Typically, people who use online dating sites have one goal in common: They are all on the look out for a potential partner.


However, given that the overall aim of internet dating is to eventually meet a suitable prospect face to face, it seems strange that in order to first attract the attention of this possible life mate, they may, if not downright lie, stretch the truth a little bit to make themselves seem more attractive.


Not only does this set up a false pretense (not the best way to start off a trusting relationship) but you run the risk of attracting someone you will not actually match up with very well. If being a Marine Biologist is so important to the person you are trying to impress, they probably won’t be so interested anymore when they find out that you are in fact a Freelance Journalist.


Here are a few of the most common areas that people exaggerate when they write their internet dating profile:


Old Photo

One of the most common white lies is posting a profile picture that is maybe not an accurate representation of you, now.  It’s all very well to have been a competing gymnast when you were younger, but you have to accept it as part of your past. Posting a photo of you in a bendy pose, all lycra and legs, if you now find it tricky to touch your toes and can be more often found in jeans and a tee is not going to attract the attention of someone who will fit into your life now.



Boosting or lowering your height by a few inches is a popular way to fit into a category of ‘More Attractive’. Stereotypically  women are attracted to tall men and men to dainty women. However, the very fact that you may one day intend to meet this person in the flesh means that this white lie will last only as long as you keep the relationship virtual. If they are honestly prepared to move onto another profile simply because you are an inch shorter or taller than their ideal, then they are clearly too picky and superficial.



Lastly, boosting your income expectations can never end well. Remember how celebrities are always complaining that they never know if their admirers are truly interested in them, the person, or them, the persona with all the cash? Well, the same applies here. Why on earth would you profess to live in a manor house with a yearly income of £50,000 unless you can back it up? You don’t want to risk getting hurt by a gold-digger or being judged at a later date because you allowed the idea that birthdays would be filled with Tiffany boxes to continue.


The best bet? Be truthful on your online dating profile. By all means, dress up for your profile pic – but keep it recent and update it every few weeks. If you are 100% yourself, you are 100% more likely to meet the person who will love you for you.


Here we go;


Its that time of the year again. No sooner are we done with the holidays than the pinkest, soppiest, biggest card selling celebration of the year swings round again.


Do I sound like I dislike Valentine’s Day? A day that essentially, in name alone if no longer in action, celebrates the martyrdom of a saint and the romantic rambling of Chaucer?


Well, I have to be honest with you – I’m not  a fan. But you had guessed that already. What I am a fan of, is showing people you care.


The system of rules and requirements currently in place in many people’s mind on how to react to a date or a loved one (‘Wait three days before you text him back!’, ‘Never be free on short notice!’) seem to me to be specifically designed with one purpose in mind: to never allow two people the time or energy to actually fall for each other hook, line and sinker.


I say, this Valentine’s Day, drop the rulebook! Kick it out of the window for all I care and start saying what you mean, when you mean it.


If you have been making eyes at the girl who catches your bus every morning for months, but never even sat next to her – start sitting with her, chatting, smiling if nothing else.


If you’re with someone you don’t see yourself staying with long term, dump them. Sounds harsh, but you both need to move on with your lives. (No excuse to not do it nicely though, and face-to-face).


If you are hoping against hope that you will meet someone before Valentine’s Day and go on a romantic date – then make it happen! Don’t wait around for fate to pick someone off the street and deliver them wrapped in a bow to your doorstop – join Free and Single and start taking control of your life again.


You can make it happen – sign up now and see who you meet. Have a great Valentine’s Day everyone! 🙂

When we are little, we see that everything in the world comes in pairs. We hear stories about Princesses finding their Princes (or usually being found by them, up a tower or about to become dragon chow). We attend weddings where two people are joined together.


Later on in life, as teenagers, we might date a few people either seriously or not. The world seems full of possibilities and you don’t want to get ‘tied down’. You flirt with potentials, you make friends easily and you experience what life has to offer.


A bit older still and you start to value the idea of having another person in your life. Someone you can talk to, who makes you laugh and who will always be ready to share a cup of tea with at the end of a long, hard day. Someone who lights up when they see you, who holds your hand, who knows just what to get you for your birthday.


This person is shaped by the views of ‘togetherness’ that we are exposed to over our lives. Ladies expect a modern-day Prince Charming, with a feminist slant, a love of handiwork, chivalry and the ability to put the toilet seat down. Men expect a sexy conversationalist they can have  a good time with, who cooks a mean Sunday Roast and forgives the odd damp towel on the floor.


The thing is, you never know who will be perfect for you. On paper, a person can seem like the ultimate match made in heaven – but in practice the spark fizzles and never quite catches alight. The key to the ‘Search for a Soulmate’ is to, in fact, not search at all. Let it happen naturally.


The best thing to do is reach a place where you are happy with yourself (for after all, if you don’t love yourself, how can somebody else?) and where you can accept the possibility of another person entering into your life. Sure, do things to help it along – but your first goal should be in making yourself happy. Buy some new outfits or get a haircut – for your benefit. Try out some of those activities you have always thought about doing but never quite got around to – see which ones make you happy. Fill in an online dating profile, but don’t obsess over it ever waking minute.


You’ll be surprised. One day, you’ll get back from your fencing class, or pottery exhibition or just a night out with your friends and you’ll log on and see someone has winked at you. Someone nice. Someone who would like to meet you for lunch. Someone with whom you will share that spark.

Free and Single Online Dating helps you find the one!

Having signed-up to an online dating website, you must have some idea of exactly why you want to date. If, in thinking about it now, you suddenly realise that your aims for a relationship are somewhat vague, then take some time now to think through what you really want – it will really help you find success on Free and Single.





To help you along the way, we’ve come up with a few questions to ask yourself – go ahead and be a little introspective!


1. Do you want a partner because it seems like all your friends are paired up?


2. Are you looking for casual dates or are you searching for that special someone?


3.  If you met someone who seemed perfect for you in the next ten minutes, would you play coy or go for it?


4. Are you prepared to compromise on the life you have built up as a single person?


5. Are you ready for the change that another person in your life would bring?


6.  Are you dating because its what you are used to – should you consider some time out to just be you?


online dating to find love


Having decided your reasons for starting to date again and signing up for Free and Single’s internet dating service, you should make sure you fill out your profile to the best of your ability (include lots of your personality!) and put a great, recent photo of yourself up.


Free and Single internet dating for everyone

Here are some of our top tips for getting to know your potential dates online before you take the next step of meeting up on a date.


Ask Open-Ended Questions

Talking together should be an enjoyable exchange, a give and take with no one person doing all the talking. Try to make it easier for the conversation to flow by asking open-ended questions like; ‘Where would you like to go travelling?’ rather than; ‘Would you like to go to Rome?’


‘Listen’ and Respond Appropriately

If someone has gone to the time and effort to respond to you, they must be open to getting to know you and vice versa. However, be wary of responding to their message with a list of stuff about you – remember to reply and show interest n what they have said. Try to think about how you would respond if this was a face-to-face conversation instead of an email message.


Don’t Play Hard to Get – You Are On a Dating Site, so be open about what you are looking for

People who go online to find a date and then play hard to get are missing the point – you are on a dating website, clearly you are looking for a date! Be forthright and honest about what you are looking for and if you feel like playing hard to get to put someone off, just let them down gently.  No-one likes a player.


Show your Romantic Side

Feel free to share your romantic side with potential dates. It can be easier to talk using messages back and forth, but don’t say anything you wouldn’t be able to back-up in reality. After all, the aim of the game here is to meet someone online that you like enough to want to meet in person!


Be Polite

Always, always be polite. There is no excuse for rude comments, crudeness or crass language. First impressions count and you don’t want to be avoided by potential dates just because you have a potty mouth.


Get Each Other on the Phone so you can Work Out how you React to Each Other in Real Time

After you have exchanged one or two messages, consider exchanging numbers and talking together on the phone. This helps you to get comfortable with the idea of talking to them face-to-face, as well as letting you know if you are conversationally compatible without the aid of a computer.


Good Luck!

Make your online dating turn into a success story!


Shake in your boots time.  You’ve been dating this really nice guy or gal, you’re really enjoying your time together, things are developing nicely…but you feel the need to consolidate, reassure yourself that they are feeling what you are feeling, that you are exclusive to each other.

Bandying the words ‘relationship’ and ‘commitment’ around are traditional no-nos, surefire ways to derail your burgeoning love. So if you have to know, there are a few things you should think about before launching into the discussion.


1. Is it too early to be defining your relationship?

How long have you been dating? If you just answered ‘We’ve been out together once or twice’, then maybe rethink the relationship question for another time.  If you have been seeing each other regularly for a month or more, then maybe the question is more appropriate.


2. Don’t be scared to ask but why not just see how it develops?

If you have decided you need to know and you would prefer to know sooner rather than later, then the only way to find out the answer is to ask, straight out. None of these ‘Is He Into Me?’ or ‘How Do I Know if She Feels the Same?’ articles will be able to tell you, 100% whether his excess blinking in your presence directly correlates to his desire for you to be his one and only. Seriously, none of them.

Of course, you could just content yourself with the fact you enjoy each other’s company and that as you get closer the question will arise and be answered naturally, in a less pressurised manner.


3. If You Do Ask, Make Sure its Face-to-Face

If you are going ahead with it, broach the idea face-to-face. Don’t be that person who hides behind a text message, an email, an awkward silence on the phone or even a handwritten note – the best way in this situation is someplace you feel comfy together and without an audience of friends or family getting involved.


4. Can You Deal with the Answer?

One last thing. Before you start the conversation, think about the outcome.

If they say yes, you have an unwritten agreement in place that specifies that you are exclusively in a relationship with this person. You would no longer be single, with all its benefits. Someone will want to know about you, where you are, what you are doing – they will expect a level of commitment from you towards them that you have to be ready to give before you demand they do the same for you.

If they say no, well, where does that leave you? You could have just asked the question too early on, or they may just be treating your dates as a bit of fun, an opportunity to get out and about and be social with someone new. Either way, you have to then deal with the fact that you were ready to take things to the next level with this person only to be rejected. Do you stick together, or do you finish with them?


I’d love to hear your take on this tricky situation – chat to me @freeandsingle or join our Facebook Page


‘I’ve tried everything to get a date and nothing is working!’

Sometimes the whole search for a soul mate can get a bit on top of you, a tad wearying, a little ‘its-never-going-to-happen-so-why-bother’.


The thing is, while a lot of us feel like finding that special someone is a task with top priority it can pay dividends to your health and happiness to just r-e-l-a-x. Take it easy. Don’t push so hard. Short term, you are unlikely to find someone to share in your happily ever after if you are rushing around town attending a speed dating event every week, signing up to every dating site you come across and putting out an ad in the local lonely hearts column.


Apart from anything else, you’ll be too distracted and exhausted to even notice when a potential someone does pay you some attention. If you do notice, you’ll put so much pressure on the date succeeding that it will crash and burn before it even started. So chill out.


Here’s the thing…


Do you remember that saying, usually bandied about by annoying people already snugly in a relationship? You know, ‘Love will find you when you’re not looking.’


To some extent, this is true, but you need to add some context to the saying in order to make it work successfully. You know it doesn’t work if you take it literally and lock yourself in your house, waiting for Love to discover you and make all your dreams come true.


The key is to be open to dating, the concept of starting a relationship. Having arrived at that conclusion, put a few goals in place and then go about your daily life!


Goals? But you just said to take it easy!


Calm down! When I say goals, I’m using the term as a loose action plan to keep you motivated, not a structured homework plan. I suggest that, having decided you want to date, you;

  • Put some time into you. Get a haircut, try a few new outfits, learn how to cook a new dish…invest some time into boosting your confidence and self-esteem so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready for it.
  • Sign up to Free and Single and build your online dating profile to best reflect who you are and what you want.
  • Organise something you like to do to look forward to and give you something else to focus on, besides checking for new messages – why not try a girls night out every Friday, a men’s poker night, a trip out of town with some mates or a spa break just for you?
  • Read up on how to stay safe when online dating.

Let me know how your dating adventure goes @freeandsingle! I always love to hear about Free and Single members successes (or dating disasters!)


Click here if you’d like some more tips on finding ‘The One’



You made it through the big First Date. You survived the awkward ‘how-to-end-this date’ problem and you still wanted more afterward. You know you want to see this person again, so now you have to do the second date.


The second date is often thought of as the make or break date where you decide, once and for all, that this is a person you want to pursue or a person you want to relegate to the friends/acquaintance/other categories.


This is your chance to rectify any nervous first impressions with a great second impression. This is an opportunity to find out more about your date, see what they are interested in and discover if they were really being themselves on that first date – you can’t keep an act up for long!


Here are Free and Single’s Top 5 Tips for making the second date work for you;


1. Make your Second Date Completely Different from your First

If you opted for a dinner and movie combo on your first date, try and get out and about on your second. By breaking away from the usual date scenario, you’ll each be able to act more normally with less pressure on the outcome of the date. It will give you new ground to explore about each other as well – try going for a picnic, ice-skating or for a walk around a zoo.


2. If You Organised the First Date, Let Your Date Organise the Second

They got to see your First Date plans in person and that gave them some clues about your character that they clearly liked because they are back for more! However, mix things up and let the other person organise the second date to get a feel for what they think makes a great date and to learn more about them.


3. Don’t Play by any Archaic ‘Rules’ – You’ll Just Confuse Each Other

‘The Rules’. We’ve all heard of them, we’ve all bemoaned their stupidity or praised their effectiveness. But at one time or another, we have all sworn not to be the person who plays by those rules any longer. Well, now is the time! If you really, really like someone, waiting three days to call them back isn’t going to win you favours – its just going to give them time to meet someone else and decide you’re not worth the wait.


4. Have Open and Honest Lines of Communication from the Beginning

I know – no-one wants to be the person planning their marriage after the first date. However, you are much more likely to have a healthy, happy relationship with someone if you communicate together clearly and honestly. The moment lies, untruths or fibs get involved, things can only ever end one way. Messy. It’s a good rule to have in all your relationships, not just the romantic ones. So if you let a little white lie slip during the First Date (‘I LOVE baseball!) think about correcting yourself during the second date before you find yourself, 3 years down the line saying ‘I Do’ on the pitchers diamond.


5. Make an Effort, Just Like You Did for Your First Date

There is no point showing up to your First Date decked out like a glamazon if you’re going to show up to your second in your PJ’s (unless you are attending an oh-so-fashionable pajama party together, of course). Continue to make an effort with your appearance because it feels good to do so and because it shows you respect yourself. Self-esteem is a great aspect of a person and one that potential relationships need in order to survive. So find out what you’ll be doing and dress appropriately.


Who has a second date lined up in January? Tell us all about it in the comments, or Tweet us @freeandsingle


Looking forward to 2013 inevitably encourages us to look back over the last year and put our actions (or lack of) into sharp perspective. ‘What ifs?’, ‘Why didn’t I’s?’ and ‘I should have’s’ litter our thoughts.

Sure, it is easy enough to say we’ll do it all differently in 2013 – that this is the year we will work-out instead of sitting on the couch watching Homeland, this is the time for us to buy a house, go on dazzling holidays, impress the boss, find a love…

How about then, instead of just saying we will do these things, instead of just meaning to but never quite getting round to doing them, how about we try not to force grand outcomes but to work towards them as part of our everyday lives?

Looking for Love

We all look for love, one way or another. The search for someone to support us, cherish us, laugh with us and adore us is one that many people embark on every year. Often, as the result of a resolution not to be the only single one at a friend’s wedding or to be able to return home on a blustery, cold winter day to the waiting arms of someone who actually cares, instead of just re-runs of Friends.

However, these things tend not to just happen. In order for them to occur, you have to go out into the world instead of hiding away and you have to live your life and embrace opportunities. Otherwise, you will never move beyond your immediate circle of friends and family and there is no-one you want to date there (unless there is, in which case, NYE is the time to admit it. Then if all goes badly you can brush it off as end-of-year sentimentality and move on accordingly).

So make a promise to yourself this coming New Year. Instead of making a resolution you know you won’t keep past February, plan a goal that you want to see happen. Then plan lots of small steps on how you plan to make it happen. Schedule the step sin your diary and tick them off, one by one as you achieve them. Don’t be scared to give yourself a treat when you do either – bribery is an excellent way of convincing yourself to do something scary.

To achieve a goal of meeting someone special, here are some steps I’m a fan of;

  • Getting a new, flattering haircut and tips from the stylist on how to do it myself.
  • Planning a new experience once a month with friends – a day at a rifle range, a go-ape adventure, a wine-tasting tour, an evening in watching a foreign indie movie…
  • Smiling at people when I pass them in the street.
  • Popping to the pub once a week and spending some time at the bar talking to people. (Try a compliment or ask for a recommendation as an opening gambit).
  • Asking friends if they know anyone they think I might like and getting them to set us up.


Have a great New Year’s Eve and we’ll see you back for more online dating tips and advice in 2013!


Merry Christmas from Free and Single!


How is everyone’s day going so far? Hopefully you got a lie-in, some snow and are about to tuck in to a tasty festive breakfast.


Here are our Five Festive Top Tips for Sharing Christmas for the First Time:


1. Share your Christmas traditions. You can incorporate each others usual Christmas day routine while adding some new twists to be shared just between the two of you. Try some new side dishes along with your main meal or spend half the day in your PJs and half in your fancy clothes.


2. If you are spending the day with your partner’s family, make sure you pre-schedule some alone time to get your bearings and relax a little in between the rounds of conversational gambits and questioning.


3. Take a time out to phone your family or friends to swap greetings in the morning while you each get ready for the big day, to prevent you from feeling like you left a usual activity unfulfilled.


4. If you have any dietary requirements or major menu traditions that differ slightly from the traditional, make sure you have back-up options in place to avoid dismayed looks when your partner announces to your mother ‘Sorry, I don’t eat turkey. I’m a vegetarian.’


5. If you don’t actually celebrate Christmas, but your new partner does, decide how you feel about being involved and feel free to join in the non-religious aspects of the day and discuss them doing the same for your special festival days.


Here’s to a great day, lots of food and some fun times.

Have a good one everyone.