How do you act on dates?
We all know that if you have an intense fear of heights plus trust issues, then going on a bungee jump for your first date is quite likely to literally make or break the beginnings of your new relationship. After all, if its likely you’re going to be mentally (or physically) scarred by the date, chances are it doesn’t bode well for any future between the two of you.
However, knowing your own strengths and weaknesses is supremely helpful when venturing into the dating pool. You have the power to line up events to suit you so that you will be at your most confident, self-assured and ready to feel that spark – if it exists.
Why would you not take the opportunity to work out your dating character so you can leave the rest up to fate?
First, you have to work out your default dating style.
a) Noisy & rambling
Do you find yourself laughing louder than usual, embarking on long anecdotes and loosing track of what you were talking about mid-way through?
If you react to tension by getting louder, speaking faster or just speaking for the sake of filling the silence, then now is the time to act. Start practicing pacing your speech, keep on track of what you are saying and slow it down as you speak. You just need to calm down and then you will act more yourself. Make sure to breathe between sentences and try posing questions instead of running through anecdotes.
b) Intense & interrogative
Do you pile the pressure on your date, willing them to be ‘The One’? Do you delve right in at the deep end and start talking life goals, baby names and favorite hymns for the wedding before the aperitif?
Chill out! Even if the person you are sitting across from is ‘The One’, they are going to be so freaked out by your heavy-weight approach they will run screaming from the building at the first opportunity. Try and relax into your date, appreciate it as a way to experience someone new’s approach to things. Make an effort to listen to them and ask pertinent questions about their stories – don’t just ask to see their medical history forms and their CV, this is not meant to be a job interview.
c) Shy & quiet
Do you clam up when faced with a new person? Does your conversation become reduced to nods and shakes of the head and some nervous smiling?
If you’re shy, you will already be aware of what an issue it can be when it comes to meeting new people. The cure is practice! Don’t fall back on a shot of Dutch courage before your date, instead try to talk through with yourself why you are nervous. Be brave and just go for it – have some pre-prepared questions to ask when your mind goes blank and then just concentrate on listening to the other person. When they start asking you questions, try and answer in full sentences instead of one-word bursts.
d) Terrified & shaking
If you are honestly scared of even meeting your date, there are several things you can do to calm your nerves. Firstly, arrange to meet in a public place. Secondly, maybe keep it casual the first one or two times you meet by both agreeing to take a friend with you and double dating. Learn some deep breathing exercises (in through the mouth, out through the nose) that will force your body to calm down and stop shaking. Avoid alcohol and caffeine.
e) Calm & positive
Well look at you! If you can approach a new date feeling this zen, you are doing very well.
However, be careful that you are not so relaxed that you appear uninterested or indecisive. Make sure you still engage with your date by asking questions, listening to what they have to say and helping to make any decisions, like what to order for dessert. If they end up driving the conversation, they won’t feel as if they had a good date at the end of the evening.
Now you know how you act during a date, you are ready to implement some changes to ensure you are more confident and more ready to connect with the person you are meeting. After that, its just a matter of taking every opportunity available to you to experience that melding of minds and chemistry that signals a real relationship potential.