Where’s the Spark? What to Do if You Just Don’t Fancy Your Date

Do you feel that special 'spark'?














You’ve had the date, you’ve got back home and you sit down. That wasn’t really what you had hoped for – the date didn’t go smoothly, or you really just had nothing to talk about. The banter you shared while writing messages to each other disappeared when you were face to face. You had built up a picture in your mind of a petite brunette and ended up meeting a towering blonde. Their mannerisms unsettled you, you had a disagreement about the movie…whatever it was, the feeling is clear. You didn’t feel that certain something, that ‘spark’. You don’t really want to pursue this any further.


First up, you have to decide if you are just completely incompatible, whether you could be friends but nothing more or whether it was just a really bad first date and a second might be worth trying. After all, something about them made you want to meet them in the first place, so a second chance could be worth it.



This is going to be hard, no denying it. You have seen them in person and now you have to let them down. If you are lucky, they felt the same about the experience and will have to qualms accepting what you need to say. If you are not lucky, they’ll have had a great time and not realised that you did not share that with them. Be tactful, let them down gently but don’t feel guilt tripped into a second date. If you know this is not going anywhere, you have to let them know elsewise you are just leading them on.


Could be friends:

Tricky this one – you have to sound out the waters and see whether they are feeling the same. If they come across as harbouring stronger feelings for you, better to step away. They will agree to be friends assuming it could lead to something more and unless you think that is a possibility, there is nothing but heartache down that road. On the other hand, they could feel the same. Having had a great time, but no romantic feelings towards you they will likely be more than happy to put the whole thing down to an amusing anecdote you can tell at your next party and be friends. Lastly, they may be the ones stepping away from you. Don’t take it personally, see it as an opportunity to log back onto Free and Single and find someone better suited to date!


Second chance:

If you are unsure about the date and think that possibly you just had a bad time because you had a long day at work, you were really nervous,  your shoes were killing your feet, or the restaurant messed up your reservations and order, consider organising a second date. If it was a truly terrible date, they may not agree to a second and you don’t have to worry about it anymore. A second date though, in a different place, maybe at a different time of day could have you significantly more relaxed and open to meeting a new person. Even if the second date goes the same way as the first, at least you know you tried and can move on to looking through more Free and Singles for your next first date!

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