date

  1. Check there is nothing stuck in your teeth before you leave to meet them. First impressions count!
  2. Make sure your shoes can withstand walking – you never know where the night will take you.
  3. Have a look at this article on What to Wear on your First Date.
  4. If you absolutely have to wear those vertiginous heels for your first date, pack a few plasters into your bag.
  5. While you are packing your bag, stick in some tic tacs or other breath mint…just in case you feel a goodnight kiss could be in order later!
  6. Make sure you can comfortably move around in your outfit. Nothing worse than splitting your trousers as you sit down for dinner.
  7. Check out your dates online profile again before you head out the door for conversation tips and topics.
  8. I don’t advocate speedy getaways through the restaurant bathroom window. If you really can’t stand them, have an excuse ready so you can leave without them losing face.
  9. Make sure a few of your friends or family know where you’re going and when you plan to be back again – have a look at this article on Staying Safe when Online Dating.
  10. Guys, if it’s nippy grab an extra jumper before you leave. Then you can be all romantic and share your coat, without freezing your butt off for your gentlemanly behavior.
  11. Watch the news! Then if all else fails you can discuss the current world happenings with an understanding of what is actually going on.
  12. If you aren’t going for a meal, consider eating an hour or so before you leave to tide you over until you get back. Nothing worse than trying to feel the spark and only getting stomach grumblings instead.
  13. Maybe consider packing a cereal bar into that tiny bag of yours, just in case you start feeling peckish in the taxi on the way home.
  14. Charge your phone!
  15. Check out this dating guide into the mysterious workings of the female mind before you head off to meet your beautiful date.
  16. If you are really stressing out about your date, take 10 minutes to relax and try some meditative breathing techniques (we hear in through the nose and out through the mouth works wonders).
  17. Make sure you leave plenty of time to get ready. Failing that, sort everything out the day before so there are no last minute decisions to be made about what to wear or what to do.
  18. If you are in charge, have you sorted out reservations or bookings? Is everything good to go or do you have a few parts of the date left to sort out?
  19. Feeling out of it after a hard day? Take a quick shower or if you can manage it, book in a swift massage beforehand to chill out and get you back in form.
  20. Freaking out? Sit back with a cup of tea and browse our Top 10 Tips for the First Date article to get you ready for the evening ahead. Good luck!

 

So, you think you are ready. In ‘that place.’ You reckon you are prepared to start dating again.

 

Take our Free and Single quiz to give you an idea of whether you are really ready to handle the excitement of dating, of meeting new people and of putting yourself ‘out there’. It can make you feel vulnerable, so you want to be certain you are in the best possible frame of mind before you jump in the deep end!

 

1) If you bumped into your ex this evening at the pub, what would you do?

 

a) Ignore them completely, pretend you never saw them and walk back to your friends.

 

b) Say ‘hi’, then go on with your trip to the bar and continue with your evening, no harm, no foul.

 

c) Stutter a word that could be ‘hi’, blush and stumble out the door on your way home to eat ice cream.

 

2) Do you find yourself telling others about what went wrong?

 

a) Sometimes, if I’m having a particularly bad day or they seem to be in a similar situation.

 

b) Constantly. If I’m not telling people, I’m thinking about it. All. The. Time.

 

c) Not really, I don’t dwell on it. The past is the past after all!

 

3) Did you learn anything about yourself from your last relationship?

 

a) I found that no matter how hard it gets, I can always survive it.

 

b) I discovered that sometimes you have to compromise.

 

c) I learnt that most everything that went wrong was because of my partner.

 

4) A love song hits the charts. How does it make you feel?

 

a) Broken inside. I used to have that. Now I’ll be alone forever.

 

b) Hopeful. I know what that feels like and I know I’ll feel it again.

 

c) Grumpy. Yeah, yeah, what’s so special about love anyway?

 

5) Picture this: Your ex knocks on your door, they want you back! Do you;

 

a) Invite them in for tea and to discuss their reasons.

 

b) Leap into their arms and accept immediately, no hesitation.

 

c) Politely decline, telling them you had a wonderful relationship but it ended for a reason.

 

 

Tot up your answers to see where your emotional state is…

 

1. a) 2  b) 3  c) 1

2. a) 2  b) 1  c) 3

3. a) 3  b) 2  c) 1

4. a) 1  b) 3   c) 2

5. a) 2  b) 1   c) 3

 

You scored between 12 and 15…

 

Wahey! You’ve taken the time, you’ve accepted the relationship is over and you’re remembering the good times fondly, ready to move on and start dating again!

 

You scored between 8 and 11…

 

Hmm, you’re close and its possible a new path is ready to be taken. Might be better to head for a new coffee shop with your pals or a different class at the gym before diving into dating again though.

 

You scored between 5 and 7…

 

Oh er – you are in no fit state to be entrusting your wellbeing to the success or failure of dates with strangers! Take some more time (ideally a holiday) and try some new things out to get back on track and move on from your ex.

 

I don’t think there is a single person out there who can sashay forth, confident and glorious to every date they go on.

 

At some point, you will feel nervous. This can be compounded by the need to feel you are not wasting your time and the hope that this could be the start of your very own fairy tale.

 

Here are the Free and Single Top Tips for the first date you go on (when you are secretly on a mission to find ‘The One’.)

 

 

1. Don’t Immediately Write Them Off

 

Take the pressure off immediately being struck by the love bug and search for things in common – look to whether you would hang out with this person as a friend, don’t write them off instantly because you had your head set on tall, dark and handsome because your heart may ultimately prefer blondes!

 

2. Seize the Day!

 

Live in the moment! Having plucked up the courage to actually set up an internet dating profile, ‘wink’, message and organise a date, don’t then spend the whole time fast-forwarding to a possible future scenario or thinking about tomorrow’s to-do list. Stay in the moment and really listen to the other person, get to know them and enjoy yourself.

 

3. Feel Good before you Go

 

Regardless of your principles on vanity, make an effort before your date. First off, it’s nice to know you care enough to want to make a good first impression. Knowing you look great and feel like the best you can be can really help your confidence and help you remain calm during the date. Once you have relaxed, you can concentrate on just being yourself and talking to the other person, instead of fussing about what you are wearing or why your hair frizzed up in the rain.

 

Check out our Ten Things to Remember on a First Date for some more advice!

 

Your first date is mere hours away and you are a bag of nerves. ‘What ifs?’ run through your head, scenarios good and bad have you packing your bag with everything from spare lipstick to bandages. You know, just in case. Well, I have narrowed down the list of things you have to worry about by graciously removing at least ten things, leaving you with time enough to pile the contents of your wardrobe on the bed. Without further ado then, here are ten things to remember for your first date.

 

 

 

 

  1.  If you are in charge of organising the date, then have a think about it to make it relevant. You don’t want to be the person who takes a different date to the same restaurant every Friday night. Think of what you know about your date already and try to include these details into your planning. Know they love penguins? Why not surprise them with a trip to the zoo. Did their profile mention how much they adore chocolate? A trip to a chocolate factory with a pre-arranged tour could be your ticket to an excellent first impression and a great date as well! Always make a back-up plan – nothing says thoughtful like running from a soggy picnic in the park to reserved tables at a good restaurant in town.Give some thought to your date and always have a back-up plan!
  2. When it comes to getting ready for your date, one thing is paramount: wear simple, comfortable clothing that suits you. You want to make a good impression, so don’t choose this moment to wander far from your comfort zone and get a green mohican to appear more ‘cool’. Make sure you approach your date with an open mind and try not to fixate on tall, dark and handsome. Might be you have a thing for blondes you just never knew about.First impressions count...but stay in your comfort zone
  3. Having finally arrived at the crucial moment when you meet, possibly for the first time, pay attention to your date! This is not the time to become self-absorbed. Pay them a genuine compliment and show you appreciate the effort they have made for you. Try not to be so nervous you whip out a generic, ‘You look nice.’ Maybe even pre-prepare some compliments specially, to calm your flummoxed mind.Pay attention to your date!
  4. Listen to your date when they are talking! Try not to dominate the conversation, you want a good back and forth to get started. Ask questions about them. Have a few conversational gambits up your sleeves in case of lulls. Make sure you are up to date on current events so if all else fails you can discuss the economy intelligently.Listen. Ask questions. Your date doesn't want a monologue about your life right now.
  5. Try to keep yourself in the moment, enjoying the date. Reminiscing about the last relationship you were in or comparing your current date to an old paramour is the fastest way to ensure there is never a second date.Try to relax and enjoy your date, not plan tomorrow's grocery list
  6. Whatever you do, avoid your mobile phone. Everyone is onto the old ‘family emergency’ get out clause by now and responding ‘for work reasons’ is a terrible excuse. Give your date your full attention. Leave your phone on silent or vibrate, have it fully charged certainly for safety reasons, but don’t answer it or text while you are with your date. It is just plain rude.There is a reason it is called 'face-to-face' interaction. Put your phone away.
  7. There is no way to say this one lightly: don’t come on too strong. Even if you just woke up from a nightmare where you were the last person on Earth, alone forever and you believe this to be a portent there is absolutely no need to share this foreboding with your date. You will freak them out and put extra pressure on the outcome of your first date. Dating is meant to be fun people, not an audition for marriage or parenthood!First dates are no the place to discuss your future kids names and college plans
  8. Stay positive and show your good humour and relaxed nature. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Shouting at the waiter doesn’t impress anyone, it just makes you look like a bully. No-one likes a bully.Treat others as you would wish to be treated
  9. Ah, the age-old who-pays-for-what issue. Here’s a solution: whoever initiated the date offers to pay. The other can offer to purchase the next thing, like going onto a bar for a drink or meeting up next week for coffee. Alternate paying can help you raise the awkward point of a second date, without appearing pushy. Make sure you carry some cash on you as well, in case you end up paying for your half or your cab home – or just in case the place you’re at doesn’t have a card reader.Money can be tricky, don't let it ruin your date
  10. Stay safe. Make sure you don’t drink too much. If you need to calm your nerves take deep breathes not shots of whisky. Let a friend know where you are and tell them to expect your call at the end of the date so someone knows where you are. If you feel uncomfortable with the way the date is progressing, either bring it up or leave. Stay in a public place and be cautious. If they are a nice person they won’t mind you taking precautions for your safety.Stay safe. Dutch courage is traditionally taken in small amounts...
Have a good time and remember, above all, to just relax and have fun!

Have a great date at the seaside, check out Fit Free and Single for beach bunnies

 

With all this rain we’ve been having it seems appropriate to have a list of inside activities you can do away from your own home – after all, meeting someone you’ve met online should, for the first time at least, occur in public. If you have any ideas or wild successes, do please send them in!

 

For the Young Free and Single, Summer automatically calls to mind long, warm, balmy days that you can spend outside at the beach or the park. However, if its rainy, the lure of the parental residence is not so appealing. Instead of turning to cinemas, which are entertaining but not exactly great if you are trying to get to know someone, look outside the box. Try an indoor ski slope and try your hand (or should that be your feet?) at learning to ski or snowboard. Learning a new activity together really sparks off the conversation and makes sure there are no awkward pauses! If you’re looking for something a bit more chilled, why not sign up for a baking class and make each other cupcakes while brushing flour off your noses?

 

Free and Single Parents have a double whammy to think of new activities – more likely than not your kids will be involved in the outing. A visit to a historical site can be perfect. Jousting tournaments and characters entertain the kids (often there will be kids-only crèches or activities) while well-deserving parents can take a stroll through the grounds, learn a bit of history or just sneak into the café and enjoy a cream tea. If your kids are a little bit older, why not try a fun activity day like ‘Go Ape’, where you all get harnessed up and swing through the trees, teasing each other and motivating everyone – it’s a great way to forge bonds and encourage interaction.

Summer fling or blossom into a full relationship?

 

While Summer has not exactly been a blast of hot air this year (more of a damp squib!) there are still great things you can plan to make your days off from the daily grind that bit more exciting. How best to experience new adventures, than with a new person to help explore and shine a new perspective on things?

 

For the health nut who likes to check on Fit Free and Single, why not charm a skittish athlete into discovering the joys of an early morning run? Indeed, a day trip could be created to visit a new area, take in a view, play Frisbee or mini golf and then partake in a tasty, well-balanced picnic. Even if the weather backs out on you, I find nothing can bring together new people like competition. Head to an indoor leisure centre for a frolic in the pool, a friendly battle in the squash courts or even head to the pub for a game of snooker or darts.

 

Summer for the Mature Free and Single can open up a whole world of opportunities. When you know there are places you wish to visit, but the appeal lessens without someone to accompany you? Find a likely compatriot on Free and Single and you can spend the entire season, (and beyond!) exploring new ground and reminiscing about previous adventures. I think a stroll along the coast in Cornwall or Kent, followed by fresh seafood and leisurely drinks is a sure fire way to entertain. Maybe you would prefer something even more cultural and could take a day trip to a local gallery or a hands-on craft activity such as pottery painting?

 

Come back for part two where I muse on date ideas for Young Free and Singles and Free and Single Parents!

Free and Single want to help you with your own dating success story!

How is this for the most perfect success story you have ever heard?

It is the stuff internet dating dreams are made of.

So have a little read of Janet’s story to see how she initiated contact with Martin and how they both fell in love and are now in their happy ever after…

‘I first winked at Martin on 25th June 2011 and we had our first date two weeks later on Friday 8th July. Martin said he didn’t usually reply to winks but when he saw my profile and photo he couldn’t resist (aww!).

From then on, we spent every weekend together and gradually realised we’d hit the jackpot and fell in love. We started talking about getting engaged in August but thought it was too soon and were worried about what other people might think, so we decided to wait until June 2012 which would have been Martin’s Mum’s birthday – sadly she passed away a few years earlier.

By September we were both positive we had something amazing and changed our plans – we bought the ring but waited until Christmas day to get engaged – it was so special and Martin almost cried. We now have the Wedding booked for 21st March 2014 at Cooling Castle Barn in Kent and i just can’t wait!

If someone had told us this time last year that we would find our perfect partner online and be engaged and planning a dream wedding by this time, I think we would have both been a little scepticle – but it has happened and we are both over the moon.

We can’t thank you and your team enough – we now have an amazing life together to look forward to. It’s a dream that absolutely came true!

Online dating really does work!

Jan and Martin
xx

What do you think is a sure fire way to get someone's attention and a date?

When you finally take the chance and message that special someone you have noticed on one of the Free and Single sites, you want to leave an impression – a good one, favourably. So what to write? This is the internet equivalent of walking up to someone in the street and asking them their name and number after all.

 

It can be tricky to think of something, after all you want them to respond and not instantly hit delete or get the wrong impression about you and your purpose in messaging. Not only that, you want to appear witty, understanding, clever and fun. Maybe you want to add in some information you gleaned from their profile in order to show how well you paid attention…but not so much it looks like you creepily stalked them and memorised all their likes and dislikes.

 

It’s a minefield of misinterpretation and innuendo. What to say, what to do, not to mention how to keep up your chilled, confident and comedic genius should they actually reply – then you will have to write a second message. What if it goes on from there? You might find yourself desperately rehearsing lines the night before your first date, so as to appear the same nonchalantly witty person they glimpsed in the first message. Oh god. What if you get married and they finally work out that the smooth, hilarious, considerate you was all an elaborate ruse?!

 

Okay. Calm down. Breathe. It is the same advice you always hear from me – be yourself. The little bad dream scenario you just had? It wouldn’t occur if you just started out being yourself anyway. Sure, take a little time to think over a good opening message, but don’t have a panic attack about it – it won’t define your life, whether you get together or not.

 

Think about what you want to happen and engineer your message accordingly:

  • Do you just want a reply?
  • Do you want to work towards a skype or telephone conversation?
  • Maybe you are really convinced this could be something and you want to try for a face to face first date straight away?
  • Think through the ideal repercussions of your message and write.
  • Keep it to the point, don’t start rambling.
  • Say what you feel.

Unlike randomly asking someone out in the street, at least online if it all goes horribly wrong and they blank your message you can recover in your own time and move on, no hurt, no foul. It could be embarrassing, but at the end of the day – no-one else saw. You’re fine. You survive to write another message, another day.

Good luck!

Do you have a signature dish you can whip up and impress with?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You may have been dating a while now, or you may just want to turn up to your first date with a home baked offering to help ease the first impression to fully favourable. Either way, you want to make sure that the choices you make go down as intended.

 

First off, make sure there are no allergies or dietary requirements such as vegetarianism!  No point making your famous peanut butter and chocolate brownies if your date has a fatal allergy to nuts.

 

Picnic

 

The classic image here is of rural elegance balanced with a certain practicality. After all, at some point this food has to be lugged to your patch of grass. Once your blanket is spread and you are ready to chow down on your delectable lunch, you want the great reveal to be tasty looking and not pale sandwiches with jam smeared around the plastic they are encased in. Choose simple basics, good quality and bring wet wipes. Personal favourites would include: marinated olives, flatbreads or farls, humus and other dips (securely packaged!), crudités and a chunky salad with veggies, grains and beans. Lastly get the whole thing off to a flying start by going with a cheese and a selection of cold meats or quiche.

 

Home Dinner

 

Okay, first things first. Make sure your house is clean. Nothing ruins the aura of a well-cooked homemade meal than a funk of mess! Once you have tidied and hovered, down to the menu. Choose something you can prepare the day before to give you time to fuss over other things on the night. It can be good to choose a theme such as Mexican, Spanish or Greek to keep you focused when finding recipes and putting together courses. Put thought into all aspects of the dinner, not just the food – tableware and setting, lighting and music all help to set the scene for a really lovely meal.

 

Cake

 

Now, this depends on your own baking ability and the occasion. If you want to present a basket of mini muffins Bree-from-Desperate-Housewives stylee as you walk through the door, this can be solved by just following the appropriate recipe to the letter. This is very important – baking is a science. Use measuring instruments and the specified ingredients to get it right and it will go off without a hitch. If you are looking to do a more impressively decorated cake, well…don’t aim higher than your abilities or it will go wrong. Stick to what you know, or practise beforehand to get a good result.

Dinner a deux is a classic date option and great for good conversation and some old fashioned romance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been a while since you eyed up each other’s profile pictures and dissected every last titbit of information with your friends. You have exchanged messages, bantered, swapped email addresses. You might have even upgraded communication to phone numbers so you can have a bit a live chat and see whether that lighting quick wit sticks around when you are in real time or if it does the dirty and deserts you in your time of need. Whatever the build-up, the time has come for the first date. You’ve decided to take it easy and head out for the classic dinner and movie to keep things simple (and to save some cash while you work out if they are worth splashing out on in future).

 

So, much in the way that classically trained wait staff will perfectly pair your wine to your meal, I’m going to have a go at pairing your movie to your dinner! I also want to reverse the traditional order here – I have never understood why you would go to dinner, then a movie – surely doing things the other way around ensures that you always have the movie to talk about if conversation dries up during dinner? Ensure you go for a movie, then dinner!

 

Hunger Games + Pub

Now, this film shouldn’t really boost your appetite. However, it will make you want to discuss everything from the realism, the concept, closeness to the book and lastly – what would you do in Katniss’ position? Thus, great British pub food will recall the fare of the film such as hot soups, lamb stew and fresh baked bread. The friendly environs of the pub will give you leave to freely discuss the film’s story and you can chill out into thoughtful musings in front of the log fire with a cool pint or glass of wine to wind the evening up. Perfect not only for our Young Free and Singles, but for Free and Single Parents whose kids might have been nattering on about the book.

 

Battleship + Burgers

Action thriller complete with alien life forms can only be fully appreciated with the addition of a good, all-American burger and sides. Head out after work, pick your favourite burger joint, or even a trendy street cart if you fancy a walk ‘n’ talk ‘n’ eat moment with your date. (Heads up – ladies are not generally fans of this). Feel free to set a comfort boundary by dismissing concerns of eating with your hands and always order enough chips that she can have some off your plate without causing massive trauma.

 

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel + Indian

Heart-warming life stories go with a curry hand in hand. I don’t know why, they just do. Get yourself and your date to your favourite curry house and enjoy a sit down meal with all your favourite dishes while you talk over the film. Top marks if you can find a restaurant that has large floor cushions and candles for a lounge-about, romantic atmosphere where you can chill out with a bottle of Cobra while discussing the characters in the film.