The time between one date and another can be a sumptuous thrill. If you’ve forged some sort of connection, your first messages can be fiery, flirty and full of possibility. Often, this leads to ‘sexting’ – the private, slightly naughty admission that your bed has room for two…
This can be harmless fun and will likely make you even more attracted to each other. But it’s tough to know where good, excited intentions become lewd and inappropriate. To that end, we’re picking through the sexting topic, gleaning some insight along the way.
So what is it, exactly?
For anyone who doesn’t know, sexting involves exchanging arousing messages; it can relate to texts, photos or even videos. The term’s usage dates back to 2004, when a Canadian newspaper examined the concept of ‘sex text messaging’ in infidelity accusations against David Beckham.
Although the word was bandied around the media sphere in subsequent years, it was the arrival of the smartphone that really took sexting into the mainstream. Nowadays, it can be seen as an inevitable symptom of our desire to share and communicate more than ever.
Asked about why it’s so popular, Dating Guru James Preece tells us “sexting can be a fun way to keep the other person interested between dates.” If you’re sure the other person feels the same way, a sexting session can bring you closer together and foster anticipation for that next meet-up.
Drawing the line
The drive for physical intimacy concerns much of our behaviour, so it’s hardly a surprise that sex and tech have become such swift bedfellows. James, however, reminds us that barriers should be adhered to, depending on how well your relationship’s turning out. “You absolutely do have to keep things light and playful. If you cross the line, then it may come across as creepy and you’ll be cut off with no contact ever again.”
Preece is an expert in these matters, having counselled his share of online daters on what moves to make. He recommends a “gentle tease” that doesn’t border on anything distasteful. If kinkier aspects of your coupling do arise, then “never send naked photos unless you know them well enough, as you don’t know where they might end up if things don’t work out.”
Should I or shouldn’t I?
Sexting can be a fun way to build chemistry with your beau, but always bear Preece’s advice in mind: don’t give too much away until you’re absolutely sure your partner is to be trusted. And when you’re in the first flushes of courtship, leaving things to the imagination can be so much better.
For the majority of people, naked attraction is a basic impulse, and sexting can do a lot to enhance it. Just remember to be careful out there; you might sink what could’ve been a beautiful, slow-building relationship by jumping the gun.
James Preece is an author, coach and regular keynote speaker on a variety of dating and relationship issues. Styled as the Dating Guru, he helps men and women work on their pickup skills, either socially or online.