Emma's Posts

Confused that your friends and family tell you you’re charming, intelligent and hilarious but you’re still waiting for for that great partner?

 

Why are you still single? Take our quiz and find out!

 

1. How do you describe your dream partner?

a) Gorgeous, intelligent, funny, kind, well-paid – the whole package.

b) Anyone, so long as someone shows an interest!

c) They would be just like my friend, with romance thrown in.

 

2. Your singleton’s refrain is;

a) I shouldn’t have to settle for anyone less than perfect.

b) No-one ever notices me, so what’s the point?

c) All the good ones are taken already.

 

3. When you like someone, do you;

a) Wait for them to realize and ask you out.

b) Act into them one second and ignore them the next. Keep ’em on their toes!

c) Make sure they know you’re available and a good friend.

 

4. A cutie walks into the cafe you’re sat in. You;

a) You sneak glances, but otherwise ignore them when they catch you looking.

b) You bow your head over your laptop and pretend to be busily working.

c) Walk straight over to the bar to get another drink and say ‘Hi’

 

5. You bump into someone you sort-of know through friends. You;

a) Moan about how since you last met you’re still single and the weather sucks.

b) Ignore them, pretend you haven’t seen or recognized them and hide.

c) Say hi and have a quick chat about your mutual friends.

 

Mostly ‘A’s – You’re living in a fairy tale

Okay – love is about accepting someone’s flaws as well as their good points. Not to mention, what’s the fun in having a partner who is perfect in every way? That would mean they could never be at fault so the blame would always rest on you. Perfection is overrated, lower your standards a little bit and be willing to meet new people. See who you click with – then learn to love them for who they are, instead of for who you hoped they could be.

 

Mostly ‘B’s – You’re acting very unnaturally

You have to calm down! Your crazy hot and cold act is confusing, odd and a little bit scary. If you like someone, take a few deep breaths and keep your behaviour on track. Learn to be comfortable in their presence and keep to an easy-to-remember formula. Smile, say hi, compliment them and then ask an open-ended question. Remember to breathe between each step and let them answer and before you know it, you’ll have a conversation flowing!

 

Mostly ‘C’s – You’re not showing enough romantic interest

You’re a great friend and maybe you’ve known them for a while and are looking to take the relationship further. Maybe you’ve just met and don’t want to come on too strong so you’re playing it safe in the ‘friends first’ category. If you want a relationship with this person, you’ll have to move it up a level so they realize, otherwise it is never going to happen and you better get used to being relegated to that friend position. Little things; like touching their arm when they make a joke and you laugh, holding eye contact for just a little bit longer and smiling, broaching the idea of dinner between just the two of you and a lingering hug goodbye – these are all good ploys for subtly letting them know you would like more.

 

What if I meet my internet or blind date for the first time and we have absolutely nothing to talk about?

 

Well, go in prepared! Yes, I know it can be the ultimate worst thing in the world when you’ve exhausted the weather, what’s going on at work and compliments before you’ve even reached the bar for your aperitif, but you have to try a little harder if you know you’re not the most eloquent when it comes to small talk. Avoid blank mind syndrome by glancing over the headlines before you go out, maybe prepare a brief synopsis about the latest book you read or movie you saw (without spoilers!) and above all, loads of open-ended questions about your date. Everyone can talk about themselves if someone else is showing an interest. After a while, the conversation will start to flow naturally and you can relax and enjoy it.

 

I am so nervous about my date later today that I can’t concentrate on anything else, my hands are shaking and I feel physically sick. Help!

 

Okay, well that’s not good! You should be excited, not nauseous. Ask yourself why you are putting so much pressure on this one date that you’re treating it like an exam you never revised for? First off, you have to accept that it’s going to be fine – it’s a first date, not a meeting with a gun squad. The worst that can happen is that you don’t get on in the slightest and sit in silence for twenty minutes before they do a runner out of the bathroom window – and really, that means not only are you better off without them in your life, but you have an awesome anecdote to tell at parties. So, chill out, calm down, be prepared – that means outfit ready, cash taken out/spare card, a plan of how you are going to get there and back and a knowledge of where ‘there’ is. Let someone know where you’re off too and then sit back and enjoy the ride.

 

I have a second date coming up. I’m excited, but also apprehensive – the first date was good, but we had to try. If there is no spark at this second date, I think I should give up and look for someone else.

 

You know, sparks can be overrated. Sparks go out pretty fast – unless they catch on something. You know what can work though? (Taking the fire metaphor on a bit…) Remember how in Scout / Guides camp you spent ages rubbing two sticks together? Eventually, they set off a spark, which caught and started a hot, slow burning fire. See where I’m going with this? Sometimes you just need to give it time to find out what makes you and your date click. It’s not the movies, you don’t generally find out that yes, you both love Bon Jovi to the point of obsession as well as adore fresh sushi from that one little restaurant down town, in one go. You have to ask questions, get the ball rolling, spend a little time finding out about one another. Let me tell you, if you’re having a good time, don’t over think how it ‘should’ be. Instead enjoy it how it is.

What should I do to prepare for my first date?

 

What if there was a way to work out if they like you – really like you – that was fail safe?

 

Impossible, you say. No-one can ever know for sure without taking the plunge and asking. However, there is a way to get a strong idea of your crushes’ preference – do they see you as a friend or something more?

 

How do you work this out?

 

Body language. The mystical sixth sense that can help you decipher the feelings of that attractive man across the bar.

 

How does one go about reading this hidden language?

 

  • Posture if a good giveaway. Signs of nervousness, like fidgeting, swinging arms, moving from foot to foot – these all suggest they are anxious in your presence. If they make an effort to look confident though, by straightening up, pulling their shoulders back and standing tall, they are probably trying their best to look impressive for your benefit.
  • Eye contact – I’m not talking full-on, aggressive stare here, more excited flicking, longer than usual glances, lingering looks…Especially take note if you see the eyebrows raise a little when they first look at you and their eyes flick to look at your lips.
  • If she is fiddling with her hair or lipstick , or if he is adjusting his tie and smoothing or messing up his hair then they are trying to attract attention, keep your eyes on them and draw your gaze. A full head of hair shows vitality, touching the lips makes you think about kissing and adjusting clothing can be a status thing.
  • Touching is an obvious tell. If she is touching your forearm or your hand when she laughs, or if he is guiding you round the room with his hand in the small of your back, chances are they are definitely interested.
  • Lending a jacket or jumper is a guy’s way of marking his territory in a crowded bar. It’s also a protective gesture and a self-motivated one – when the jacket comes back it’s going to smell like you.
  • Smiling is a great tell – but check if it is a proper smile that reaches all the way to the eyes and across the face. They obviously feel good about being in your company if they are beaming a smile at you.
  • Nodding along with what you’re saying, especially if the nods are happening in rhythm with what you’re saying is showing interest and a desire for you to continue talking.

 

It’s coming round to that time of year again, folks…

 

The temperature is dropping (or in some cases, rising – you know what I’m talking about!) and ideas of a good time are turning to sharing mulled cider with your beloved, snuggling in front of a log fire together or getting out and about to visit friends and family during the holiday season.

 

What if you find yourself single during this time though? If you want to add a flirtation, a romance or a relationship to your Winter wish-list, join Free and Single today and get on your way to making it happen!

 

Our Guide to Fashion for Great First Impressions when Online Dating

 

Here’s round-up of our fashion and what to wear dating articles so that you can be dressed to impress on all your dates and upcoming parties!

 

The Dating Expert: ‘What Should I Wear on my Date?’

 

How to Dress for a Super Hot Date (This one’s for you, Aussie guys ‘n’ gals!)

 

Before and After: Does Appearance Matter when Online Dating?

 

10 Brilliant Outfits to Wear and the Dates that go with them

 

Dating Help: What Should I Wear?

 

Guide to First Date Outfits

 

Dressing for Your Date: Tips and Pointers

 

Got a date planned this October? Do something out of the box and away from the norm for a date to remember!

 

Perth, Oz – Nip down to the King’s Park for a picnic and enjoy some quality time together chatting, playing ball or frisbee and wandering around the grounds.

 

Boston, USA – Head to Drink, the best bar to get your very own cocktail mixed up to commemorate your date!

 

York, UK – Get in the mood for the spookiest month of the year by heading out on a ghost walk with a guide around the city.

 

Cairns, Oz – Take a pre-Summer mini break to the rainforest’s surrounding Cairns and head to cool village Kuranda on the sky rail for a great day out.

 

San Diego, USA – You either love it or hate it, but the Museum of Contemporary Art is sure to get the two of you talking.

 

Exeter, UK – Work on each other’s trust by heading to the Clip’n’Climb and abseiling down the walls.

 

Darwin, Oz – Head to the Deckchair Cinema Society for an evening enjoying the hustle and bustle of watching the movies outdoors now the temperature is rising.

 

Miami, USA – Go to the zoo for a day and have a whale of a time perusing all the exhibits and chowing down on ice cream.

 

Canterbury, UK – Make the most of the soaring acoustics at the Cathedral for a date with a difference listening to Verdi’s Requiem.

 

The Dating Expert is in the house, ready to answer your questions about first date etiquette, what to wear and how to combat those nerves!

 

Dear DE,
I finally got a date sorted for next week, on Friday with a guy I winked at. We’ve been talking online for a few weeks and I’m really excited – but I don’t know what to wear for the date to make a good first impression. I’m 5’4, dark hair and eyes, pale skin. We’re going to a bar first, then onto dinner.

 

Okay, first off, well done on organizing a date! I could tell in your longer letter that you are pretty nervous, so make sure you feel great before heading off on your date and it will translate. I’d wear a simple dress in a dark jewel colour, cut just above the knee to keep it from swamping your petite frame. Add low heels you are comfy walking in and a sparkly pair of earrings. Have fun!

Wear this jewel toned dress for a date to a bar and dinner to blow him away!

 

Dear DE,
I’ve been invited to my cousin’s wedding in October. The guest list is large and I don’t know many people going as my cousin and I move in different circles. I’m hoping a few eligible, single men might be at the party and I want to look fab so I can chat to everyone and have a good time instead of hiding in the corner. 

 

Sounds like a good time to give yourself a little pampering session to make sure you feel on top form when you arrive at this wedding. Stay demure for the ceremony (and warm) by taking along a smart coat and gloves and then reveal your glamorous self at the reception in a sequin dress ready for dancing in! Add a bright lipstick and don’t forget to take some flats – nothing ruins the mood more than painful feet! Try these Foot Fairies.

 

Submit your questions for the Dating Expert in the comments for next time!

It’s that time of year – still single? Get back to online dating school!

 

Some of you will have been at this for a while and just need a simple refresher course to boost your motivation. Some of you may be trying out internet dating for the first time. Some of you may not have had a hand at meeting dates online yet and are just curious to see what it involves.

 

 

Well, here we go! It’s return to school time, so learn how to get your dating skills up and running with our online dating lesson.

 

Check out our article about the Three Important Factors that determine how many dates you’ll get and once you know where you stand, you can start really amping up your prospects.

 

If you’re worried about how your children will react to you dating again or even want tips on How to Safeguard and Include your Children in your new relationship, make sure to read up on our great ideas for soothing their worries and keeping them involved.

 

Got a date all lined up but not sure what to wear? Our handy guide about Dressing for your Date: Guys and Girls is all set to help you out and keep you on track – regardless of the event or time of day your date is planned for. Try this great article on dressing for a Super Hot Date too.

Here's our dating 101 to help you get back in the online dating game

First Impressions count, so check out our little list of no-nos to combat first date nerves and keep you on track for a great time instead of a meltdown.

 

If you organise a date but have a last-minute emergency that prevents you from attending, make sure to read our tips on Cancelling a Date Gracefully – you don’t want to end up with a slew of upset former admirers avoiding you online.

 

Lastly, if you’re stuck for some date venues or ideas, keep checking back here – we post fab date ideas specific to every month for the UK, the USA and Australia! Here’s our list of fantastic September Date Ideas.

 

Relationships. At the end of the day, if you’re reading this blog, visiting Free and Single and browsing dating profiles, it is for a purpose. You’re not here for kicks, you’re on the hunt for a potential life partner.

 

Now, first, before we go any further; I beg you, have you thought this through? When you picture a ‘relationship’ are you seeing the ups, the downs, the good times and the arguments? Or are you rosily contemplating a life filled with chocolates, red roses and sunsets?

 

Relationships take work. Not back-breaking, miserable Monday-morning feeling work (if it feels like that, it might be time to call it a day). But work nonetheless. There will be days when, say, you’re hungover and want to nap, but your other half is sick and needs you to go out and get cough medicine. There will be times when you really want to go shopping, but it’s the only day your partner’s parents are in town for a visit. There will be points where you question why you are together at all.

 

However, there should also be some serious ‘ups’! Surprise bouquets and being whisked off to the theatre, voluntarily skipping Saturday’s game to accompany you to your best friend’s wedding. These good moments make the work and the compromises easier, make them worth it. At the end of the day, you know you have someone who will support you, look after you and laugh at your jokes.

 

Here are some tips for working that relationship:

 

  1. Never go to bed angry. Ever. No matter how annoyed you are, no matter how tired. Calmly, without shouting, explain that you’re hurt, you’re not happy with the situation, but that you really need to sleep right now or you’ll mess up your big meeting tomorrow. Schedule some time to talk about the issue as soon as possible the next day. Move the venue for the discussion to neutral territory, somewhere public where you can’t shout at each other. Then give them a hug and a kiss and go to bed. The thinking space alone should help resolve the issue the next day.
  2. Now you’re in a couple, you have to think about what the other person would like. If you’re not into that and you don’t understand the word ‘compromise’ then you are not ready to handle a relationship.
  3. Keep the surprise, the suspense and the excitement. Thoughtful gestures, little gifts, compliments, asking for details about their day – all small acts that add up to keep the love burning.
  4. Listen to each other. One of the all-time most important tips for anyone, in any situation, be it dating, friends or relationships. From listening comes true intimacy, true connection and lasting love. You will learn about the other person, you will learn about yourself and you will form a bond that transcends the ordinary.
  5. Keep lines of communication open. Your life is no longer just about you, now you’re sharing it with someone else. You don’t have to report your every move to each other, but if you’ve agreed to meet up and you’re late, show a little common courtesy and phone to tell them. Even if you feel restricted by the interest your other half shows in your whereabouts, it could simply be that they are worried about you. When you’re late, instead of rationally explaining it away as traffic difficulties, they are picturing you mugged and bleeding in an alleyway.

 

Check out these fun date ideas to keep your internet dating varied and exciting when you finally meet each other in the flesh!

 

Celebrate the end of the school holidays by cashing in on the cheaper plane tickets and head to pastures new for your date.

 

UK – Take the party to Paris by hopping across the Channel to catch a rockabilly concert in the city of love.

 

USA – Treat your date to a day out over the border and settle in to relax together at this glamorous spa in Toronto.

 

OZ – Head to Singapore for the weekend and enjoy a mini-break together, sampling the delights of traditional mooncakes.

 

Think swanky outfits, glittering conversation and exciting new venues to impress your date with.

 

UK – Don your glad rags and treat your date to a night out in Manchester. Keep your heads in the clouds and enjoy the view (and the cocktails!)

 

USA – Got milk? Chill out to some new tunes at San Francisco‘s groovy venue.

 

OZ – Like cabaret? Get to Melbourne’s premier entertainment night and head to the Gangster’s Ball for drinks and fun.

 

Get cosy and start the wind down into the next season by making the most of what’s around at the moment.

 

UK – Take advantage of the cooler evenings and pack blankets and beer before heading out to an evening screening of a classic movie in London.

 

USA – Start moving by attending an open day at a dance school – it’s free, and there is a beer garden out back for when the pirouettes get too much.

 

OZ – Enjoy a good hot dog? Head round Sydney, any day of the week, and pick up a tasty snack to chow down on as you enjoy chatting with your date.

 

How do you act on dates?

We all know that if you have an intense fear of heights plus trust issues, then going on a bungee jump for your first date is quite likely to literally make or break the beginnings of your new relationship. After all, if its likely you’re going to be mentally (or physically) scarred by the date, chances are it doesn’t bode well for any future between the two of you.
However, knowing your own strengths and weaknesses is supremely helpful when venturing into the dating pool. You have the power to line up events to suit you so that you will be at your most confident, self-assured and ready to feel that spark – if it exists.
Why would you not take the opportunity to work out your dating character so you can leave the rest up to fate?

First, you have to work out your default dating style.

a) Noisy & rambling

Do you find yourself laughing louder than usual, embarking on long anecdotes and loosing track of what you were talking about mid-way through?
If you react to tension by getting louder, speaking faster or just speaking for the sake of filling the silence, then now is the time to act. Start practicing pacing your speech, keep on track of what you are saying and slow it down as you speak. You just need to calm down and then you will act more yourself. Make sure to breathe between sentences and try posing questions instead of running through anecdotes.

b) Intense & interrogative

Do you pile the pressure on your date, willing them to be ‘The One’? Do you delve right in at the deep end and start talking life goals, baby names and favorite hymns for the wedding before the aperitif?
Chill out! Even if the person you are sitting across from is ‘The One’, they are going to be so freaked out by your heavy-weight approach they will run screaming from the building at the first opportunity. Try and relax into your date, appreciate it as a way to experience someone new’s approach to things. Make an effort to listen to them and ask pertinent questions about their stories – don’t just ask to see their medical history forms and their CV, this is not meant to be a job interview.

c) Shy & quiet

Do you clam up when faced with a new person? Does your conversation become reduced to nods and shakes of the head and some nervous smiling?
If you’re shy, you will already be aware of what an issue it can be when it comes to meeting new people. The cure is practice! Don’t fall back on a shot of Dutch courage before your date, instead try to talk through with yourself why you are nervous. Be brave and just go for it – have some pre-prepared questions to ask when your mind goes blank and then just concentrate on listening to the other person. When they start asking you questions, try and answer in full sentences instead of one-word bursts.

d) Terrified & shaking

If you are honestly scared of even meeting your date, there are several things you can do to calm your nerves. Firstly, arrange to meet in a public place. Secondly, maybe keep it casual the first one or two times you meet by both agreeing to take a friend with you and double dating. Learn some deep breathing exercises (in through the mouth, out through the nose) that will force your body to calm down and stop shaking. Avoid alcohol and caffeine.

e) Calm & positive

Well look at you! If you can approach a new date feeling this zen, you are doing very well.
However, be careful that you are not so relaxed that you appear uninterested or indecisive. Make sure you still engage with your date by asking questions, listening to what they have to say and helping to make any decisions, like what to order for dessert. If they end up driving the conversation, they won’t feel as if they had a good date at the end of the evening.
Now you know how you act during a date, you are ready to implement some changes to ensure you are more confident and more ready to connect with the person you are meeting. After that, its just a matter of taking every opportunity available to you to experience that melding of minds and chemistry that signals a real relationship potential.