what not to do on dates

We’ve all been there, right? You look back over the date you just had and realise that maybe your 1 hour treatise on the tapeworm your pet has was not appropriate dinner conversation? Or that the zeal in your date’s eyes as they described their perfect women was a little bit too intense for your liking?


Here’s what not to do on a date;


1.  Right, first things first. No matter how much you want them, no matter how late you feel you are leaving it or how much you want this date to be The One, do not obsessively talk about babies. Sure, if you see a cute baby, feel free to say, ‘Aww, cute baby.’ Don’t feel the need to go over to said baby, coo at it, question it’s mother closely about it’s every move and then have to be dragged away while sobbing incoherently about ticking clocks. Instant turn off.


2. Never be late. If you honestly cannot prevent it, call ahead, that is what phones are for. If you are going to be more than 30 minutes late, prepare to make up for it. If you are trapped in an important meeting/broken elevator/childcare situation, then call ahead as soon as you know you won’t make it and reschedule immediately. Never assume you can wing it through the meeting then run across town and just be 40 minutes late without telling anyone.


3. Passion is a good thing. Anger, intolerance or unending rants are not. If you feel strongly about a topic that comes up, feel free to share your feelings with your date – after all, you are there to learn about each other. However, be tactful, remain calm and keep to the point. Don’t become the overbearing lunatic they remember for lecturing them about the benefits of homeschooling through the appertif, the starter, the main, the dessert and the cheese course. You will never hear from them again and they will possibly escape out of the bathroom window half-way through the evening.


4. Lots of people are looking for love, partnership, marriage, commitment. Male or female, don’t become the dreaded ‘Bridezilla’ who details your perfect ceremony within five minutes of meeting a potential lifemate. You run the risk of looking more interested in the big party and the presents than the contract a wedding celebrates – that of lifelong partnership and support. Resist the temptation to interrogate your date about their marriage prospects and leave that chestnut for another time, when you are further into the relationship than the hors d’oeuvres.


5. Yes, it is scary and nerve wracking to meet someone for the first time, especially when you feel pressure and hope for that person to be, you know, it. The One. Being intoxicated is something alcoholics and drug addicts do, if you don’t want to appear to be teetering on the edge of sane control or about to be shipped off to prison for possession, refrain from imbibing too much or taking anything suspect. Unless you are an alcoholic or drug addict, in which case cancel your date and head off to rehabilitation therapy instead.


The moral of the story? When on a date, be calm, collected and view yourself from afar to keep yourself in check. There is plenty of time for them to discover your collection of garden gnomes, your need to eat a chocolate hobnob every day at 4pm and your desire to make tutus for future baby girls. However, save those gems for a later date, when they will appear charming instead of crazy.