Shake in your boots time.  You’ve been dating this really nice guy or gal, you’re really enjoying your time together, things are developing nicely…but you feel the need to consolidate, reassure yourself that they are feeling what you are feeling, that you are exclusive to each other.

Bandying the words ‘relationship’ and ‘commitment’ around are traditional no-nos, surefire ways to derail your burgeoning love. So if you have to know, there are a few things you should think about before launching into the discussion.


1. Is it too early to be defining your relationship?

How long have you been dating? If you just answered ‘We’ve been out together once or twice’, then maybe rethink the relationship question for another time.  If you have been seeing each other regularly for a month or more, then maybe the question is more appropriate.


2. Don’t be scared to ask but why not just see how it develops?

If you have decided you need to know and you would prefer to know sooner rather than later, then the only way to find out the answer is to ask, straight out. None of these ‘Is He Into Me?’ or ‘How Do I Know if She Feels the Same?’ articles will be able to tell you, 100% whether his excess blinking in your presence directly correlates to his desire for you to be his one and only. Seriously, none of them.

Of course, you could just content yourself with the fact you enjoy each other’s company and that as you get closer the question will arise and be answered naturally, in a less pressurised manner.


3. If You Do Ask, Make Sure its Face-to-Face

If you are going ahead with it, broach the idea face-to-face. Don’t be that person who hides behind a text message, an email, an awkward silence on the phone or even a handwritten note – the best way in this situation is someplace you feel comfy together and without an audience of friends or family getting involved.


4. Can You Deal with the Answer?

One last thing. Before you start the conversation, think about the outcome.

If they say yes, you have an unwritten agreement in place that specifies that you are exclusively in a relationship with this person. You would no longer be single, with all its benefits. Someone will want to know about you, where you are, what you are doing – they will expect a level of commitment from you towards them that you have to be ready to give before you demand they do the same for you.

If they say no, well, where does that leave you? You could have just asked the question too early on, or they may just be treating your dates as a bit of fun, an opportunity to get out and about and be social with someone new. Either way, you have to then deal with the fact that you were ready to take things to the next level with this person only to be rejected. Do you stick together, or do you finish with them?


I’d love to hear your take on this tricky situation – chat to me @freeandsingle or join our Facebook Page