tips

New Shoes? What does that have to do with dating?

We all start to get that back-to-school feeling around about now, thanks to years spent schlepping around the shoe shops with our mum’s trying to find a pair that fit properly. Personally, it was the hours spent staring at all the different pencil case options that come back to haunt me.

 

If you are a parent yourself, I’m sure you know this feeling all too well at the moment. Even if you’re not buying up school uniform for troublesome tots right now, its worth harking back to that new year, new you feeling now, instead of waiting four months to make a change on the 31st of January. Apart from anything else, we all know it is harder to keep resolutions when it is cold and raining and for the majority of us (I’m watching you, Oz!) that is what January heralds. So, lets embrace the start of the new school year as a time of reinvention and put our dating good intentions to good use now instead of later.

 

New Season Dating Resolutions to Stick to

1. Unpack and wash your baggage. Okay, I admit this sounds weird, but hear me out; we all come with a past, it’s what makes us who we are. The key is to accept your past, good or bad and move on. Let it go, stop rehashing it and get ready to make a future. Either get a therapist, a friend or write a private letter outlining all your feelings about the past. Let it all out, sort through it and learn to forgive and forget. You don’t want to drag all this old stuff into your new, shiny, beautiful future relationship, do you?

 

2. Say yes. To everything. Really, unless you are about to burn out from all the social interaction (or go bankrupt), then saying yes is guaranteed to get you places you wouldn’t usually go, meeting new people and experiencing different things. This makes you more likely to meet someone you’ll actually be interested in and well as more interesting when you do go out. Being able to talk about your latest adventure can be a godsend if you’re feeling nervous before your first date.

 

3. Make time for ‘Me’ time. It isn’t selfish, it is necessary, stop making excuses. Find a time when everyone else who usually makes demands on you can be otherwise occupied and claim it for you own. Make it a routine, so everyone knows not to bother you between 8pm – 9pm on a Wednesday evening. Take that time to put effort into you – bathe, shave, get your hair done, paint your nails, sort out a date outfit you feel comfy in, whatever makes you feel good.

 

4. Be open to opportunity. If you’re on the bus and a cute girl looks you up and down, smile back. If you’re buying your morning coffee and the guy behind you orders the same, strike up a conversation. It is all practice, chatting to people, making new friends and acquaintances – and you never know, that guy behind you in line to the train ticket machine? You might not get a spark with him, but his tennis partner might be searching for a women just like you.

 

5. Set aside time to look at Free and Single. Revamp your profile to include all your new experiences, interests and hobbies. Keep your picture updated to reflect your new hair cut or pink lipstick obsession. Routinely give yourself 30 minutes or more to browse your messages, reply, check over new profiles and chat to new people. Online dating gives you a pool of people all looking for the same thing, without having to winnow them out in a bar. However, it isn’t effortless, you still have to be involved in order to get results.

 

Go forth and keep your resolutions, add a few of your own, make some positive changes for you and watch the dates come rolling in!

Let us know how you get on in the comments 🙂

What are your internet dating resolutions to find a partner before Christmas?

Go to an exhibition to show off your cultural cahonies

In the UK? Try visiting London for the Life and Death in Pompeii and Herculaneum exhibit, where you’ll leave with a real sense that life is precious.

In Oz? Pop to Melbourne to sample some of the city’s renowned art and see One Hundred and Twenty Seconds crowdfunding art project in Federation Square, teaching you to make the most of every moment.

In the USA? Why not head over to see Upstream Colour, a new film released in early April and enjoy a giggle together in the back of the cinema as the baffling story plays out in front of your eyes.

 

Head to a sporting event together

In the UK? Head to the FINA Diving World Series in Edinburgh to catch a glimpse of some of the world’s best high divers doing what they do, all while wearing nothing more than teeny tiny pants.

In Australia? Get yourselves to Canberra to support the Australian Running Festival and maybe even spark off some inspiration to attempt a marathon yourselves.

In the USA? Head to Georgia for the Golf Masters Tournament. Take a picnic and enjoy a stroll around the grounds watching the best golfers in the world make their moves.

 

Check out a food festival to share new tastes with each other

In the UK? Visit the Lancashire Food Festival and let your taste buds be tempted by the huge array of delicacies on offer. Don’t forget to share, this is no place for chip-watching.

In Oz? Check out the Kangaroo Island Seafood Festival and gobble platefuls of freshly caught fish, as well as enjoying seaside BBQs and campfire cooking.

In America? Find a festival dedicated to everyone’s favorite breakfast item and go to BaconFest, in Chicago to sample bacon from producers all over the country.

 

Have a great date, wherever you are and let us know in the comments whether you have any tips for date ideas to do in May!

 

 

Dating advice can often be women-centric or else completely unrealistic because it is published in a men’s magazine which strives to maintain a sense of macho pride. The best people to ask about how you’re doing on a date are the women you are dating. Of course, actually asking the very women you are sitting across the table from at dinner is likely to look needy and a tad insecure, so we are here to help!

 

We have gathered some advice from women about what their recent male dates could have done to take the date from blah to huzzah!

 

Top 5 Tips About Dating for Guys

 

1) Manners are important. If you don’t want to drive her off immediately, be polite. That means tone down the swearing in conversation, pull back her chair for her at dinner, offer to pay the bill, hold the door for her, chew with your mouth closed. Yes, some women nowadays find this type of action an affront to their feminist values. Most will just be charmed that you were chivalrous enough to do it.

 

2) Listen. The point of dating is to find out about the other person and in so doing, determine whether you like them enough to have another date. It is a proven fact that people love to talk about themselves, but by showing interest in what your date has to say, you will actively be proving your worth as an attentive human being and a great date.

 

3) Relax. I know it’s hard, everyone experiences nerves on a date. However, think of something that calms you down and then channel that calm, confident person. Women don’t tend to like feeling like they are terrifying their date speechless, so if you are so nervous about your date that it is affecting your ability to talk, try practicing by putting yourself in situations where you will have to talk to strangers.

 

4) Make an effort. It’s nice to know that you value yourself, it makes you look like someone a women could value in turn. If you show up to your date in scruffy jeans, a hoodie and a baseball cap then it just shows that you value your own comfort above the need to make a nice first impression on your date. Either that, or you’re a college student.

 

5) Honesty. There is no need here to go on a full conversational leap through the ins and outs of your dating life for the last four years. If you feel that you are a part of a situation that could affect your potential relationship, such as going through divorce proceedings or that you have a child, never hide this fact. It’s part of the package deal and if they like you, they’ll let it go. If it’s too much of a deal breaker for your date, better for both of you that you find out sooner rather than later.

 

 

In the last post, we covered the tricky issues surrounding the truth on dating profiles. In this post, we’re going to take a look at three  qualities in your online dating profile that really affect how people see you.

 

Lifestyle

Potential dates looking at your profile are going to be interested in the life you lead and your interests, primarily to see if you are compatible. However, don’t underestimate the few who look at your life and think, ‘Hmm, I’ve always wanted to be an artist’s muse/Ad-man’s wife/Equestrian’s partner.’  Some lifestyles have the allure of the big screen depictions and people can often fall for the idea of the glamour, instead of the reality. So if you are an accountant for a small firm in Scotland, you will probably be offered less dates than a plastic surgeon who attends all the latest parties in LA. Silver lining: the dates you do get offered will probably be more meaningful and high quality because the people asking are actually interested in you, and not just your ability to get on the VIP list.

 

Marital Status

This should be a no-brainer. Unless you are on a cheaters-style hook-up site (which I do not condone), you should not be looking to get involved with anyone who is already spoken for. Just don’t do it.  If they are displaying that they are married, move right along. Of course, in this day and age, it’s no longer as simple as ‘Single’ or ‘Married’. There are a whole sea of divorced, partnered, single parents,  complicated relationships out there. You shouldn’t let something like divorce put you off if the person in question sounds like a great match – but go into it aware of their history and sympathetic to their needs.

 

Age

Age is a tough one. Some people can find their soul mate, but a few decades too late to be the same age at the same time. Age in a relationship is really only down to society – in Regency times, 18 year old girls were married to 34 year old men, because that was the norm.  In Roman times, 10 year old’s could be married to join two families together. Nowadays, while we all have the freedom to choose a partner from any walk of life, there can still be a lot of prejudice against couples who are not close in age. You’ll have to get to know someone before you can write them off completely, but you should base your initial impression on age unless it is a real issue for you.

 

Here are some of our top tips for getting to know your potential dates online before you take the next step of meeting up on a date.

 

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Talking together should be an enjoyable exchange, a give and take with no one person doing all the talking. Try to make it easier for the conversation to flow by asking open-ended questions like; ‘Where would you like to go travelling?’ rather than; ‘Would you like to go to Rome?’

 

‘Listen’ and Respond Appropriately

If someone has gone to the time and effort to respond to you, they must be open to getting to know you and vice versa. However, be wary of responding to their message with a list of stuff about you – remember to reply and show interest n what they have said. Try to think about how you would respond if this was a face-to-face conversation instead of an email message.

 

Don’t Play Hard to Get – You Are On a Dating Site, so be open about what you are looking for

People who go online to find a date and then play hard to get are missing the point – you are on a dating website, clearly you are looking for a date! Be forthright and honest about what you are looking for and if you feel like playing hard to get to put someone off, just let them down gently.  No-one likes a player.

 

Show your Romantic Side

Feel free to share your romantic side with potential dates. It can be easier to talk using messages back and forth, but don’t say anything you wouldn’t be able to back-up in reality. After all, the aim of the game here is to meet someone online that you like enough to want to meet in person!

 

Be Polite

Always, always be polite. There is no excuse for rude comments, crudeness or crass language. First impressions count and you don’t want to be avoided by potential dates just because you have a potty mouth.

 

Get Each Other on the Phone so you can Work Out how you React to Each Other in Real Time

After you have exchanged one or two messages, consider exchanging numbers and talking together on the phone. This helps you to get comfortable with the idea of talking to them face-to-face, as well as letting you know if you are conversationally compatible without the aid of a computer.

 

Good Luck!

Make your online dating turn into a success story!

 

Phew.

You made it through the big First Date. You survived the awkward ‘how-to-end-this date’ problem and you still wanted more afterward. You know you want to see this person again, so now you have to do the second date.

 

The second date is often thought of as the make or break date where you decide, once and for all, that this is a person you want to pursue or a person you want to relegate to the friends/acquaintance/other categories.

 

This is your chance to rectify any nervous first impressions with a great second impression. This is an opportunity to find out more about your date, see what they are interested in and discover if they were really being themselves on that first date – you can’t keep an act up for long!

 

Here are Free and Single’s Top 5 Tips for making the second date work for you;

 

1. Make your Second Date Completely Different from your First

If you opted for a dinner and movie combo on your first date, try and get out and about on your second. By breaking away from the usual date scenario, you’ll each be able to act more normally with less pressure on the outcome of the date. It will give you new ground to explore about each other as well – try going for a picnic, ice-skating or for a walk around a zoo.

 

2. If You Organised the First Date, Let Your Date Organise the Second

They got to see your First Date plans in person and that gave them some clues about your character that they clearly liked because they are back for more! However, mix things up and let the other person organise the second date to get a feel for what they think makes a great date and to learn more about them.

 

3. Don’t Play by any Archaic ‘Rules’ – You’ll Just Confuse Each Other

‘The Rules’. We’ve all heard of them, we’ve all bemoaned their stupidity or praised their effectiveness. But at one time or another, we have all sworn not to be the person who plays by those rules any longer. Well, now is the time! If you really, really like someone, waiting three days to call them back isn’t going to win you favours – its just going to give them time to meet someone else and decide you’re not worth the wait.

 

4. Have Open and Honest Lines of Communication from the Beginning

I know – no-one wants to be the person planning their marriage after the first date. However, you are much more likely to have a healthy, happy relationship with someone if you communicate together clearly and honestly. The moment lies, untruths or fibs get involved, things can only ever end one way. Messy. It’s a good rule to have in all your relationships, not just the romantic ones. So if you let a little white lie slip during the First Date (‘I LOVE baseball!) think about correcting yourself during the second date before you find yourself, 3 years down the line saying ‘I Do’ on the pitchers diamond.

 

5. Make an Effort, Just Like You Did for Your First Date

There is no point showing up to your First Date decked out like a glamazon if you’re going to show up to your second in your PJ’s (unless you are attending an oh-so-fashionable pajama party together, of course). Continue to make an effort with your appearance because it feels good to do so and because it shows you respect yourself. Self-esteem is a great aspect of a person and one that potential relationships need in order to survive. So find out what you’ll be doing and dress appropriately.

 

Who has a second date lined up in January? Tell us all about it in the comments, or Tweet us @freeandsingle

 

What do you think is a sure fire way to get someone's attention and a date?

When you finally take the chance and message that special someone you have noticed on one of the Free and Single sites, you want to leave an impression – a good one, favourably. So what to write? This is the internet equivalent of walking up to someone in the street and asking them their name and number after all.

 

It can be tricky to think of something, after all you want them to respond and not instantly hit delete or get the wrong impression about you and your purpose in messaging. Not only that, you want to appear witty, understanding, clever and fun. Maybe you want to add in some information you gleaned from their profile in order to show how well you paid attention…but not so much it looks like you creepily stalked them and memorised all their likes and dislikes.

 

It’s a minefield of misinterpretation and innuendo. What to say, what to do, not to mention how to keep up your chilled, confident and comedic genius should they actually reply – then you will have to write a second message. What if it goes on from there? You might find yourself desperately rehearsing lines the night before your first date, so as to appear the same nonchalantly witty person they glimpsed in the first message. Oh god. What if you get married and they finally work out that the smooth, hilarious, considerate you was all an elaborate ruse?!

 

Okay. Calm down. Breathe. It is the same advice you always hear from me – be yourself. The little bad dream scenario you just had? It wouldn’t occur if you just started out being yourself anyway. Sure, take a little time to think over a good opening message, but don’t have a panic attack about it – it won’t define your life, whether you get together or not.

 

Think about what you want to happen and engineer your message accordingly:

  • Do you just want a reply?
  • Do you want to work towards a skype or telephone conversation?
  • Maybe you are really convinced this could be something and you want to try for a face to face first date straight away?
  • Think through the ideal repercussions of your message and write.
  • Keep it to the point, don’t start rambling.
  • Say what you feel.

Unlike randomly asking someone out in the street, at least online if it all goes horribly wrong and they blank your message you can recover in your own time and move on, no hurt, no foul. It could be embarrassing, but at the end of the day – no-one else saw. You’re fine. You survive to write another message, another day.

Good luck!

So there you are, hiking up hill and down dale, backpack pulling you down but motivation driving you on towards the next hill…and there, as you crest the top of the ridge and look down into the valley beyond, you spy an entire village of hot single men. Err, yeah right. But seriously now, do you have a passion for fitness, but lack someone to share those early morning training sessions with?

 

Fit Free and Single specialises in bringing together singles who share a love of the active life, who are dynamic and sporty. Love the outdoors? After all, there is no point looking among singles whose favourite occupation is watching Big Brother to find a date you’ll actually want to talk to. Sign up for free today to start chatting to fellow fitness enthusiasts and maybe you’ll even get a date out of it!

 

The principle is the same for any dater – why change yourself to get a date? The date will be atrociously boring if you hate maths but opposite you is a chaos theorist eager to explain their day’s work in the labs. Think about what you want from dating, be it fun evenings and getting to know new people or possibly a longer lasting relationship. Then, think about what you like. I’m not talking picky ‘Must have raven-dark hair’ or ‘Only if they love ice hockey’, I’m talking the simple things.

 

Do you have a passion for reading? Probably best to ignore someone who enjoys burning books. Love dinosaurs? Don’t date a creationist.

 

Be flexible as well, you never know what a new person could bring to your metaphorical table – they could introduce you to a whole new world you never even knew existed. Try a different restaurant, be open to the idea of experiencing new things – dating should be about mutual discovery, so relinquish the absolute control over exactly how a date should play out. (You know what I’m talking about. No ditching a date just because he brought you pink peonies instead of purple geraniums).

 

Have a think. What do you yourself bring to a date that might attract someone? Do you just show up (hopefully clean and enthusiastic) expecting to be entertained, or do you give some thought to conversation topics, activities you could do together and use your profile perusal time to your advantage?

 

After all, the most powerful part of online dating is the ability to skip the awkward initial phase of discovering if there is anything you can talk about. You can look over their profile, exchange messages and decide if there is a spark of interest before having to worry that you haven’t brushed your teeth since breakfast, or that the shirt you are wearing has ketchup stains. Let the profile be to your advantage. Search out someone with a few common interests or features and then even if there is no chemistry when you meet, you’ll still have something to talk about and maybe even become friends, if not more.

So, you have a date. The venue is decided, the time is set, now remains the question…what to wear? First impressions count and once made, cannot be undone so this question is rightly one that strikes fear into the heart of daters everywhere, man or women (but especially women).The most important thing to consider is comfort. Obviously, you don’t want to rock up to your date in your PJ’s (unless you are going to some mad, night-time themed rave, in which case that would be a nifty outfit choice) but pouring yourself into the skinniest jeans you can find – and this goes for man or woman – just because it is a trendy choice would be wrong. So very, very wrong. Comfort shows in your stance, in your baring and will make your whole date less nerve-wracking.

 

Next to consider is what you plan to do on your date. No use buying a stunning dress to wear if you are off to the beach for a surfing lesson. Obviously, you want to look good for that first meeting, but at the end of the day you will feel silly for the entire duration and a good long time after if you are unable to enjoy the date because you wore something entirely unsuitable. If the date venue is a surprise, ask for a dress code from your date organiser.

 

With comfort and practicality sorted out, you are then free to fully express yourself. After all, the practice of dating is to find out if you and the other person like each other and feel a spark – no point dressing head to toe in pink to impress someone whose profile says they love the colour if you hate it with a passion. They will forever after assume you like pink as much as they do and you will ruin any real chance of connecting.

 

While expressing yourself however, it can sometimes be a good idea to reign back a little and let them get to know you before you hit them with your penchant for wearing a Mohican made of forks to 5-star restaurants. Self-Expression is all very well, but it is often unnerving in those we don’t know very well or at all and the last thing you want to do is scare off someone you really like just because they weren’t prepared for all the intrigued stares that come from wearing a purple top hat to the local spa. Thereby, make it your mission to put your date at ease and make them comfortable. Apart from anything else, concentrating on another person’s wishes is a surefire way to win a second date and stop your own nerves in their tracks!