In the majority of our social makeup – say, 90% or more – we’re calm, sensible, nice people, putting on a polite face for our friends and colleagues. Our ties are tight, our buttons are done up… Yet when we’ve been on the dating scene for a while, and have found a great match, we can look forward to something a little looser and more revealing. Safe online dating doesn’t mean reigning in our naughty side…
We are, quite obviously, talking about sexting, the dizzy jolt to your pleasure centre that comes from someone you like and trust. Here are some ground rules to keep in mind, though:
1. Until you establish a comfort zone, tread with care
Sex is as wild, wonderful and strange as the people who seek it. Your kinks may not have an immediate twin with those of your online dating partner; therefore, before going full-pelt with your fantasies, test the water. What are they into? How far have they explored a fetish, and what kind of language do they like to use?
Being too vulgar can offend someone, unknotting weeks or months of fond dialogue between you. Start out with general flirtatiousness, then try out some easy, quasi-innocent turn-ons to see if you’re on the right lines.
2. Avoid persistent requests for photo/video
In the media, sexting is often vilified by the shame stories that emerge: this or that nude photograph was spread after a relationship ended, and now far too many people have seen it, disseminated as a form of revenge. Everyone is at risk – teenagers, middle-aged people, even celebrities in the public eye.
Safe online dating means you should be very, very wary of sending intimate images to someone, especially if they don’t return the favour. Visual sexting can be a fantastically exciting tease for your next meet, but there’s always a chance that a Skype camera session will be recorded, or that they’ll screenshot your Snapchat.
Put simply – if your partner isn’t willing to share their own pics or footage, then there isn’t enough mutual trust to feel at ease with.
3. Stay sober for safe online dating
If you’re an energetic, passionate person, then you may be tempted to reach for the keyboard after a big drinking session with your mates, full of a sudden erotic appetite. The FreeAndSingle team, however, suggest you cool down a bit, and refrain from the X-rated stuff until you have a clear frame of mind.
Think for a moment: it’ll be a total, humbling failure if you do the online equivalent of slurring into someone’s ear, feeling much more articulate than you actually seem. Either of our above rules can be broken by letting your love talk off the leash. If you’re far from sober, you’ll likely ramble, or say things you’ll regret, which’ll be the impression anyway if you admit to being plastered in the morning.
Remaining safe in online dating is a challenge, no doubt, when someone is really turning you on. Make sure you spend time with your partner in the flesh before you move to the sexting phase. Otherwise, they may just be after a remote, vicarious thrill, which is so much less than a real physical relationship.
Sign up for free online dating if you’re keen to see where your instincts fall with a dater who’s equally imaginative and spirited!