We recently considered 5 warning signs that your date is scared of commitment. But what do you do if it’s you who is frightened of the dreaded ‘C’ word? A fear of commitment is surprisingly common. After all, how do you know when you’ve found the one? And what about all the other fish in the sea?
Separation and divorce are far more common today than ever before. Witnessing the breakdown of your own parents’ marriage can leave you skeptical about commitment. Similarly, if you were hurt or betrayed in the past, you may fear that history will repeat itself.
However, if you want any chance of a long and meaningful relationship, then the fear of commitment must be conquered! Let’s consider how to do just that:
Face Your Fear
Facing your fear is the first important step. Try to get to the source of your worries. Is it that you haven’t met the right person yet, or are there deeper issues at play? If you can link your fear to a particular event or person, then remind yourself that no two relationships will ever be the same.
Try talking these issues over with friends, or even with a counsellor. It’s best to get things out in the open; talk to your partner if you think it will help. You may even find that he/she is as scared as you are!
Take small steps and let things develop slowly. This will give you the chance to make sure that you are serious about the other person. Make smaller plans to begin with; try a night away rather than a week abroad. Relaxing the pace will also give you more chance to get to know each other better.
Find Your Freedom
The fear of commitment goes hand in hand with the fear of losing one’s freedom. Will you still be able to leave the dishes in the sink, spend the weekend in your pyjamas and eat ice cream straight from the tub? What about all your hobbies? What about your identity?
If you’re with the right person, then you shouldn’t feel less free. Commit to someone who supports you without making you feel constrained – someone who shares your values and outlook. Remember that your relationship is just one facet of your life and that you are still you.
No relationship is perfect and every partnership involves work. If you’re waiting for perfection then you may find yourself waiting forever. Instead, ask yourself: do I really love this person and could I possibly imagine my life without them? Be realistic not pessimistic – approaching a relationship with fear and mistrust can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are you ready to meet someone special? Free online dating is a brilliant way to meet a partner. Join the fun at FreeAndSingle, and you may even find that when you meet the right person, your fear of commitment simply fizzles away.