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February 22, 2013

Five Fab Ways to Get the Spring Feeling

If you’ve been dating for a while, or even if you’ve just started, the change in seasons always gets us thinking about how to change ourselves, be better and reach our full potential. The gap between seasons is traditionally when people do the most clothes shopping, get their hair cut or invest in new beauty products to see them through the new season.

It’s the same with dating. You want to be the best you can be when you head out on a date. It leaves you confident, filled to the brim with self-esteem and ready for anything – be that a another random blind date or the potential meeting of the love of your life.

Here’s our five top tips for getting the Springtime feeling into your dates. Enjoy!

1) Add more vegetables to your diet. Start adding in more coloured fruit and veg as the produce comes into season and boost your vitamin and mineral counts. This will result in healthier skin, hair and body, you’ll feel 100% better and you’ll be looking good too.

2) Clothing. Dump those dark, dingy tones that took you from work to bar during the rainy season and consign your coat to the back of your wardrobe. Invest in some lighter, brighter new colours, knits and prints to instantly lift your mood and make you feel more optimistic.

3) Have a laugh! Head so a comedy film, or have a great night out with a friend who makes you chuckle. Laughing is proven to boost your mood and make you more attractive to the opposite sex. All that smiling will get your confidence sky high and you’ll be ready for an onslaught of Spring dates in no time!

4) Plan a trip. Now is the time to take advantage of all the early bird offers out there and book a holiday with some friends. It gives you something to look forward to on days when you are not feeling your dating luck is going too well and if you do happen to be heading into a relationship come trip-time, the holiday will give you some time apart to enjoy reconnecting with friends and family.

5) Start exercising. Yes, I know it’s hard to get off the sofa when the evenings are still a little drab and dreary, but think this way: if you had started a new exercise regime in November, you’d be fighting fit now with all the pain behind you and all the gain ready to rock at those Springtime speed dating sessions! So start now and be strutting your stuff on the beach come Summer.

February 5, 2013

Do You Stretch the Truth on your Online Dating Profile?

Typically, people who use online dating sites have one goal in common: They are all on the look out for a potential partner.

However, given that the overall aim of internet dating is to eventually meet a suitable prospect face to face, it seems strange that in order to first attract the attention of this possible life mate, they may, if not downright lie, stretch the truth a little bit to make themselves seem more attractive.

Not only does this set up a false pretense (not the best way to start off a trusting relationship) but you run the risk of attracting someone you will not actually match up with very well. If being a Marine Biologist is so important to the person you are trying to impress, they probably won’t be so interested anymore when they find out that you are in fact a Freelance Journalist.

Here are a few of the most common areas that people exaggerate when they write their internet dating profile:

Old Photo

One of the most common white lies is posting a profile picture that is maybe not an accurate representation of you, now. It’s all very well to have been a competing gymnast when you were younger, but you have to accept it as part of your past. Posting a photo of you in a bendy pose, all lycra and legs, if you now find it tricky to touch your toes and can be more often found in jeans and a tee is not going to attract the attention of someone who will fit into your life now.

Height

Boosting or lowering your height by a few inches is a popular way to fit into a category of ‘More Attractive’. Stereotypically women are attracted to tall men and men to dainty women. However, the very fact that you may one day intend to meet this person in the flesh means that this white lie will last only as long as you keep the relationship virtual. If they are honestly prepared to move onto another profile simply because you are an inch shorter or taller than their ideal, then they are clearly too picky and superficial.

Income

Lastly, boosting your income expectations can never end well. Remember how celebrities are always complaining that they never know if their admirers are truly interested in them, the person, or them, the persona with all the cash? Well, the same applies here. Why on earth would you profess to live in a manor house with a yearly income of £50,000 unless you can back it up? You don’t want to risk getting hurt by a gold-digger or being judged at a later date because you allowed the idea that birthdays would be filled with Tiffany boxes to continue.

The best bet? Be truthful on your online dating profile. By all means, dress up for your profile pic – but keep it recent and update it every few weeks. If you are 100% yourself, you are 100% more likely to meet the person who will love you for you.

January 8, 2013

Try Not to Make Finding a Partner Your One and Only Focus

‘I’ve tried everything to get a date and nothing is working!’

Sometimes the whole search for a soul mate can get a bit on top of you, a tad wearying, a little ‘its-never-going-to-happen-so-why-bother’.

The thing is, while a lot of us feel like finding that special someone is a task with top priority it can pay dividends to your health and happiness to just r-e-l-a-x. Take it easy. Don’t push so hard. Short term, you are unlikely to find someone to share in your happily ever after if you are rushing around town attending a speed dating event every week, signing up to every dating site you come across and putting out an ad in the local lonely hearts column.

Apart from anything else, you’ll be too distracted and exhausted to even notice when a potential someone does pay you some attention. If you do notice, you’ll put so much pressure on the date succeeding that it will crash and burn before it even started. So chill out.

Here’s the thing…

Do you remember that saying, usually bandied about by annoying people already snugly in a relationship? You know, ‘Love will find you when you’re not looking.’

To some extent, this is true, but you need to add some context to the saying in order to make it work successfully. You know it doesn’t work if you take it literally and lock yourself in your house, waiting for Love to discover you and make all your dreams come true.

The key is to be open to dating, the concept of starting a relationship. Having arrived at that conclusion, put a few goals in place and then go about your daily life!

Goals? But you just said to take it easy!

Calm down! When I say goals, I’m using the term as a loose action plan to keep you motivated, not a structured homework plan. I suggest that, having decided you want to date, you;

Put some time into you. Get a haircut, try a few new outfits, learn how to cook a new dish…invest some time into boosting your confidence and self-esteem so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready for it.
Sign up to Free and Single and build your online dating profile to best reflect who you are and what you want.
Organise something you like to do to look forward to and give you something else to focus on, besides checking for new messages – why not try a girls night out every Friday, a men’s poker night, a trip out of town with some mates or a spa break just for you?
Read up on how to stay safe when online dating.

Let me know how your dating adventure goes @freeandsingle! I always love to hear about Free and Single members successes (or dating disasters!)

Click here if you’d like some more tips on finding ‘The One’

July 19, 2012

10 Things to Remember on your First Date

Your first date is mere hours away and you are a bag of nerves. ‘What ifs?’ run through your head, scenarios good and bad have you packing your bag with everything from spare lipstick to bandages. You know, just in case. Well, I have narrowed down the list of things you have to worry about by graciously removing at least ten things, leaving you with time enough to pile the contents of your wardrobe on the bed. Without further ado then, here are ten things to remember for your first date.

If you are in charge of organising the date, then have a think about it to make it relevant. You don’t want to be the person who takes a different date to the same restaurant every Friday night. Think of what you know about your date already and try to include these details into your planning. Know they love penguins? Why not surprise them with a trip to the zoo. Did their profile mention how much they adore chocolate? A trip to a chocolate factory with a pre-arranged tour could be your ticket to an excellent first impression and a great date as well! Always make a back-up plan – nothing says thoughtful like running from a soggy picnic in the park to reserved tables at a good restaurant in town.
When it comes to getting ready for your date, one thing is paramount: wear simple, comfortable clothing that suits you. You want to make a good impression, so don’t choose this moment to wander far from your comfort zone and get a green mohican to appear more ‘cool’. Make sure you approach your date with an open mind and try not to fixate on tall, dark and handsome. Might be you have a thing for blondes you just never knew about.
Having finally arrived at the crucial moment when you meet, possibly for the first time, pay attention to your date! This is not the time to become self-absorbed. Pay them a genuine compliment and show you appreciate the effort they have made for you. Try not to be so nervous you whip out a generic, ‘You look nice.’ Maybe even pre-prepare some compliments specially, to calm your flummoxed mind.
Listen to your date when they are talking! Try not to dominate the conversation, you want a good back and forth to get started. Ask questions about them. Have a few conversational gambits up your sleeves in case of lulls. Make sure you are up to date on current events so if all else fails you can discuss the economy intelligently.
Try to keep yourself in the moment, enjoying the date. Reminiscing about the last relationship you were in or comparing your current date to an old paramour is the fastest way to ensure there is never a second date.
Whatever you do, avoid your mobile phone. Everyone is onto the old ‘family emergency’ get out clause by now and responding ‘for work reasons’ is a terrible excuse. Give your date your full attention. Leave your phone on silent or vibrate, have it fully charged certainly for safety reasons, but don’t answer it or text while you are with your date. It is just plain rude.
There is no way to say this one lightly: don’t come on too strong. Even if you just woke up from a nightmare where you were the last person on Earth, alone forever and you believe this to be a portent there is absolutely no need to share this foreboding with your date. You will freak them out and put extra pressure on the outcome of your first date. Dating is meant to be fun people, not an audition for marriage or parenthood!
Stay positive and show your good humour and relaxed nature. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Shouting at the waiter doesn’t impress anyone, it just makes you look like a bully. No-one likes a bully.
Ah, the age-old who-pays-for-what issue. Here’s a solution: whoever initiated the date offers to pay. The other can offer to purchase the next thing, like going onto a bar for a drink or meeting up next week for coffee. Alternate paying can help you raise the awkward point of a second date, without appearing pushy. Make sure you carry some cash on you as well, in case you end up paying for your half or your cab home – or just in case the place you’re at doesn’t have a card reader.
Stay safe. Make sure you don’t drink too much. If you need to calm your nerves take deep breathes not shots of whisky. Let a friend know where you are and tell them to expect your call at the end of the date so someone knows where you are. If you feel uncomfortable with the way the date is progressing, either bring it up or leave. Stay in a public place and be cautious. If they are a nice person they won’t mind you taking precautions for your safety.

Have a good time and remember, above all, to just relax and have fun!

April 29, 2012

Finding the One: Howard and Wendy’s Success

Here at FreeAndSingle, we love a good success story. We love them so much, we wanted to take the time to share a few of them with you, in the hopes of boosting your motivation and letting you know that love can happen, wherever, whenever (I know, cheesy song lyric alert).

So when we heard about this romance from MatureFreeAndSingle we just had to share Howard and Wendy’s story:

‘Both Wendy and I had joined the dating site last year to hopefully meet someone to share another relationship with.
Wendy and I both were both divorced last year and felt it was the right time to move on.
We both found each other through the adverts on the site and at first I saw Wendy and thought what a wonderful profile she had and a “cheeky smile and looks to match”.

I made contact and asked if Wendy would like to chat, in which Wendy replied yes. After a few brief exchanges through the chat side of the site, both Wendy and I agreed to swap numbers and started chatting on the phone. We both lived locally and made arrangements to meet for afternoon coffee and lunch.
The first date went really well and we both got on really well with each other, I already had a good feeling about Wendy, which I think people on the site call “chemistry”!
We met again and things were really good, it was near Valentine’s Day and both Wendy and I exchanged cards with some really romantic verses.
We have now been together for 2 months and have had lovely days out, walking on the beach in the snow at Filey to having our very first romantic weekend away.
We are now an item and are looking forward to our future together with holidays planned and more romantic times to come.
I can sum up by saying to anyone out there on the FreeAndSingle site that in my profile it said;

“you have to pull the weeds out the garden first to see the true flower that you like”

That is what I did, Wendy is the sweetest flower I have ever seen. You must wait for the right person and if you wait you will find your flower.
Good luck to everyone out there, you will find your soul mate as long as you are prepared to wait and not go for second best.’

March 5, 2012

Commence the Search! But are you looking in the right places?

So there you are, hiking up hill and down dale, backpack pulling you down but motivation driving you on towards the next hill…and there, as you crest the top of the ridge and look down into the valley beyond, you spy an entire village of hot single men. Err, yeah right. But seriously now, do you have a passion for fitness, but lack someone to share those early morning training sessions with?

Fit Free and Single specialises in bringing together singles who share a love of the active life, who are dynamic and sporty. Love the outdoors? After all, there is no point looking among singles whose favourite occupation is watching Big Brother to find a date you’ll actually want to talk to. Sign up for free today to start chatting to fellow fitness enthusiasts and maybe you’ll even get a date out of it!

The principle is the same for any dater – why change yourself to get a date? The date will be atrociously boring if you hate maths but opposite you is a chaos theorist eager to explain their day’s work in the labs. Think about what you want from dating, be it fun evenings and getting to know new people or possibly a longer lasting relationship. Then, think about what you like. I’m not talking picky ‘Must have raven-dark hair’ or ‘Only if they love ice hockey’, I’m talking the simple things.

Do you have a passion for reading? Probably best to ignore someone who enjoys burning books. Love dinosaurs? Don’t date a creationist.

Be flexible as well, you never know what a new person could bring to your metaphorical table – they could introduce you to a whole new world you never even knew existed. Try a different restaurant, be open to the idea of experiencing new things – dating should be about mutual discovery, so relinquish the absolute control over exactly how a date should play out. (You know what I’m talking about. No ditching a date just because he brought you pink peonies instead of purple geraniums).

Have a think. What do you yourself bring to a date that might attract someone? Do you just show up (hopefully clean and enthusiastic) expecting to be entertained, or do you give some thought to conversation topics, activities you could do together and use your profile perusal time to your advantage?

After all, the most powerful part of online dating is the ability to skip the awkward initial phase of discovering if there is anything you can talk about. You can look over their profile, exchange messages and decide if there is a spark of interest before having to worry that you haven’t brushed your teeth since breakfast, or that the shirt you are wearing has ketchup stains. Let the profile be to your advantage. Search out someone with a few common interests or features and then even if there is no chemistry when you meet, you’ll still have something to talk about and maybe even become friends, if not more.

February 23, 2012

Virtually Dating: Tips on Starting Out

Whether you celebrated Valentine’s Day as a couple or a single, it’s all in the past now. It is almost like a second New Year’s Day, as you vow that this time next year you’ll have met someone, or changed this, or tried that to improve your luck when the next February 14^th rolls around.

In this new light of promise then, why not try online dating? The success rates speak for themselves and for those reluctant to try it out, ask yourself; Why?

Is it the ability to narrow down who might suit you and who might not at the click of a button, instead of sorting through them manually in a crowded bar, stopping you?

Is the terrible notion of being able to let your friends vet your choices (or indeed, prevent them from having any say in the matter at all) without actually having to perform introductions, preventing you from turning on the computer?

Here’s one: You can peruse the lists however much you like, but you can do it in the comfort of your pyjamas and wait to get dressed up until it is actually worth it and you have a date to impress.

Whatever persuades you to try internet dating, let there be a few standards kept in mind.

-When choosing a picture, think of how it portrays you. A drunken pose with your girlfriends in the local club sends out the wrong signal, really, doesn’t it? As does a picture taken years ago, when you were 5lbs lighter or didn’t have quite so much of a receeding hairline… Take this opportunity to dress up nicely and take a proper picture of the way you are at the present (no use starting out on a lie, leads to heartache later).

-When filling in your profile, do so truthfully. Embellishments are all very well, but saying you are good friends with Prince Harry when your closest connection is your best mate’s sister’s hairdresser’s cousin who saw him once, maybe, at a bar in London is only going to make you look foolish when the truth comes out.

-When looking for a possible date, don’t judge too harshly. After all, you’re not perfect and you can’t expect every date to be. Don’t dismiss someone just because their hair is straight and you prefer curly, or because they support Manchester United. Everyone deserves a chance and your perfect match could be the least likely suspect – after all, its not like your ‘usual type’ tends to work out well for you, or you wouldn’t be here. How about narrowing down your list to a category like ‘cuddly’ or ‘professional’ and using Free and Single to aim your profile at people you actually want to be contacting you?

-Once you have chosen a likely few people to be your first dates, its time for the hard part. The making contact, the breaking of the ice! This takes bravery, it will be tricky. The good thing is that once you have a list of people picked out that you would like to know more about, you can approach them all while you are feeling courageous! Send out a message and see who replies.

-Even if it all goes up in the air and the first person you message doesn’t even reply, you can simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off and chat to the next on your list. They don’t know you just got rejected. In fact, nobody does because nobody saw it happen – it was all online! Serendipity is the bravery to just chat to people. After all, you’ll never know what could have been if you don’t even try to start with, do you?