single

Stay in and snuggle;

UK – Spend the evening playing cards, board games and dominoes while you get to know each other better. Continue the date by meeting for Brunch at Honey & Co the following morning.

 

USA – Pick a cuisine from this List of Take Out Food in San Francisco and order up a feast, then build a tent in the living room, cosy up and watch movies, chat and chow down.

 

OZ – Check out the Standard, Fitzrovia, Melbourne for some at-home comforts in a cosy pub atmosphere. Catch a trivia night or their music festival, and stay cosied up in a corner people watching.

 

 

Get out and about;

UK – Pop to Edinburgh for the day and visit Alien Rock, an indoor climbing center that will smooth out any trust issues and help you work up an appetite for later!

 

USA – Whisk your date to the Santa Monica Pier Twilight Concerts in LA, along with a thoughtfully prepared picnic hamper and chilled bottle (or two) of wine.

 

OZ – I’ve yet to meet a women (or a man) who doesn’t enjoy the odd taster of chocolate goodies, so head to Hunter Valley Gardens, Sydney for their Chocolate Festival.

 

 

Travel somewhere new;

UK – Take a cheap flight to Madrid and enjoy walking the sun drenched streets, sampling tapas and grooving to new music together at Marula Cafe.

 

USA – Take a trip this Summer and head off to Vancouver with your beloved! Try visiting the Grouse Mountain Yoga Morning for sports with a view.

 

OZ – Hop on a flight to Singapore and explore some of the vibrant cities lesser-known cultural exhibits – check out these 11 secret museums.

 

 

You know the feeling.

Along with the dread of having to get your legs out (female) or shake off your rusty dance moves (male), the worst thing about the wedding season for a single person is the spew of questions asking for details about your life. More specifically, about your dating life.

 

‘Do you have a someone special in your life yet?’

 

‘So when are you going to be getting married?’

 

‘What do you mean, you’re single? Someone should have snapped you up!’

 

Yes, it’s annoying. Well, possibly infuriating. You just have to remember that all those questions come from people who care about you and want you to be happy. They just happen to be really bad at phrasing. Still, here’s a quick fire guide from Free and Single to help you make the best of a bad situation!

 

Feel Good (or at least pretend!)

 

Even if you are attending, through some horrible act of invitational mishap, your ex-spouse/partner/significant other’s nuptials, you need to squash down any feelings of misery, low confidence and doom. If you can, take a friend who makes you laugh.

If you weren’t lucky enough to be gifted with a +1, plan something good for the day after and look forward to it. Any time you start feeling a bit gloomy during the ceremony, or lonely during the reception, or just plain sad? Think about your plans for the next day. Concentrate on them. Plan what you’ll do and how great it is going to be.

 

Look Great (invest in yourself!)

 

Now is the time for that expensive haircut or the new watch you’ve been eyeing up. Not only will it make you feel better, you’ll look better…which makes you feel better. It is a loop of happiness, all starting with putting a little time, effort or money into yourself. If you can, get a new outfit or wear one you know you look fabulous in. Now is not the time to fade into the background. Make sure you are comfy, prepared for rain or shine and ready to meet any situation that comes at you with grace and amiability.

 

Be Friendly (just keep smiling!)

 

Everyone remembers the grumpy ex in the corner, or the sulky single downing drinks at the bar for all the wrong reasons. Be the single who works the room, asks everyone how they know the happy couple, compliments everyone’s outfits – you know what I’m talking about.

If someone is impolite enough to demand when you’re going to be taking a trip down the aisle (I’m looking at you, Auntie!) have a come-back prepared. I like;  ‘Why, are you offering?’ or ‘Oh no, are you and your husband divorcing? I always thought he was cute, thanks for the heads up!’ That last one might not quite come under the banner of friendly though…

 

You know what? Losing love, breaking off a relationship, splitting up – it sucks. Big time. Not only do you lose that person in your life, but you lose a little bit of yourself. However brief the time you spent together was, it still will have affected you and changed you, helped to shape the type of person you are now.

 

There are a few steps the professionals will ramble on about, citing ‘degree of loss’ and ‘getting past it’. We at Free and Single agree with them, to an extent. In the face of it though, getting over a break up is hard, however you try and minimise the pain with steps. Still, when you are sat alone, wondering what happened and trying to figure out a way to blame yourself, it can seriously help to have a few well-meaning goals to work towards, to help you out of the bubble of self-pity.

 

So here are the Free and Single steps to surviving a break-up and getting back out into the world.

 

1. Mourn it

Ok, so first you have to put some time aside to simply feel the emotions. You can try and repress them, but they’ll just come bubbling to the surface when you least expect it – usually in public, like in a new job interview or as you pull into your train station. Take a few days to just wallow. Curl up in bed, don’t change your PJs, eat a steady diet of ice cream, you know, whatever helps. Just feel it.

 

2. Re-invest in yourself

Once the sobbing is over, take a shower and clean up your space. No-one is going to feel better surrounded by three days worth of empty takeout boxes. Now, take a moment to list all the things you would like to be. Cut out pictures or inspirational words. Join Pinterest. Once you have an image in your head, start moving towards it. Always wanted to see if blondes have more fun? Head to the salon. All that misery pizza causing a few extra pounds? Pop along to the park for a run. Enjoy some proper me-time and get yourself back on top form.

 

3. Join / start something new

Now you’re ready to experience something new, but your emotions are still a little fragile to dive straight back into dating territory. Now is the time to pick up an evening class or new hobby. It will fill the time you used to spend together, so you won’t be sat at home thinking about what you used to do when you were in a relationship and it will give you something exciting to think about and focus on. Always felt arty? Try a life drawing class. Confused about golf? Check out a club open day and some lessons. Like to go fast? Join a racing track.

 

4. Be open to socialising

Now that you have semi-recovered, you need to do the final and hardest thing: get back out into the world, for real. You’re looking great, you have a fabulous new hobby to talk about and you have a bunch of friends who would love to see you smiling again. So head out for dinner with the girls, or pop to the pub with your mates. No pressure to go looking for love, you are just readjusting to a world without your relationship. Enjoy it. Have a few beers, or buy those shoes, knowing you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone when you get home.

 

5. Try dating again

Once you feel whole again, let your friends know. They can set you up with people for a no-pressure reintroduction to dating. Log onto Free and Single and start browsing profiles. You never know who you might meet. Keep going to your evening class or hobby, or gym, or local park and be open to smiling and saying hi to other people you come across. Feel good about yourself, and the rest will follow.

 

Good luck!

‘I’ve tried everything to get a date and nothing is working!’

Sometimes the whole search for a soul mate can get a bit on top of you, a tad wearying, a little ‘its-never-going-to-happen-so-why-bother’.

 

The thing is, while a lot of us feel like finding that special someone is a task with top priority it can pay dividends to your health and happiness to just r-e-l-a-x. Take it easy. Don’t push so hard. Short term, you are unlikely to find someone to share in your happily ever after if you are rushing around town attending a speed dating event every week, signing up to every dating site you come across and putting out an ad in the local lonely hearts column.

 

Apart from anything else, you’ll be too distracted and exhausted to even notice when a potential someone does pay you some attention. If you do notice, you’ll put so much pressure on the date succeeding that it will crash and burn before it even started. So chill out.

 

Here’s the thing…

 

Do you remember that saying, usually bandied about by annoying people already snugly in a relationship? You know, ‘Love will find you when you’re not looking.’

 

To some extent, this is true, but you need to add some context to the saying in order to make it work successfully. You know it doesn’t work if you take it literally and lock yourself in your house, waiting for Love to discover you and make all your dreams come true.

 

The key is to be open to dating, the concept of starting a relationship. Having arrived at that conclusion, put a few goals in place and then go about your daily life!

 

Goals? But you just said to take it easy!

 

Calm down! When I say goals, I’m using the term as a loose action plan to keep you motivated, not a structured homework plan. I suggest that, having decided you want to date, you;

  • Put some time into you. Get a haircut, try a few new outfits, learn how to cook a new dish…invest some time into boosting your confidence and self-esteem so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready for it.
  • Sign up to Free and Single and build your online dating profile to best reflect who you are and what you want.
  • Organise something you like to do to look forward to and give you something else to focus on, besides checking for new messages – why not try a girls night out every Friday, a men’s poker night, a trip out of town with some mates or a spa break just for you?
  • Read up on how to stay safe when online dating.

Let me know how your dating adventure goes @freeandsingle! I always love to hear about Free and Single members successes (or dating disasters!)

 

Click here if you’d like some more tips on finding ‘The One’

 

Fancy a great date night this Friday but not sure of what to do due to the dropping temperatures and rising prices? Here are our Free and Single ideas for indoor dates;

 

Get back in touch with your heritage

If you have been on a few dates now and really trust each other (Stay Safe Online Dating!) then it might be a good idea to try staying in and cooking a meal. There are loads of variations on this, but why not try each bringing a dish from your respective family origin and teach each other about what makes you you. Our Asian Free and Singles could try dishes from different regions of Asia and our Black Free and Singles could discover differences from Barbadian cuisine to African specialities.

 

Get in the holiday mood

If your faith is an important part of your life, you need your date to understand that and the holidays are the perfect time to introduce someone you are interested in to your community. Why not head to a carol concert at your church, Christian Free and Singles and enjoy singing together? Don’t forget to stay afterwards for mulled wine and mince pies while chatting with other members of your congregation.

 

Try something that is simply fun

As we approach the festivities of December, it’s time to get back to the innocent delight in the season – remember when Christmas was fun and exciting? You didn’t have to worry about being the single one at the family ‘do or about what to wear to the Office party. Cuddly Free and Singles and Divorced Free and Singles, get ye to your nearest ice rink and have an awesome time with your date, whether you are whizzing around the centre of the rink or clinging onto the side.

 

Stay in touch with the next generation

For our Mature Free and Singles, many of you will have grandchildren you may be looking to spend more time with and for our Free and Single Parents, it’s good to have some time just hanging out with your kids instead of having to actively parent them. Choose an activity you can all do together without distractions, like baking and decorating cupcakes or playing some good old fashioned board games like Monopoly or Cluedo.

 

Push your boundaries

Here’s a good’un for our Professional Free and Singles which our Wealthy Free and Singles should enjoy too. Head to your nearest theater and buy tickets for the next showing of whatever is on – be it the Vagina Monologues, Shakespeare’s Midsummer Nights Dream or a production of Calendar Girls. You get out of it if you have seen it before, but otherwise this is a great way to spark of a discussion and find out about something you wouldn’t have otherwise tried.

 

Try something new outside your comfort zone

This one is perfect for both out Young Free and Singles who are still looking to define what they want out of a relationship and our Fit Free and Singles who are up for some fitness-based fun. Head to the gym this weekend and bond with each other by trialing a new class together. You’ll help to motivate each other and push each other to be better – if it all goes horribly wrong, you’ll be there at the end to pick each other back up and try something else next time!

Have a great date at the seaside, check out Fit Free and Single for beach bunnies

 

With all this rain we’ve been having it seems appropriate to have a list of inside activities you can do away from your own home – after all, meeting someone you’ve met online should, for the first time at least, occur in public. If you have any ideas or wild successes, do please send them in!

 

For the Young Free and Single, Summer automatically calls to mind long, warm, balmy days that you can spend outside at the beach or the park. However, if its rainy, the lure of the parental residence is not so appealing. Instead of turning to cinemas, which are entertaining but not exactly great if you are trying to get to know someone, look outside the box. Try an indoor ski slope and try your hand (or should that be your feet?) at learning to ski or snowboard. Learning a new activity together really sparks off the conversation and makes sure there are no awkward pauses! If you’re looking for something a bit more chilled, why not sign up for a baking class and make each other cupcakes while brushing flour off your noses?

 

Free and Single Parents have a double whammy to think of new activities – more likely than not your kids will be involved in the outing. A visit to a historical site can be perfect. Jousting tournaments and characters entertain the kids (often there will be kids-only crèches or activities) while well-deserving parents can take a stroll through the grounds, learn a bit of history or just sneak into the café and enjoy a cream tea. If your kids are a little bit older, why not try a fun activity day like ‘Go Ape’, where you all get harnessed up and swing through the trees, teasing each other and motivating everyone – it’s a great way to forge bonds and encourage interaction.

Summer fling or blossom into a full relationship?

 

While Summer has not exactly been a blast of hot air this year (more of a damp squib!) there are still great things you can plan to make your days off from the daily grind that bit more exciting. How best to experience new adventures, than with a new person to help explore and shine a new perspective on things?

 

For the health nut who likes to check on Fit Free and Single, why not charm a skittish athlete into discovering the joys of an early morning run? Indeed, a day trip could be created to visit a new area, take in a view, play Frisbee or mini golf and then partake in a tasty, well-balanced picnic. Even if the weather backs out on you, I find nothing can bring together new people like competition. Head to an indoor leisure centre for a frolic in the pool, a friendly battle in the squash courts or even head to the pub for a game of snooker or darts.

 

Summer for the Mature Free and Single can open up a whole world of opportunities. When you know there are places you wish to visit, but the appeal lessens without someone to accompany you? Find a likely compatriot on Free and Single and you can spend the entire season, (and beyond!) exploring new ground and reminiscing about previous adventures. I think a stroll along the coast in Cornwall or Kent, followed by fresh seafood and leisurely drinks is a sure fire way to entertain. Maybe you would prefer something even more cultural and could take a day trip to a local gallery or a hands-on craft activity such as pottery painting?

 

Come back for part two where I muse on date ideas for Young Free and Singles and Free and Single Parents!

Free and Single want to help you with your own dating success story!

How is this for the most perfect success story you have ever heard?

It is the stuff internet dating dreams are made of.

So have a little read of Janet’s story to see how she initiated contact with Martin and how they both fell in love and are now in their happy ever after…

‘I first winked at Martin on 25th June 2011 and we had our first date two weeks later on Friday 8th July. Martin said he didn’t usually reply to winks but when he saw my profile and photo he couldn’t resist (aww!).

From then on, we spent every weekend together and gradually realised we’d hit the jackpot and fell in love. We started talking about getting engaged in August but thought it was too soon and were worried about what other people might think, so we decided to wait until June 2012 which would have been Martin’s Mum’s birthday – sadly she passed away a few years earlier.

By September we were both positive we had something amazing and changed our plans – we bought the ring but waited until Christmas day to get engaged – it was so special and Martin almost cried. We now have the Wedding booked for 21st March 2014 at Cooling Castle Barn in Kent and i just can’t wait!

If someone had told us this time last year that we would find our perfect partner online and be engaged and planning a dream wedding by this time, I think we would have both been a little scepticle – but it has happened and we are both over the moon.

We can’t thank you and your team enough – we now have an amazing life together to look forward to. It’s a dream that absolutely came true!

Online dating really does work!

Jan and Martin
xx

It can make you nervous, but you have everything to gain in looking for love later in life

So you’ve been out of the game for a while.

 

Maybe you were married, maybe you have been busy raising kids or maybe you were looking into becoming one with the universe. Either way you have now made a choice to start the intriguing, sometimes painful and often highly entertaining path of looking for a new partner in the online dating world.   Thing is, you may be older and wiser now but it still feels like you have never dated before in your life. For some of our more mature denizens, that may even be true – different times, different traditions!

 

Whether dipping your toes into the pool for the first time or after an extended break from relationships, it doesn’t have to be the scary rip tide you are expecting. Instead, let yourself approach it as you would a holiday. Let yourself relax, and get ready to try new things.

 

People always say that by the time you are older you have discovered what and who you like, you know more about yourself than you ever did before and you are more confident in every aspect of your life. This could be true, but I defy anyone not to feel at least a slight twinge of nervousness before embarking on a new date, or even submitting a profile to Free and Single for the first time!

 

However, I would encourage you to enjoy the nervous flutters, to let yourself be excited and to discover whether you and your date have chemistry, are going to end up just friends or whether you just downright loathe each other on sight! After all, at the end of the day its another tale to add to your story and the anecdote, good or bad, will make for fabulous retelling at a dinner party or reunion event.

 

Excellent, having decided to take the leap, lets discuss venues. Dinner a deux is a classic of course, but a tad extreme if you are really nervous to put yourself right into the conversational gambit mode! May I suggest an activity to ensure a topic to talk about should all else fail you? You could visit a vineyard or a cidery and have a tasting, you could visit an aquarium to point at strange underwater creatures and shudder at sharks or you could hire vespas and take a tour of the town before stopping at a roadside inn to discuss the views and the people you passed.

 

I’m a big fan of alternative dates where imagination is key and just letting yourself enjoy it comes first, so put those thinking caps on! I’d love to hear your ideas too, so please tweet me @freeandsingle and have a look at Free and Single Parent or Mature Free and Single to find others in similar positions.

Whether you celebrated Valentine’s Day as a couple or a single, it’s all in the past now. It is almost like a second New Year’s Day, as you vow that this time next year you’ll have met someone, or changed this, or tried that to improve your luck when the next February 14th rolls around.

 

In this new light of promise then, why not try online dating? The success rates speak for themselves and for those reluctant to try it out, ask yourself; Why?

 

Is it the ability to narrow down who might suit you and who might not at the click of a button, instead of sorting through them manually in a crowded bar, stopping you?

 

Is the terrible notion of being able to let your friends vet your choices (or indeed, prevent them from having any say in the matter at all) without actually having to perform introductions, preventing you from turning on the computer?

 

Here’s one: You can peruse the lists however much you like, but you can do it in the comfort of your pyjamas and wait to get dressed up until it is actually worth it and you have a date to impress.

 

Whatever persuades you to try internet dating, let there be a few standards kept in mind.

 

-When choosing a picture, think of how it portrays you. A drunken pose with your girlfriends in the local club sends out the wrong signal, really, doesn’t it? As does a picture taken years ago, when you were 5lbs lighter or didn’t have quite so much of a receeding hairline… Take this opportunity to dress up nicely and take a proper picture of the way you are at the present (no use starting out on a lie, leads to heartache later).

 

-When filling in your profile, do so truthfully. Embellishments are all very well, but saying you are good friends with Prince Harry when your closest connection is your best mate’s sister’s hairdresser’s cousin who saw him once, maybe, at a bar in London is only going to make you look foolish when the truth comes out.

 

-When looking for a possible date, don’t judge too harshly. After all, you’re not perfect and you can’t expect every date to be. Don’t dismiss someone just because their hair is straight and you prefer curly, or because they support Manchester United. Everyone deserves a chance and your perfect match could be the least likely suspect – after all, its not like your ‘usual type’ tends to work out well for you, or you wouldn’t be here. How about narrowing down your list to a category like ‘cuddly’ or ‘professional’ and using Free and Single to aim your profile at people you actually want to be contacting you?

 

-Once you have chosen a likely few people to be your first dates, its time for the hard part. The making contact, the breaking of the ice! This takes bravery, it will be tricky. The good thing is that once you have a list of people picked out that you would like to know more about, you can approach them all while you are feeling courageous! Send out a message and see who replies.

 

-Even if it all goes up in the air and the first person you message doesn’t even reply, you can simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off and chat to the next on your list. They don’t know you just got rejected. In fact, nobody does because nobody saw it happen – it was all online! Serendipity is the bravery to just chat to people. After all, you’ll never know what could have been if you don’t even try to start with, do you?