dating

Who has seen the TV show Dates?

I started watching Dates in the expectation that it would show couples meeting, give me tips on first date nerves, venues and fashion, and it has to an extent, done just that. However, the show deals with actual real-life scenarios as opposed to the perfect, ‘everything-will-work-out-for-the-best’ Rom-Coms of cinematic fame.

 

I like the idea of everything working out. I’m a romantic at heart, I like to think everyone will get their happy-ever-after. While many of the characters in Dates do go on to start new relationships, it has yet to be with the person they meet on their date. Instead, the show explores the idea that meeting a new person can help clarify your own purpose in signing up to an internet dating site.

 

Why Did You Sign Up For Internet Dating?

Have you registered for online dating to ignore a bad break-up? To try and please your family? With hope that you can escape loneliness? Whatever your reasons were for taking the plunge and signing up, Dates shows that that action is just the beginning of your adventure into the dating world.

 

I think one of the key take-away points from Dates is that one date, one possible match, one person, should not be the be-all and end-all of your dating career. Sure, a lucky 1% may meet their first internet date in person and they’ll both be set for life. How lovely. For the rest of us, it takes work, effort and perseverance. So instead of looking at dating as a second job, desperate to find ‘The One’ and get on with living your life together, try to see dating as a means of meeting new people who just happen to be single.

 

Yes, there is pressure to deliver on dates. However, if you can ignore that and just have a good time, relax and enjoy finding out about someone you haven’t met before, you never know what you could find. Some you won’t see again. A few may turn out to be good acquaintances in the future. You might even find a new best friend, someone you really connect with but have no special chemistry with.

 

Embracing opportunity, experiencing new things and opening up to new people all push you just outside of your usual comfort zone and help to create the person you’ll be when you do meet your other half for the first time.

 

Let this be a Summer of dating and opportunity!

 

Summer flings can be a lot of fun for dating singles

Times are a-changin’

Something about the change in season, the rising temperatures and the proximity of Pimms causes most people to start daydreaming about Summer romance. While you want someone to snuggle up with during the long cold Winter months, Summer is a time for getting out and about, being spontaneous and just kicking back and enjoying life.

 

Will you, won’t you?

Of course, the trouble with Summer flings is that often, they evolve more intensely and at a faster pace than a normal relationship due to the excitement of the season and the time ticking away until it starts chucking it down with rain again. Sometimes, this isn’t a problem, both parties having entered the fling with the knowledge that the end will come and thus savouring the sweeter moments of the tryst all the more. Of course, it doesn’t always work out this way and you have to think about what you want before you get involved with someone.

 

You’ve got a crush and you’ve got it bad…

If you have been single a while and have had no luck in finding a potential partner, then when a seemingly perfect Summer fling fills your days with fun, laughter and a feeling of intimacy, you are quickly going to find yourselves falling head over heels. When the fling ends along with BBQ season, you’re going to be crushed and even more unlikely to feel up to dating other people. So consider your heart carefully before jumping into any relationships you know can’t have a future.

 

Some sage advice to follow

If you have ‘The Conversation’ to discuss where your fledgling romance is headed, be clear about what it is you want and do not settle. Never remain in a relationship with someone who only wants a fling if you want something more. You can’t change them, you won’t convince them otherwise – you’ll only end up hurt and alone.

 

But what if..?

Of course, there is the possibility that your Summer fling is the one for you, in which case, let the relationship grow naturally. You wouldn’t demand answers about your future from a someone you had only been seeing for two weeks in the real world, why would you try that tactic just because it’s hot outside and you’re in a holiday mood? If the weather turns Autumnal and you’re still meeting up from impromptu picnics in the park at lunch or discussing what to do next weekend together, relax into it and enjoy. Don’t feel the need to start classifying your relationship or forcing it.

 

Stay in and snuggle;

UK – Spend the evening playing cards, board games and dominoes while you get to know each other better. Continue the date by meeting for Brunch at Honey & Co the following morning.

 

USA – Pick a cuisine from this List of Take Out Food in San Francisco and order up a feast, then build a tent in the living room, cosy up and watch movies, chat and chow down.

 

OZ – Check out the Standard, Fitzrovia, Melbourne for some at-home comforts in a cosy pub atmosphere. Catch a trivia night or their music festival, and stay cosied up in a corner people watching.

 

 

Get out and about;

UK – Pop to Edinburgh for the day and visit Alien Rock, an indoor climbing center that will smooth out any trust issues and help you work up an appetite for later!

 

USA – Whisk your date to the Santa Monica Pier Twilight Concerts in LA, along with a thoughtfully prepared picnic hamper and chilled bottle (or two) of wine.

 

OZ – I’ve yet to meet a women (or a man) who doesn’t enjoy the odd taster of chocolate goodies, so head to Hunter Valley Gardens, Sydney for their Chocolate Festival.

 

 

Travel somewhere new;

UK – Take a cheap flight to Madrid and enjoy walking the sun drenched streets, sampling tapas and grooving to new music together at Marula Cafe.

 

USA – Take a trip this Summer and head off to Vancouver with your beloved! Try visiting the Grouse Mountain Yoga Morning for sports with a view.

 

OZ – Hop on a flight to Singapore and explore some of the vibrant cities lesser-known cultural exhibits – check out these 11 secret museums.

 

 

Dating at breakfast time - what to wear?

‘Fancy a Bagel?’ Breakfast Date

Men

If you’re off to breakfast together, make an effort. To be fair, this goes for every date, but the last thing you want is for her to start her day staring across the table at a bleary eyed, hair-mussed, scraggly shaved example of manhood. Go to bed early, get up on time, shower! Dress in lighter colours but stick to smart silhouettes – ironed trousers, soft shirt, layering jumper. Come prepared to discuss the day ahead.

Women

Obviously, you have to dress for the day in front of you but stick in something special to give a nod to the fact you’re meeting a date first. Make sure you give yourself time in the morning do do your hair and make-up to your satisfaction and wear softer colours than you would in the evening. A white shirt and colourful silk scarf is a fail safe option every women can pull out of the wardrobe to look classy and pulled together early in the morning.

 

Take a date to lunch to get to know them better

 

‘Let’s do Lunch’ Date

Men

It’s lunchtime, your morning passed in a blur, you feel run ragged already. Head to the bathroom! Splash some cold water on your face and wrists, re-apply deodorant and re-style your hair if necessary. If you were super prepared, slip on the spare shirt you brought with you and be fresh as a daisy when you walk into the lunch date. Smart shoes are a must, unless you’re doing street vendor food, in which case have a back-up plan for where to sit if it rains.

Women

Your head is still concentrating on the details for that afternoon meeting and your nervous hair twirling has caused a frizz situation. To the ladies room! A wash of the hands, a spritz of perfume and a bouff up of the hair under the blowdryer serves to have you ready to charm and chat all through lunch. Take a smaller bag with you to keep your focus on your date and not your iphone. Slip a cosy cardigan on to break down the ‘I’m at work’ barriers and help you relax over lunchtime.

 

What to wear to the date you know is breaking up with you

 

‘We Need to Talk’ Break-up Date

Men

If you are about to ditch someone, tone down your look. Dress in sombre colours and at least look like you spent the last few nights in anguish over your decision. If you think you are about to be subjected to the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line yourself, dress like you own your own very successful company, have legions of adoring fans awaiting you around every corner and have only to buy a new deodorant to have women swarming all over you. Think smart shoes, fresh haircut, dab of fresh cologne. You’ve already moved on, baby.

Women

If you are about to commence break-up speech number two with your unfortunate date, have the decency to look average, or better, plain. Dark colours, nothing fancy with your hair or make-up, simple clothes. No need to twist the dagger, as it were. However, if you suspect you’re about to get dumped, look fabulous. Accentuate your figure, get a blow dry, wear your favorite lipstick and don some sexy (but walkable) heels. Accept the dumping with a glossy smile, then sashay out of there like you’re off to meet the President for drinks.

 

What to wear for your engagement

 

‘Will you Marry Me’ Date

Men

If you’re getting down on one knee, start off with a good quality, dark trouser – no need to have dirt decorating your knees for the rest of the day, especially as you’re likely to be either wining and dining your new fiancee or else drowning your sorrows in the pub with your mates. Depending on how you plan to pop the question, add a suitable top half of the outfit (polo shirt if active, ironed shirt if dressed up and tee shirt…no, never a tee shirt. Make some effort, please). Make sure you have a jacket with a secure inner pocket, natch.

Women

If you’re the one trying to make an honest man of him, good for you. See above. If you merely suspect that you are about to be proposed to, put some extra effort in. After all, there will likely be photos and these pictures will stick around for the entire rest of your life, so no pressure. Get your hair done before your date, keep your make-up simple and classic – anything trendy will date so fast and have you hiding those pictures within the year. Dress appropriately for the venue and get a French manicure, you know. Just in case.

 

CHECK OUT MORE GREAT ARTICLES ON WHAT TO WEAR: 

More advice on what to wear for a first date

Get some date ideas that nix the classic ‘I have nothing to wear’ wail by their very nature.

Planning your outfit along with your date

 

We all have moments, as singletons, where we think; ‘What’s the point?’

 

Why are we expending all this energy and money and time on trying to find a relationship?

It’s at this point that you have to take a step back from the dating scene to re-evaluate what it is you want, are looking for and need from a future partner.

 

After all, sometimes you can just get caught up in the dating whirlwind and forget what it is that you’re actually there for. When dating stops being fun and starts being a chore, you know you have to take a break and rediscover yourself. After all, if that certain someone special were to walk through the door tomorrow, would you want them to see the frazzled, disillusioned, down-and-out you, or the refreshed and fabulous, ready-to-fall-in-love you?

 

Clearly, you want to be at your best when the big moment comes.

 

Sometimes, the most important relationship in your life should be how you treat yourself. Take some personal time to catch up with friends and family and just get out and about exploring your world as yourself, without any ulterior motive of attracting a significant other.

 

Here are some ideas for rediscovering yourself and refreshing your mind before diving back into the dating pool.

 

1) Take joy in being completely able to do whatever you like. Come Saturday morning, you don’t have to wait around while your other half tries on clothes in the mall, or cheers the local footie club to victory. You have the freedom to do absolutely anything that takes your fancy without having to check in with another person first.

 

2) Spend a bit of cash on yourself. Without having to report your spending habits to another, you can splurge on that new widescreen TV or pair of designer shoes without worrying about hiding the box in the wardrobe.

 

3) Take some time to design an interior that really appeals to you and reflects your personality. You can re-do the space so it suits what you now use it for, content in the knowledge that it can be completely your taste and not a mish-mash of styles.

 

4) Take joy in the lack of damp towels spread over the floor of a morning, or the constant cry of ‘Put the loo seat down!’ Maybe your own personal hell is arriving in the bedroom to find clothes scattered everywhere from that morning’s game of ‘I have nothing to wear!’ At this moment, your space is your space and the annoying habits of another half a distant memory.

 

5) Cook whatever you want to eat, or go out to any restaurant you fancy. You don’t have to constrain your mealtimes to accommodate someone else’s preferences, weird diets or finicky eating habits. Revel in the pleasure of eating whatever you please, even if that is cheese and nutella sandwiches – hey, there is no-one to judge you!

 

1. Discuss what holidays mean to each of you – does one of you prefer action and adventure while the other one just wants to chill in the spa?

 

2. Make compromises – agree to do a bit of what makes each other happy before judging. So the yoga bunny could try out quad biking one morning while the action man can agree to trial a downward dog sunrise session the day after.

 

3. Set a budget and stick to it. These days its not expected for the man to pay for everything, but everyone still has different rules in their minds of who should pay for what. Discuss money before you go and make sure you know who is paying for what so you don’t end up with any nasty surprises.

 

4. Prioritise each other. At the end of the day, you are not single anymore and while it is fine to take time apart to pursue different aspects of your holiday, try and meet-up again in the evenings for dinner and a drink, or for a walk at lunchtime, or a snuggle and a lie-in in the morning. This is a couple holiday.

 

5. Plan, plan, plan. Not to destroy spontaneity, but if one of you is a tad more punctual than the other, keep that in mind. When you are waiting for your other half to turn up for a flight and the departure gates are starting to close, that can put stress on even the most solid of relationships. Not a good way to start the holiday.

 

6. Enjoy yourselves! After all, you are on holiday! Let the freedom of not having to wake up early for work, suffer through a long commute, deal with the boss, meet with clients, eat the same bad sandwich from the corner store at lunchtime – revitalise you!

 

7. Try new things.Holiday’s are the time to get experimental, especially if you can be nervous about new experiences at home. Maybe taste the local cusine instead of plumping for chips, check out the local sights instead of just chilling by the pool and buy a souvenir together to remind you of your first holiday.

 

8. If you are a ‘I’ve got nothing to wear’ sort of person, simplify your holiday morning routine by deciding on an outfit while you are still at home and packing it in its entirety. Crisis averted and no-one has to stand around wasting precious holiday time because of a sartorial melt-down!

 

9. Both keep your own travel documents and euros on your person, but make sure you have copies of your partners documents too – that way if one on you looses your stuff, you have a back-up plan already in place to catch you and keep things from getting too stessfull.

 

10. Relax! This is some quality alone time to be together with your honey, to enjoy being with them in a new place and to experience what concentrated time alone means for your relationship. Embrace the opportunity and have a great time.

You know what? Losing love, breaking off a relationship, splitting up – it sucks. Big time. Not only do you lose that person in your life, but you lose a little bit of yourself. However brief the time you spent together was, it still will have affected you and changed you, helped to shape the type of person you are now.

 

There are a few steps the professionals will ramble on about, citing ‘degree of loss’ and ‘getting past it’. We at Free and Single agree with them, to an extent. In the face of it though, getting over a break up is hard, however you try and minimise the pain with steps. Still, when you are sat alone, wondering what happened and trying to figure out a way to blame yourself, it can seriously help to have a few well-meaning goals to work towards, to help you out of the bubble of self-pity.

 

So here are the Free and Single steps to surviving a break-up and getting back out into the world.

 

1. Mourn it

Ok, so first you have to put some time aside to simply feel the emotions. You can try and repress them, but they’ll just come bubbling to the surface when you least expect it – usually in public, like in a new job interview or as you pull into your train station. Take a few days to just wallow. Curl up in bed, don’t change your PJs, eat a steady diet of ice cream, you know, whatever helps. Just feel it.

 

2. Re-invest in yourself

Once the sobbing is over, take a shower and clean up your space. No-one is going to feel better surrounded by three days worth of empty takeout boxes. Now, take a moment to list all the things you would like to be. Cut out pictures or inspirational words. Join Pinterest. Once you have an image in your head, start moving towards it. Always wanted to see if blondes have more fun? Head to the salon. All that misery pizza causing a few extra pounds? Pop along to the park for a run. Enjoy some proper me-time and get yourself back on top form.

 

3. Join / start something new

Now you’re ready to experience something new, but your emotions are still a little fragile to dive straight back into dating territory. Now is the time to pick up an evening class or new hobby. It will fill the time you used to spend together, so you won’t be sat at home thinking about what you used to do when you were in a relationship and it will give you something exciting to think about and focus on. Always felt arty? Try a life drawing class. Confused about golf? Check out a club open day and some lessons. Like to go fast? Join a racing track.

 

4. Be open to socialising

Now that you have semi-recovered, you need to do the final and hardest thing: get back out into the world, for real. You’re looking great, you have a fabulous new hobby to talk about and you have a bunch of friends who would love to see you smiling again. So head out for dinner with the girls, or pop to the pub with your mates. No pressure to go looking for love, you are just readjusting to a world without your relationship. Enjoy it. Have a few beers, or buy those shoes, knowing you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone when you get home.

 

5. Try dating again

Once you feel whole again, let your friends know. They can set you up with people for a no-pressure reintroduction to dating. Log onto Free and Single and start browsing profiles. You never know who you might meet. Keep going to your evening class or hobby, or gym, or local park and be open to smiling and saying hi to other people you come across. Feel good about yourself, and the rest will follow.

 

Good luck!

Go to an exhibition to show off your cultural cahonies

In the UK? Try visiting London for the Life and Death in Pompeii and Herculaneum exhibit, where you’ll leave with a real sense that life is precious.

In Oz? Pop to Melbourne to sample some of the city’s renowned art and see One Hundred and Twenty Seconds crowdfunding art project in Federation Square, teaching you to make the most of every moment.

In the USA? Why not head over to see Upstream Colour, a new film released in early April and enjoy a giggle together in the back of the cinema as the baffling story plays out in front of your eyes.

 

Head to a sporting event together

In the UK? Head to the FINA Diving World Series in Edinburgh to catch a glimpse of some of the world’s best high divers doing what they do, all while wearing nothing more than teeny tiny pants.

In Australia? Get yourselves to Canberra to support the Australian Running Festival and maybe even spark off some inspiration to attempt a marathon yourselves.

In the USA? Head to Georgia for the Golf Masters Tournament. Take a picnic and enjoy a stroll around the grounds watching the best golfers in the world make their moves.

 

Check out a food festival to share new tastes with each other

In the UK? Visit the Lancashire Food Festival and let your taste buds be tempted by the huge array of delicacies on offer. Don’t forget to share, this is no place for chip-watching.

In Oz? Check out the Kangaroo Island Seafood Festival and gobble platefuls of freshly caught fish, as well as enjoying seaside BBQs and campfire cooking.

In America? Find a festival dedicated to everyone’s favorite breakfast item and go to BaconFest, in Chicago to sample bacon from producers all over the country.

 

Have a great date, wherever you are and let us know in the comments whether you have any tips for date ideas to do in May!

 

 

You’ve spent time, effort and money getting ready for your date.

 

You know the venue, the time, you’re excited to meet this person you’ve been messaging back and forth. You’re hopeful that the elusive spark will be there, that this could be the start of something real.

 

What do you pack in your handbag, or slip in your pockets before you leave though to help make sure the evening goes smoothly?

 

There is always something that you can think of that could help you in a sticky situation – ever ripped your skirt on a date and now obsessively carry around a sewing kit?

 

I’ve put together a list of items for ladies and gentlemen that can help put your mind at ease while you’re on a date – after all, if you are prepared for something, it very rarely happens and you can just relax.

 

Ladies

  1. Mini Listerine/ Breath Mints/ Mini Toothbrush
  2. Mini Dry Shampoo
  3. Antibacterial Gel
  4. Blister plasters
  5. Body moisturiser
  6. Nail file
  7. Tampon
  8. Taxi fare
  9. Mini Umbrella
  10. Mascara/Lipstick

 

Gentlemen

  1. Spare jumper
  2. Taxi fare and loose cash
  3. Smart shoes
  4. Breath mints/mini toothbrush
  5. Comb

 

Feeling sick? Got a cold? How to cancel your date gracefully

By signing up to an online dating service, you are declaring to the world that you are ready and willing and available to date. You are putting yourself out there, on the line, ready for acceptance and rejection, in the hope that love and romance are just around the corner.

 

Having gone to the effort of deciding to join an internet dating website like Free and Single, filling out your profile with just the right balance of measured wit and lighthearted whimsy, taking the perfect profile picture and cultivating a messaging relationship with one or two promising people there are only three reasons you would cancel a long awaited date with someone;

 

1) Sickness

2) Genuine Emergency

3) You have changed your mind

 

So, how do you go about actually cancelling this date? Presumably you do not wish to hurt anyone’s feelings, you’ve been there and you remember what it felt like.

 

It entirely depends on why you are cancelling.

 

First, try and cancel as far in advance as you can. A last minute drop out is less than flattering to your date and doesn’t show much consideration for them, their time and effort in getting ready for the date or their feelings at being cancelled on.

 

Second, if you still want to have the date but your pre-arranged time or date just isn’t going to work for you anymore, then let them know you are only postponing the date. Consider sending flowers or a handwritten note apologising for cancelling and asking to reschedule.

 

Now, to the the crux of the matter – why are you cancelling in the first place and what do you say to get out of the date?

 

1) Sickness

If you are ill, you have to let them know. You don’t have to go into the gory details, but let them know how rough you are feeling. Calling someone ten minutes before you meet them to let them know your throat ‘feels a bit sore’ is not going to fly if you plan on still having this date in the future. If you feel sick the morning of your date, send them a message to let them know you are not feeling tip top and you’ll let them know by lunchtime whether you are going to make the date or if you’ll have to reschedule.

Remember, an apple a day…

How to postpone your online date at short notice if you're ill

 

2) Genuine Emergency

This category is, by ts very nature, unplanned and unpredictable, so reasonable notice may not be possible. However, let your date know the moment you know you won’t be able to make it and unless you are guarding a National Secret, give them an explanation; ‘I’m sorry I can’t make it, my neighbour fell down the stairs and I need to take her to hospital, I’ll call you later to catch you up and reschedule our date.’  This will go over much better than the classic soap opera; ‘Family emergency! Sorry! Bye!’

3) You have changed your mind

The best thing to do here is the hardest. Go anyway and let the date make your mind up for you – you obviously felt some sort of interest or you wouldn’t have got to the point where you had organised a date with this person.  If it doesn’t go as you hoped, no harm, no foul, no second date. Just make sure you let them down gently. After all, you should always treat others how you would wish to be treated!