want to know about you, where you are, what you are doing – they will expect a level of commitment from you towards them that you have to be ready to give before you demand they do the same for you.

If they say no, well, where does that leave you? You could have just asked the question too early on, or they may just be treating your dates as a bit of fun, an opportunity to get out and about and be social with someone new. Either way, you have to then deal with the fact that you were ready to take things to the next level with this person only to be rejected. Do you stick together, or do you finish with them?

 

I’d love to hear your take on this tricky situation – chat to me @freeandsingle or join our Facebook Page

 

Looking forward to 2013 inevitably encourages us to look back over the last year and put our actions (or lack of) into sharp perspective. ‘What ifs?’, ‘Why didn’t I’s?’ and ‘I should have’s’ litter our thoughts.

Sure, it is easy enough to say we’ll do it all differently in 2013 – that this is the year we will work-out instead of sitting on the couch watching Homeland, this is the time for us to buy a house, go on dazzling holidays, impress the boss, find a love…

How about then, instead of just saying we will do these things, instead of just meaning to but never quite getting round to doing them, how about we try not to force grand outcomes but to work towards them as part of our everyday lives?

Looking for Love

We all look for love, one way or another. The search for someone to support us, cherish us, laugh with us and adore us is one that many people embark on every year. Often, as the result of a resolution not to be the only single one at a friend’s wedding or to be able to return home on a blustery, cold winter day to the waiting arms of someone who actually cares, instead of just re-runs of Friends.

However, these things tend not to just happen. In order for them to occur, you have to go out into the world instead of hiding away and you have to live your life and embrace opportunities. Otherwise, you will never move beyond your immediate circle of friends and family and there is no-one you want to date there (unless there is, in which case, NYE is the time to admit it. Then if all goes badly you can brush it off as end-of-year sentimentality and move on accordingly).

So make a promise to yourself this coming New Year. Instead of making a resolution you know you won’t keep past February, plan a goal that you want to see happen. Then plan lots of small steps on how you plan to make it happen. Schedule the step sin your diary and tick them off, one by one as you achieve them. Don’t be scared to give yourself a treat when you do either – bribery is an excellent way of convincing yourself to do something scary.

To achieve a goal of meeting someone special, here are some steps I’m a fan of;

  • Getting a new, flattering haircut and tips from the stylist on how to do it myself.
  • Planning a new experience once a month with friends – a day at a rifle range, a go-ape adventure, a wine-tasting tour, an evening in watching a foreign indie movie…
  • Smiling at people when I pass them in the street.
  • Popping to the pub once a week and spending some time at the bar talking to people. (Try a compliment or ask for a recommendation as an opening gambit).
  • Asking friends if they know anyone they think I might like and getting them to set us up.

 

Have a great New Year’s Eve and we’ll see you back for more online dating tips and advice in 2013!

 

Merry Christmas from Free and Single!

 

How is everyone’s day going so far? Hopefully you got a lie-in, some snow and are about to tuck in to a tasty festive breakfast.

 

Here are our Five Festive Top Tips for Sharing Christmas for the First Time:

 

1. Share your Christmas traditions. You can incorporate each others usual Christmas day routine while adding some new twists to be shared just between the two of you. Try some new side dishes along with your main meal or spend half the day in your PJs and half in your fancy clothes.

 

2. If you are spending the day with your partner’s family, make sure you pre-schedule some alone time to get your bearings and relax a little in between the rounds of conversational gambits and questioning.

 

3. Take a time out to phone your family or friends to swap greetings in the morning while you each get ready for the big day, to prevent you from feeling like you left a usual activity unfulfilled.

 

4. If you have any dietary requirements or major menu traditions that differ slightly from the traditional, make sure you have back-up options in place to avoid dismayed looks when your partner announces to your mother ‘Sorry, I don’t eat turkey. I’m a vegetarian.’

 

5. If you don’t actually celebrate Christmas, but your new partner does, decide how you feel about being involved and feel free to join in the non-religious aspects of the day and discuss them doing the same for your special festival days.

 

Here’s to a great day, lots of food and some fun times.

Have a good one everyone.

Cheer your date up and make the evening special with an unexpected gift. Whether you have only just met, have been together since the summer, or have been dating a little longer, we have the perfect gift suggestion for you!

 

If they are a parent, don’t get something for their kid – they are more than likely already spending all their spare cash on their progeny. Get something thoughtful that treats them and reminds them they are a person outside of their child’s life, like an afternoon to a spa with money for the babysitter thrown in or tickets to a movie not involving animated characters.

 

If you have only just met on Free and Single – or if this is your first date – then now is the time to add some extra wow factor by gifting them with something that will not only appeal to their character (scope out the profile!) but also shows off your sense of fun. Dump the cliche bunch of flowers and go for a bouquet of wrapped flannels before heading off to a dirt-bike track.

 

If they are young, don’t assume that they’ll be into the latest gadget or fashion fad. Feel free to dig a little deeper and look for a present that will help them progress with their dreams – from a simple personalized notebook to write in to a workshop learning to make your own shoes.

 

If you have been together for a little while longer, why not try surprising them from your usual routine with the gift of home made ice cream sundaes? Turn up with a hamper full of choice ingredients such as their favourite flavours of ice cream, some chocolate brownies or cake, some sauces, fruit, whipped cream…all the best things. Then get creating!

 

If they are on the mature side, don’t instantly presume coffee table books and twinsets. Go for gold with something that appeals to their personality, not their age bracket. Try a beginners lesson in cordon bleu cookery or a track day in a fast car to get their pulses racing.

 

So, you think you are ready. In ‘that place.’ You reckon you are prepared to start dating again.

 

Take our Free and Single quiz to give you an idea of whether you are really ready to handle the excitement of dating, of meeting new people and of putting yourself ‘out there’. It can make you feel vulnerable, so you want to be certain you are in the best possible frame of mind before you jump in the deep end!

 

1) If you bumped into your ex this evening at the pub, what would you do?

 

a) Ignore them completely, pretend you never saw them and walk back to your friends.

 

b) Say ‘hi’, then go on with your trip to the bar and continue with your evening, no harm, no foul.

 

c) Stutter a word that could be ‘hi’, blush and stumble out the door on your way home to eat ice cream.

 

2) Do you find yourself telling others about what went wrong?

 

a) Sometimes, if I’m having a particularly bad day or they seem to be in a similar situation.

 

b) Constantly. If I’m not telling people, I’m thinking about it. All. The. Time.

 

c) Not really, I don’t dwell on it. The past is the past after all!

 

3) Did you learn anything about yourself from your last relationship?

 

a) I found that no matter how hard it gets, I can always survive it.

 

b) I discovered that sometimes you have to compromise.

 

c) I learnt that most everything that went wrong was because of my partner.

 

4) A love song hits the charts. How does it make you feel?

 

a) Broken inside. I used to have that. Now I’ll be alone forever.

 

b) Hopeful. I know what that feels like and I know I’ll feel it again.

 

c) Grumpy. Yeah, yeah, what’s so special about love anyway?

 

5) Picture this: Your ex knocks on your door, they want you back! Do you;

 

a) Invite them in for tea and to discuss their reasons.

 

b) Leap into their arms and accept immediately, no hesitation.

 

c) Politely decline, telling them you had a wonderful relationship but it ended for a reason.

 

 

Tot up your answers to see where your emotional state is…

 

1. a) 2  b) 3  c) 1

2. a) 2  b) 1  c) 3

3. a) 3  b) 2  c) 1

4. a) 1  b) 3   c) 2

5. a) 2  b) 1   c) 3

 

You scored between 12 and 15…

 

Wahey! You’ve taken the time, you’ve accepted the relationship is over and you’re remembering the good times fondly, ready to move on and start dating again!

 

You scored between 8 and 11…

 

Hmm, you’re close and its possible a new path is ready to be taken. Might be better to head for a new coffee shop with your pals or a different class at the gym before diving into dating again though.

 

You scored between 5 and 7…

 

Oh er – you are in no fit state to be entrusting your wellbeing to the success or failure of dates with strangers! Take some more time (ideally a holiday) and try some new things out to get back on track and move on from your ex.

 

Free and Single want to help you with your own dating success story!

How is this for the most perfect success story you have ever heard?

It is the stuff internet dating dreams are made of.

So have a little read of Janet’s story to see how she initiated contact with Martin and how they both fell in love and are now in their happy ever after…

‘I first winked at Martin on 25th June 2011 and we had our first date two weeks later on Friday 8th July. Martin said he didn’t usually reply to winks but when he saw my profile and photo he couldn’t resist (aww!).

From then on, we spent every weekend together and gradually realised we’d hit the jackpot and fell in love. We started talking about getting engaged in August but thought it was too soon and were worried about what other people might think, so we decided to wait until June 2012 which would have been Martin’s Mum’s birthday – sadly she passed away a few years earlier.

By September we were both positive we had something amazing and changed our plans – we bought the ring but waited until Christmas day to get engaged – it was so special and Martin almost cried. We now have the Wedding booked for 21st March 2014 at Cooling Castle Barn in Kent and i just can’t wait!

If someone had told us this time last year that we would find our perfect partner online and be engaged and planning a dream wedding by this time, I think we would have both been a little scepticle – but it has happened and we are both over the moon.

We can’t thank you and your team enough – we now have an amazing life together to look forward to. It’s a dream that absolutely came true!

Online dating really does work!

Jan and Martin
xx