So, the night’s off to a swimming start. Your shirt is properly ironed, a scent hangs in a cloud around your neck, and you’re wearing your best underwear. All ready to go then…
But when your date begins, you realise an awful thing: this is a huge mistake. Not the person in front of you – we’re talking about the terrible activity you’ve arranged, as likely as a wet noodle to encourage desire in your opposite number. The scene of a meet-up is crucial to having it play out favourably. Hence, we’re mapping out the worst date locations, saving you from a cock-up.
The pool hall
Contrary to what American cinema might teach us, very few romances start out over a game of pool or snooker. For one thing, these places are dingy, stung with the smell of cheap whiskey and microwaved chips. Your sensations will be overwhelmed long before the date rests his or her arm on the bar flap, accidentally smearing themselves in someone’s run-off pint foam.
Yes, it can be quite flirty to teach each other how to play, holding arms and cues and so forth. Yet for the uninitiated, there’s no joy to be had – they’ll be gasping for fresh air long before the white ball slides into a pocket for the fortieth time.
The shopping mall
Indeed, we’re fond of window shopping ourselves, but it’s really a bit of a drag when you’re looking for some focus to a date. Milling about between shops, cafes and benches that wouldn’t seem out of place in a dentist’s surgery is a pleasure reserved for 14 year-olds at a loss for how to hold hands.
We’ve mentioned previously how dating cheapskates are a no-go, and a trip to the mall (just for the sake of it) might portray you as part of that tribe. Essentially, a meet-up should have some kind of structure, backed by a price tag that’ll nestle you comfortably with good food or drink. If there’s hardly any firm idea of what to do or where to go, you’ll be walking forever in circles, wondering why you didn’t just go to a park. At least they have the luscious glimmer of a lake to get the sparks flying.
The buffet restaurant
Having the skills to eat your own body weight in shrimp is a rare achievement – one, however, that should be kept under wraps until it’s clear your beau shares this enthusiasm. In terms of cheap date ideas, a buffet table is the honourable shrine of failure, sacrificing any notion of class for a £10 menu and limitless coke refills.
The whole point of an all-you-can-eat restaurant is to pig out, unashamedly, with people who don’t mind seeing BBQ sauce on your fingers. It’s highly probable that a guy or girl won’t be impressed by such a decision, even as they politely nibble from the pasta dish. Save the buffet excuse for your 20th wedding anniversary when literally every other choice has been exhausted.
To paraphrase The Simpsons’ Troy McClure: now that you know how it’s done, don’t do it! These dating locations are a travesty, when you could be setting up a picnic, taking a beach trip, or lolling in each other’s arms to some live music. Relationships have a higher chance of igniting in the right conditions, and selecting what they are, exactly, sets the tone for a kiss or two.
But let’s not jump the gun just yet… sign up to a FreeAndSingle account, and stay away from the worst dating locations when you start to get lucky.