dating

We seemed to ‘click’ during chats and after a week we took the plunge and decided to meet up. On our first date we both felt that certain chemistry. So much so, we met again only three days later.

Your first date is mere hours away and you are a bag of nerves. ‘What ifs?’ run through your head, scenarios good and bad have you packing your bag with everything from spare lipstick to bandages. You know, just in case. Well, I have narrowed down the list of things you have to worry about by graciously removing at least ten things, leaving you with time enough to pile the contents of your wardrobe on the bed. Without further ado then, here are ten things to remember for your first date.

 

 

 

 

  1.  If you are in charge of organising the date, then have a think about it to make it relevant. You don’t want to be the person who takes a different date to the same restaurant every Friday night. Think of what you know about your date already and try to include these details into your planning. Know they love penguins? Why not surprise them with a trip to the zoo. Did their profile mention how much they adore chocolate? A trip to a chocolate factory with a pre-arranged tour could be your ticket to an excellent first impression and a great date as well! Always make a back-up plan – nothing says thoughtful like running from a soggy picnic in the park to reserved tables at a good restaurant in town.Give some thought to your date and always have a back-up plan!
  2. When it comes to getting ready for your date, one thing is paramount: wear simple, comfortable clothing that suits you. You want to make a good impression, so don’t choose this moment to wander far from your comfort zone and get a green mohican to appear more ‘cool’. Make sure you approach your date with an open mind and try not to fixate on tall, dark and handsome. Might be you have a thing for blondes you just never knew about.First impressions count...but stay in your comfort zone
  3. Having finally arrived at the crucial moment when you meet, possibly for the first time, pay attention to your date! This is not the time to become self-absorbed. Pay them a genuine compliment and show you appreciate the effort they have made for you. Try not to be so nervous you whip out a generic, ‘You look nice.’ Maybe even pre-prepare some compliments specially, to calm your flummoxed mind.Pay attention to your date!
  4. Listen to your date when they are talking! Try not to dominate the conversation, you want a good back and forth to get started. Ask questions about them. Have a few conversational gambits up your sleeves in case of lulls. Make sure you are up to date on current events so if all else fails you can discuss the economy intelligently.Listen. Ask questions. Your date doesn't want a monologue about your life right now.
  5. Try to keep yourself in the moment, enjoying the date. Reminiscing about the last relationship you were in or comparing your current date to an old paramour is the fastest way to ensure there is never a second date.Try to relax and enjoy your date, not plan tomorrow's grocery list
  6. Whatever you do, avoid your mobile phone. Everyone is onto the old ‘family emergency’ get out clause by now and responding ‘for work reasons’ is a terrible excuse. Give your date your full attention. Leave your phone on silent or vibrate, have it fully charged certainly for safety reasons, but don’t answer it or text while you are with your date. It is just plain rude.There is a reason it is called 'face-to-face' interaction. Put your phone away.
  7. There is no way to say this one lightly: don’t come on too strong. Even if you just woke up from a nightmare where you were the last person on Earth, alone forever and you believe this to be a portent there is absolutely no need to share this foreboding with your date. You will freak them out and put extra pressure on the outcome of your first date. Dating is meant to be fun people, not an audition for marriage or parenthood!First dates are no the place to discuss your future kids names and college plans
  8. Stay positive and show your good humour and relaxed nature. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Shouting at the waiter doesn’t impress anyone, it just makes you look like a bully. No-one likes a bully.Treat others as you would wish to be treated
  9. Ah, the age-old who-pays-for-what issue. Here’s a solution: whoever initiated the date offers to pay. The other can offer to purchase the next thing, like going onto a bar for a drink or meeting up next week for coffee. Alternate paying can help you raise the awkward point of a second date, without appearing pushy. Make sure you carry some cash on you as well, in case you end up paying for your half or your cab home – or just in case the place you’re at doesn’t have a card reader.Money can be tricky, don't let it ruin your date
  10. Stay safe. Make sure you don’t drink too much. If you need to calm your nerves take deep breathes not shots of whisky. Let a friend know where you are and tell them to expect your call at the end of the date so someone knows where you are. If you feel uncomfortable with the way the date is progressing, either bring it up or leave. Stay in a public place and be cautious. If they are a nice person they won’t mind you taking precautions for your safety.Stay safe. Dutch courage is traditionally taken in small amounts...
Have a good time and remember, above all, to just relax and have fun!

Try and treat them how you would want to be treated in this situation

 

First off, I have to state – I have absolutely no patience for ‘The Rules’. My stand is if you like someone, you tell them. If you don’t, well, is it more or less awkward than the first option? Doesn’t matter – still, in my guidebook, you tell them.

 

I am a proponent of tact however, so if you don’t feel that your first date or meeting or skype chat or whatever illicited anything other than a wasted portion of your life, grow up. Everyone we meet and interact with gives us something of themselves. Even if they were the most abominable bad date you have ever experienced, just think – now you know exactly what you’re not looking for. Many people haven’t had a chance to narrow that down yet. It’s all about the silver linings, people!

 

What to do about it:

So, back on track, if you’re feeling less than enamoured of your date, don’t lead them on. Sleep on your decision and when an invitation to the second date turns up, turn it down.

  • Don’t offer to stay friends if you really didn’t click.
  • Don’t give them a pity date.
  • Think of just one good thing, however insignificant from your failed date, cite it in thanks and then turn them down.

Even if they know what you’re up to, they’ll appreciate the sentiment of you not ripping out their heart and stomping on it.

‘Thank-you very much for helping me discover that fantastic little restaurant, but I don’t think we really connected enough for a second date.’

No need for embellishment, or the addition of further compliments. Say your piece and scamouche – no hanging around for a rejection coffee, no one likes that! Instead, wander on home and log in to your Free and Single account to have another try and see who else is out there.

Have a great date at the seaside, check out Fit Free and Single for beach bunnies

 

With all this rain we’ve been having it seems appropriate to have a list of inside activities you can do away from your own home – after all, meeting someone you’ve met online should, for the first time at least, occur in public. If you have any ideas or wild successes, do please send them in!

 

For the Young Free and Single, Summer automatically calls to mind long, warm, balmy days that you can spend outside at the beach or the park. However, if its rainy, the lure of the parental residence is not so appealing. Instead of turning to cinemas, which are entertaining but not exactly great if you are trying to get to know someone, look outside the box. Try an indoor ski slope and try your hand (or should that be your feet?) at learning to ski or snowboard. Learning a new activity together really sparks off the conversation and makes sure there are no awkward pauses! If you’re looking for something a bit more chilled, why not sign up for a baking class and make each other cupcakes while brushing flour off your noses?

 

Free and Single Parents have a double whammy to think of new activities – more likely than not your kids will be involved in the outing. A visit to a historical site can be perfect. Jousting tournaments and characters entertain the kids (often there will be kids-only crèches or activities) while well-deserving parents can take a stroll through the grounds, learn a bit of history or just sneak into the café and enjoy a cream tea. If your kids are a little bit older, why not try a fun activity day like ‘Go Ape’, where you all get harnessed up and swing through the trees, teasing each other and motivating everyone – it’s a great way to forge bonds and encourage interaction.

Summer fling or blossom into a full relationship?

 

While Summer has not exactly been a blast of hot air this year (more of a damp squib!) there are still great things you can plan to make your days off from the daily grind that bit more exciting. How best to experience new adventures, than with a new person to help explore and shine a new perspective on things?

 

For the health nut who likes to check on Fit Free and Single, why not charm a skittish athlete into discovering the joys of an early morning run? Indeed, a day trip could be created to visit a new area, take in a view, play Frisbee or mini golf and then partake in a tasty, well-balanced picnic. Even if the weather backs out on you, I find nothing can bring together new people like competition. Head to an indoor leisure centre for a frolic in the pool, a friendly battle in the squash courts or even head to the pub for a game of snooker or darts.

 

Summer for the Mature Free and Single can open up a whole world of opportunities. When you know there are places you wish to visit, but the appeal lessens without someone to accompany you? Find a likely compatriot on Free and Single and you can spend the entire season, (and beyond!) exploring new ground and reminiscing about previous adventures. I think a stroll along the coast in Cornwall or Kent, followed by fresh seafood and leisurely drinks is a sure fire way to entertain. Maybe you would prefer something even more cultural and could take a day trip to a local gallery or a hands-on craft activity such as pottery painting?

 

Come back for part two where I muse on date ideas for Young Free and Singles and Free and Single Parents!

Free and Single want to help you with your own dating success story!

How is this for the most perfect success story you have ever heard?

It is the stuff internet dating dreams are made of.

So have a little read of Janet’s story to see how she initiated contact with Martin and how they both fell in love and are now in their happy ever after…

‘I first winked at Martin on 25th June 2011 and we had our first date two weeks later on Friday 8th July. Martin said he didn’t usually reply to winks but when he saw my profile and photo he couldn’t resist (aww!).

From then on, we spent every weekend together and gradually realised we’d hit the jackpot and fell in love. We started talking about getting engaged in August but thought it was too soon and were worried about what other people might think, so we decided to wait until June 2012 which would have been Martin’s Mum’s birthday – sadly she passed away a few years earlier.

By September we were both positive we had something amazing and changed our plans – we bought the ring but waited until Christmas day to get engaged – it was so special and Martin almost cried. We now have the Wedding booked for 21st March 2014 at Cooling Castle Barn in Kent and i just can’t wait!

If someone had told us this time last year that we would find our perfect partner online and be engaged and planning a dream wedding by this time, I think we would have both been a little scepticle – but it has happened and we are both over the moon.

We can’t thank you and your team enough – we now have an amazing life together to look forward to. It’s a dream that absolutely came true!

Online dating really does work!

Jan and Martin
xx

Just what is she thinking?

Ah, the minefield that is the female mind. A mystery to menfolk everywhere, I am here to try and give you a basic hand in deciphering the riddles that women can effortlessly create for the haphazard confusion of men. Hopefully, this handy guide should help you out on your next date.

 

She Says: ‘I have nothing to wear!’

She Means: Do not respond with the obvious. You both know that she owns copious amounts of clothes. You both know that at least half of them are clean and either hanging up or folded neatly away (or strewn across the floor dependant on her tidying style). However, what you do not comprehend is that she is looking for a particular outfit, maybe one she just saw in a magazine, almost entirely possibly that she doesn’t actually own. She is not only looking for the clothes, but also for the exact way in which those clothes were worn in that picture, along with the hairstyle and make-up. Probably the lighting, props and surroundings. Sometimes, she is not looking for an actual outfit, but the feeling that accompanies the wearing of the right outfit for the activity at hand. Basically, she is trying to create the vision she had of what she should look like, realising it is not going to happen because she only has ten minutes left before the taxi arrives and no styling team to give her a hand, and then wailing ‘I have nothing to wear!’ because for some reason, that makes more sense than trying to explain what the actual problem is. Ideally, offer to pick something for her. Then she can snort with derision, tell you exactly why that outfit would be wrong for the task at hand, pick a better alternative and wear it all day having replaced the feeling of confusion with one of smugness. Everyone wins.

 

She Says: ‘No chips for me please, I’m on a diet.’

She Means: First off, instantly tell her she looks gorgeous. Then depending on how hungry you are, either order a larger portion of chips or allocate about 5 or 6 chips as lost to you in your mind. Then you can allow her to sneak chips off your plate without getting annoyed at her insane notion that calories from a different plate don’t count. Another method here would be to cover the chips in a condiment you like and she does not, but that can occasionally backfire depending on how much she really wants those chips and whether or not she ordered an actual meal or just salad. Be wary.

 

She Says: ‘How do I look in this dress?’

She Means: The key here is tact and distraction. If yes, feel free to shower her with compliments, but be aware that she is unlikely to believe any of them. You could try a favourable comparison technique, whereby you tell her you didn’t like the dress on the model, until you saw it on her. If the answer would honestly be no however – I repeat; tact and distraction! First off, say it looks good. Then, before she can say anything (but she has started pulling that face) pick a detail about the dress and point out how it doesn’t do her figure/legs/colouring justice and you think she would look even better in a dress that highlighted her figure/legs/colouring – get my drift here?

 

What other lines do the ladies give you that get you all confused? Send them in in the comments or tweet me @freeandsingle and I’ll have a go at translating!

Do you feel that special 'spark'?

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’ve had the date, you’ve got back home and you sit down. That wasn’t really what you had hoped for – the date didn’t go smoothly, or you really just had nothing to talk about. The banter you shared while writing messages to each other disappeared when you were face to face. You had built up a picture in your mind of a petite brunette and ended up meeting a towering blonde. Their mannerisms unsettled you, you had a disagreement about the movie…whatever it was, the feeling is clear. You didn’t feel that certain something, that ‘spark’. You don’t really want to pursue this any further.

 

First up, you have to decide if you are just completely incompatible, whether you could be friends but nothing more or whether it was just a really bad first date and a second might be worth trying. After all, something about them made you want to meet them in the first place, so a second chance could be worth it.

 

Incompatible:

This is going to be hard, no denying it. You have seen them in person and now you have to let them down. If you are lucky, they felt the same about the experience and will have to qualms accepting what you need to say. If you are not lucky, they’ll have had a great time and not realised that you did not share that with them. Be tactful, let them down gently but don’t feel guilt tripped into a second date. If you know this is not going anywhere, you have to let them know elsewise you are just leading them on.

 

Could be friends:

Tricky this one – you have to sound out the waters and see whether they are feeling the same. If they come across as harbouring stronger feelings for you, better to step away. They will agree to be friends assuming it could lead to something more and unless you think that is a possibility, there is nothing but heartache down that road. On the other hand, they could feel the same. Having had a great time, but no romantic feelings towards you they will likely be more than happy to put the whole thing down to an amusing anecdote you can tell at your next party and be friends. Lastly, they may be the ones stepping away from you. Don’t take it personally, see it as an opportunity to log back onto Free and Single and find someone better suited to date!

 

Second chance:

If you are unsure about the date and think that possibly you just had a bad time because you had a long day at work, you were really nervous,  your shoes were killing your feet, or the restaurant messed up your reservations and order, consider organising a second date. If it was a truly terrible date, they may not agree to a second and you don’t have to worry about it anymore. A second date though, in a different place, maybe at a different time of day could have you significantly more relaxed and open to meeting a new person. Even if the second date goes the same way as the first, at least you know you tried and can move on to looking through more Free and Singles for your next first date!

Have you found Love with Free and Single?

Here at FreeAndSingle, we love a good success story. We love them so much, we wanted to take the time to share a few of them with you, in the hopes of boosting your motivation and letting you know that love can happen, wherever, whenever (I know, cheesy song lyric alert).

 

 

So when we heard about this romance from MatureFreeAndSingle we just had to share Howard and Wendy’s story:

 

 

‘Both Wendy and I had joined the dating site last year to hopefully meet someone to share another relationship with.
Wendy and I both were both divorced last year and felt it was the right time to move on.
We both found each other through the adverts on the site and at first I saw Wendy and thought what a wonderful profile she had and a “cheeky smile and looks to match”.

 

I made contact and asked if Wendy would like to chat, in which Wendy replied yes. After a few brief exchanges through the chat side of the site, both Wendy and I agreed to swap numbers and started chatting on the phone. We both lived locally and made arrangements to meet for afternoon coffee and lunch.
The first date went really well and we both got on really well with each other, I already had a good feeling about Wendy, which I think people on the site call “chemistry”!
We met again and things were really good, it was near Valentine’s Day and both Wendy and I exchanged cards with some really romantic verses.
We have now been together for 2 months and have had lovely days out, walking on the beach in the snow at Filey to having our very first romantic weekend away.
We are now an item and are looking forward to our future together with holidays planned and more romantic times to come.
I can sum up by saying to anyone out there on the FreeAndSingle site that in my profile it said;

 

 

“you have to pull the weeds out the garden first to see the true flower that you like”

 

 

That is what I did, Wendy is the sweetest flower I have ever seen. You must wait for the right person and if you wait you will find your flower.
Good luck to everyone out there, you will find your soul mate as long as you are prepared to wait and not go for second best.’

 

 

 

Dinner a deux is a classic date option and great for good conversation and some old fashioned romance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been a while since you eyed up each other’s profile pictures and dissected every last titbit of information with your friends. You have exchanged messages, bantered, swapped email addresses. You might have even upgraded communication to phone numbers so you can have a bit a live chat and see whether that lighting quick wit sticks around when you are in real time or if it does the dirty and deserts you in your time of need. Whatever the build-up, the time has come for the first date. You’ve decided to take it easy and head out for the classic dinner and movie to keep things simple (and to save some cash while you work out if they are worth splashing out on in future).

 

So, much in the way that classically trained wait staff will perfectly pair your wine to your meal, I’m going to have a go at pairing your movie to your dinner! I also want to reverse the traditional order here – I have never understood why you would go to dinner, then a movie – surely doing things the other way around ensures that you always have the movie to talk about if conversation dries up during dinner? Ensure you go for a movie, then dinner!

 

Hunger Games + Pub

Now, this film shouldn’t really boost your appetite. However, it will make you want to discuss everything from the realism, the concept, closeness to the book and lastly – what would you do in Katniss’ position? Thus, great British pub food will recall the fare of the film such as hot soups, lamb stew and fresh baked bread. The friendly environs of the pub will give you leave to freely discuss the film’s story and you can chill out into thoughtful musings in front of the log fire with a cool pint or glass of wine to wind the evening up. Perfect not only for our Young Free and Singles, but for Free and Single Parents whose kids might have been nattering on about the book.

 

Battleship + Burgers

Action thriller complete with alien life forms can only be fully appreciated with the addition of a good, all-American burger and sides. Head out after work, pick your favourite burger joint, or even a trendy street cart if you fancy a walk ‘n’ talk ‘n’ eat moment with your date. (Heads up – ladies are not generally fans of this). Feel free to set a comfort boundary by dismissing concerns of eating with your hands and always order enough chips that she can have some off your plate without causing massive trauma.

 

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel + Indian

Heart-warming life stories go with a curry hand in hand. I don’t know why, they just do. Get yourself and your date to your favourite curry house and enjoy a sit down meal with all your favourite dishes while you talk over the film. Top marks if you can find a restaurant that has large floor cushions and candles for a lounge-about, romantic atmosphere where you can chill out with a bottle of Cobra while discussing the characters in the film.