Try Not to Make Finding a Partner Your One and Only Focus

‘I’ve tried everything to get a date and nothing is working!’

Sometimes the whole search for a soul mate can get a bit on top of you, a tad wearying, a little ‘its-never-going-to-happen-so-why-bother’.


The thing is, while a lot of us feel like finding that special someone is a task with top priority it can pay dividends to your health and happiness to just r-e-l-a-x. Take it easy. Don’t push so hard. Short term, you are unlikely to find someone to share in your happily ever after if you are rushing around town attending a speed dating event every week, signing up to every dating site you come across and putting out an ad in the local lonely hearts column.


Apart from anything else, you’ll be too distracted and exhausted to even notice when a potential someone does pay you some attention. If you do notice, you’ll put so much pressure on the date succeeding that it will crash and burn before it even started. So chill out.


Here’s the thing…


Do you remember that saying, usually bandied about by annoying people already snugly in a relationship? You know, ‘Love will find you when you’re not looking.’


To some extent, this is true, but you need to add some context to the saying in order to make it work successfully. You know it doesn’t work if you take it literally and lock yourself in your house, waiting for Love to discover you and make all your dreams come true.


The key is to be open to dating, the concept of starting a relationship. Having arrived at that conclusion, put a few goals in place and then go about your daily life!


Goals? But you just said to take it easy!


Calm down! When I say goals, I’m using the term as a loose action plan to keep you motivated, not a structured homework plan. I suggest that, having decided you want to date, you;

  • Put some time into you. Get a haircut, try a few new outfits, learn how to cook a new dish…invest some time into boosting your confidence and self-esteem so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready for it.
  • Sign up to Free and Single and build your online dating profile to best reflect who you are and what you want.
  • Organise something you like to do to look forward to and give you something else to focus on, besides checking for new messages – why not try a girls night out every Friday, a men’s poker night, a trip out of town with some mates or a spa break just for you?
  • Read up on how to stay safe when online dating.

Let me know how your dating adventure goes @freeandsingle! I always love to hear about Free and Single members successes (or dating disasters!)


Click here if you’d like some more tips on finding ‘The One’