dating

Shake in your boots time.  You’ve been dating this really nice guy or gal, you’re really enjoying your time together, things are developing nicely…but you feel the need to consolidate, reassure yourself that they are feeling what you are feeling, that you are exclusive to each other.

Bandying the words ‘relationship’ and ‘commitment’ around are traditional no-nos, surefire ways to derail your burgeoning love. So if you have to know, there are a few things you should think about before launching into the discussion.

 

1. Is it too early to be defining your relationship?

How long have you been dating? If you just answered ‘We’ve been out together once or twice’, then maybe rethink the relationship question for another time.  If you have been seeing each other regularly for a month or more, then maybe the question is more appropriate.

 

2. Don’t be scared to ask but why not just see how it develops?

If you have decided you need to know and you would prefer to know sooner rather than later, then the only way to find out the answer is to ask, straight out. None of these ‘Is He Into Me?’ or ‘How Do I Know if She Feels the Same?’ articles will be able to tell you, 100% whether his excess blinking in your presence directly correlates to his desire for you to be his one and only. Seriously, none of them.

Of course, you could just content yourself with the fact you enjoy each other’s company and that as you get closer the question will arise and be answered naturally, in a less pressurised manner.

 

3. If You Do Ask, Make Sure its Face-to-Face

If you are going ahead with it, broach the idea face-to-face. Don’t be that person who hides behind a text message, an email, an awkward silence on the phone or even a handwritten note – the best way in this situation is someplace you feel comfy together and without an audience of friends or family getting involved.

 

4. Can You Deal with the Answer?

One last thing. Before you start the conversation, think about the outcome.

If they say yes, you have an unwritten agreement in place that specifies that you are exclusively in a relationship with this person. You would no longer be single, with all its benefits. Someone will want to know about you, where you are, what you are doing – they will expect a level of commitment from you towards them that you have to be ready to give before you demand they do the same for you.

If they say no, well, where does that leave you? You could have just asked the question too early on, or they may just be treating your dates as a bit of fun, an opportunity to get out and about and be social with someone new. Either way, you have to then deal with the fact that you were ready to take things to the next level with this person only to be rejected. Do you stick together, or do you finish with them?

 

I’d love to hear your take on this tricky situation – chat to me @freeandsingle or join our Facebook Page

 

‘I’ve tried everything to get a date and nothing is working!’

Sometimes the whole search for a soul mate can get a bit on top of you, a tad wearying, a little ‘its-never-going-to-happen-so-why-bother’.

 

The thing is, while a lot of us feel like finding that special someone is a task with top priority it can pay dividends to your health and happiness to just r-e-l-a-x. Take it easy. Don’t push so hard. Short term, you are unlikely to find someone to share in your happily ever after if you are rushing around town attending a speed dating event every week, signing up to every dating site you come across and putting out an ad in the local lonely hearts column.

 

Apart from anything else, you’ll be too distracted and exhausted to even notice when a potential someone does pay you some attention. If you do notice, you’ll put so much pressure on the date succeeding that it will crash and burn before it even started. So chill out.

 

Here’s the thing…

 

Do you remember that saying, usually bandied about by annoying people already snugly in a relationship? You know, ‘Love will find you when you’re not looking.’

 

To some extent, this is true, but you need to add some context to the saying in order to make it work successfully. You know it doesn’t work if you take it literally and lock yourself in your house, waiting for Love to discover you and make all your dreams come true.

 

The key is to be open to dating, the concept of starting a relationship. Having arrived at that conclusion, put a few goals in place and then go about your daily life!

 

Goals? But you just said to take it easy!

 

Calm down! When I say goals, I’m using the term as a loose action plan to keep you motivated, not a structured homework plan. I suggest that, having decided you want to date, you;

  • Put some time into you. Get a haircut, try a few new outfits, learn how to cook a new dish…invest some time into boosting your confidence and self-esteem so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready for it.
  • Sign up to Free and Single and build your online dating profile to best reflect who you are and what you want.
  • Organise something you like to do to look forward to and give you something else to focus on, besides checking for new messages – why not try a girls night out every Friday, a men’s poker night, a trip out of town with some mates or a spa break just for you?
  • Read up on how to stay safe when online dating.

Let me know how your dating adventure goes @freeandsingle! I always love to hear about Free and Single members successes (or dating disasters!)

 

Click here if you’d like some more tips on finding ‘The One’

 

Phew.

You made it through the big First Date. You survived the awkward ‘how-to-end-this date’ problem and you still wanted more afterward. You know you want to see this person again, so now you have to do the second date.

 

The second date is often thought of as the make or break date where you decide, once and for all, that this is a person you want to pursue or a person you want to relegate to the friends/acquaintance/other categories.

 

This is your chance to rectify any nervous first impressions with a great second impression. This is an opportunity to find out more about your date, see what they are interested in and discover if they were really being themselves on that first date – you can’t keep an act up for long!

 

Here are Free and Single’s Top 5 Tips for making the second date work for you;

 

1. Make your Second Date Completely Different from your First

If you opted for a dinner and movie combo on your first date, try and get out and about on your second. By breaking away from the usual date scenario, you’ll each be able to act more normally with less pressure on the outcome of the date. It will give you new ground to explore about each other as well – try going for a picnic, ice-skating or for a walk around a zoo.

 

2. If You Organised the First Date, Let Your Date Organise the Second

They got to see your First Date plans in person and that gave them some clues about your character that they clearly liked because they are back for more! However, mix things up and let the other person organise the second date to get a feel for what they think makes a great date and to learn more about them.

 

3. Don’t Play by any Archaic ‘Rules’ – You’ll Just Confuse Each Other

‘The Rules’. We’ve all heard of them, we’ve all bemoaned their stupidity or praised their effectiveness. But at one time or another, we have all sworn not to be the person who plays by those rules any longer. Well, now is the time! If you really, really like someone, waiting three days to call them back isn’t going to win you favours – its just going to give them time to meet someone else and decide you’re not worth the wait.

 

4. Have Open and Honest Lines of Communication from the Beginning

I know – no-one wants to be the person planning their marriage after the first date. However, you are much more likely to have a healthy, happy relationship with someone if you communicate together clearly and honestly. The moment lies, untruths or fibs get involved, things can only ever end one way. Messy. It’s a good rule to have in all your relationships, not just the romantic ones. So if you let a little white lie slip during the First Date (‘I LOVE baseball!) think about correcting yourself during the second date before you find yourself, 3 years down the line saying ‘I Do’ on the pitchers diamond.

 

5. Make an Effort, Just Like You Did for Your First Date

There is no point showing up to your First Date decked out like a glamazon if you’re going to show up to your second in your PJ’s (unless you are attending an oh-so-fashionable pajama party together, of course). Continue to make an effort with your appearance because it feels good to do so and because it shows you respect yourself. Self-esteem is a great aspect of a person and one that potential relationships need in order to survive. So find out what you’ll be doing and dress appropriately.

 

Who has a second date lined up in January? Tell us all about it in the comments, or Tweet us @freeandsingle

 

Looking forward to 2013 inevitably encourages us to look back over the last year and put our actions (or lack of) into sharp perspective. ‘What ifs?’, ‘Why didn’t I’s?’ and ‘I should have’s’ litter our thoughts.

Sure, it is easy enough to say we’ll do it all differently in 2013 – that this is the year we will work-out instead of sitting on the couch watching Homeland, this is the time for us to buy a house, go on dazzling holidays, impress the boss, find a love…

How about then, instead of just saying we will do these things, instead of just meaning to but never quite getting round to doing them, how about we try not to force grand outcomes but to work towards them as part of our everyday lives?

Looking for Love

We all look for love, one way or another. The search for someone to support us, cherish us, laugh with us and adore us is one that many people embark on every year. Often, as the result of a resolution not to be the only single one at a friend’s wedding or to be able to return home on a blustery, cold winter day to the waiting arms of someone who actually cares, instead of just re-runs of Friends.

However, these things tend not to just happen. In order for them to occur, you have to go out into the world instead of hiding away and you have to live your life and embrace opportunities. Otherwise, you will never move beyond your immediate circle of friends and family and there is no-one you want to date there (unless there is, in which case, NYE is the time to admit it. Then if all goes badly you can brush it off as end-of-year sentimentality and move on accordingly).

So make a promise to yourself this coming New Year. Instead of making a resolution you know you won’t keep past February, plan a goal that you want to see happen. Then plan lots of small steps on how you plan to make it happen. Schedule the step sin your diary and tick them off, one by one as you achieve them. Don’t be scared to give yourself a treat when you do either – bribery is an excellent way of convincing yourself to do something scary.

To achieve a goal of meeting someone special, here are some steps I’m a fan of;

  • Getting a new, flattering haircut and tips from the stylist on how to do it myself.
  • Planning a new experience once a month with friends – a day at a rifle range, a go-ape adventure, a wine-tasting tour, an evening in watching a foreign indie movie…
  • Smiling at people when I pass them in the street.
  • Popping to the pub once a week and spending some time at the bar talking to people. (Try a compliment or ask for a recommendation as an opening gambit).
  • Asking friends if they know anyone they think I might like and getting them to set us up.

 

Have a great New Year’s Eve and we’ll see you back for more online dating tips and advice in 2013!

 

Merry Christmas from Free and Single!

 

How is everyone’s day going so far? Hopefully you got a lie-in, some snow and are about to tuck in to a tasty festive breakfast.

 

Here are our Five Festive Top Tips for Sharing Christmas for the First Time:

 

1. Share your Christmas traditions. You can incorporate each others usual Christmas day routine while adding some new twists to be shared just between the two of you. Try some new side dishes along with your main meal or spend half the day in your PJs and half in your fancy clothes.

 

2. If you are spending the day with your partner’s family, make sure you pre-schedule some alone time to get your bearings and relax a little in between the rounds of conversational gambits and questioning.

 

3. Take a time out to phone your family or friends to swap greetings in the morning while you each get ready for the big day, to prevent you from feeling like you left a usual activity unfulfilled.

 

4. If you have any dietary requirements or major menu traditions that differ slightly from the traditional, make sure you have back-up options in place to avoid dismayed looks when your partner announces to your mother ‘Sorry, I don’t eat turkey. I’m a vegetarian.’

 

5. If you don’t actually celebrate Christmas, but your new partner does, decide how you feel about being involved and feel free to join in the non-religious aspects of the day and discuss them doing the same for your special festival days.

 

Here’s to a great day, lots of food and some fun times.

Have a good one everyone.

Enjoy the sunset together as a survivors of the end of the world!

The End is Nigh!

 

As many of us are by now aware, the World is supposedly set to end tomorrow.

 

This is according to a reading of a Mayan calendar (one of several interpretations) and has got 1 in 10 UK adults in a bit of a tizzy. The rate is even higher in the USA, where a growing number of ‘survivalists’ have started preparing for the inevitable end of mankind as we know it. In Australia, I’m pretty sure most people are just chilling out on the beach with a stubby.

 

Various theories have been put forward for the way the world will cease to be, Google’s top 4 options are these;

1. Nuclear Fry-Up

2. Economic Meltdown

3. Alien Invasion

4. Zombie Attack

Great dates for the end of the world!

 

Of course, if the world does end tomorrow (just in case and all that), you want to go down knowing that you spent your last day on earth having a great time. In fact, not just a great time, but a fantastic time.

 

Suggestions for a little pre-apocalyptic good time;

 

  • Forget feeling nervous or getting rejected – those are emotions people with long-term prospects worry about! Get out there right now and ask someone out. You never know how great the next 24hrs could be.
  • Certain that blondes have more fun? Head to the hairdressers and bleach your hair! Maybe you fancy some black but your mother always said you could never pull it off. Maybe you want to try the pastel hair colour trend but your job dress code always made that dream a no-no. Do. It. Now.
  • Tonight is the night for the best date ever – head out of work, check into a salon and glam yourself up, no expense spared. Buy new clothes, try every cocktail in the bar and sample the full tasting menu at an exclusive restaurant. Spend the early hours dancing, hot tubbing on a balcony and buying plane tickets to Pacific Islands. No worries about it being a school-night either.
  • Feeling certain that the world is going down? Open all your Christmas presents now – after all, people put thought and consideration into those and you want to play with your booty before it goes up in flames.
  • Stop winking and start talking – send out an introductory note to everyone you like on Free and Single. You never know, the devil-may-care attitude may just result in connections made people you would never have had the courage to message before. If the world doesn’t end? You will be so glad you pressed ‘send’.

perfect dates for the end of the world online dating ideas

 

secret santa gifts for couples, daters and crushes

Here are Six Great Secret Santa gifts to give to a crush, a date or as a stocking filler for your partner;

1. Try a Pedometer for Fit Free and Single‘s as they love new gadgets and gizmos to help out their sporting hobbies.

2. A Hot Rocks Gift Set for Professional Free and Single‘s should help them unwind after a busy day.

3. What about a Micro Remote Control Helicoptor for anyone who still feels like a kid at Christmas?

4. How about Chickens for Young Free and Single‘s who want to change the world?

5. We like Love Lottery Scratch Cards for couples in a relationship…

6. Try this Black Hipflask and a bottle of their favourite tipple for Mature Free and Single‘s.

Dating couple kissing in the snow at Christmas

And Three Secret Santa gifts you should avoid giving to your date;

 

1. Loo Roll

Who wants to associate their date with the toilet?

 

2. Pocket Sex Guide

Something that should only ever be bought by a couple, for fun.

 

3. Chocolate Reindeer

Doesn’t show much thought went into the gift, now, does it?

 

Do you have a ‘type’? Do you constantly fantasise about tall, dark, handsome motorbike riders? Or maybe voluptuous, raven-haired hairdresser’s do it for you every time?

 

Well, I have to tell you something. Having a ‘type’ of person that you constantly date is kind of daft. Not only are you seriously limiting your pool of choices, but if you are still looking for dates, well, clearly your ‘type’ is not working out so well in the long term.

 

 

 

Be Broad Minded in your Search for a Date

While a certain degree of pickiness about who you spend time with can be a good thing – for instance, don’t give your number to the sexy cat burglar or the dude smoking weed at 11am on a Tuesday morning – being overly choosy about who you deign to spend time with will mark you out as unapproachable and snobbish. Not to mention kind of boring.

 

Dating should be about pushing your boundaries, meeting different people, finding out and experiencing new things you probably would never have tried on your own. If you date the same ‘type’ every time you leave the house, chances are you’ll be spending a lot of time repeating yourself.

 

Michelle, 31, from London, UK says;

My date picked me up at 7pm and took me to the restaurant. I had been to the same place twice before…also on dates. I got to thinking – all three dates were about 6’1, dark hair, up-and-coming accountants – clearly, I had a ‘type’ and that ‘type’ was just as clearly not working for me.’

find love with free and single internet dating

Try Looking at Other People Without your ‘Type’ Glasses On

Try expanding your horizons. Just because you don’t instantly feel a pull towards checking out any more of a Free and Single member’s profile because they don’t fit your pre-programmed ‘Must have curly hair’ mentality doesn’t mean that you may actually connect on a deeper level. After all, while we all are guilty of it, judging someone on their appearance is superficial. Your life partner may have poker straight hair but find all your jokes hilarious. Who knows?

 

Brody, 40, from Sydney, Australia says;

I first saw Mai’s profile and ruled her out. She was a gorgeous Asian women, with long black hair, almond shaped eyes and a killer smile. However, I had always dated blondes before and I was convinced that I was meant to end up with a blonde haired, blue eyed lady. A friend told me to grow-up, so I took a chance and winked at Mai. Not only does she love BBQ and snowboarding, she is the exact height for me to put my arm around her shoulders. We’ve been together for about 4 months now. I’m so glad I took the chance.’

 

So give it go. After all, variety is the spice of life! Even if you eventually end up with the exact ‘type’ who you always thought you would, it is after all possible that the experiences you had getting to that relationship – and the people you shared them with – that make you who you are and who your ultimate partner finds attractive about you in the first place.

 

Cheer your date up and make the evening special with an unexpected gift. Whether you have only just met, have been together since the summer, or have been dating a little longer, we have the perfect gift suggestion for you!

 

If they are a parent, don’t get something for their kid – they are more than likely already spending all their spare cash on their progeny. Get something thoughtful that treats them and reminds them they are a person outside of their child’s life, like an afternoon to a spa with money for the babysitter thrown in or tickets to a movie not involving animated characters.

 

If you have only just met on Free and Single – or if this is your first date – then now is the time to add some extra wow factor by gifting them with something that will not only appeal to their character (scope out the profile!) but also shows off your sense of fun. Dump the cliche bunch of flowers and go for a bouquet of wrapped flannels before heading off to a dirt-bike track.

 

If they are young, don’t assume that they’ll be into the latest gadget or fashion fad. Feel free to dig a little deeper and look for a present that will help them progress with their dreams – from a simple personalized notebook to write in to a workshop learning to make your own shoes.

 

If you have been together for a little while longer, why not try surprising them from your usual routine with the gift of home made ice cream sundaes? Turn up with a hamper full of choice ingredients such as their favourite flavours of ice cream, some chocolate brownies or cake, some sauces, fruit, whipped cream…all the best things. Then get creating!

 

If they are on the mature side, don’t instantly presume coffee table books and twinsets. Go for gold with something that appeals to their personality, not their age bracket. Try a beginners lesson in cordon bleu cookery or a track day in a fast car to get their pulses racing.

 

I have no idea where the idea of chat-lines came from.

 

What is more, I have no idea why they persist. The best way to introduce yourself to someone is with a smile and a

‘Hi, I’m Betty. How are you?’

(Unless of course you are very obviously not a Betty). This ‘technique’ works face-to-face as well as in a message to someone you like the look of on Free and Single because it opens up a line of communication, as opposed to a line of humiliation.

 

Remember: Open questions lead to conversation. Crazy lines lead to a drink in the face and no friends.

 

However, for those few try-hard individuals who have attempted to charm their conversational partner with a distinct one-liner…the following is to show you what you must not, ever, use. Seriously, never.

 

10 Terrible Chat Up Lines to Avoid Like the Plague

  1. ‘Hi there, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you.’
  2. ‘You must be tired because you have been running through my head all night.’
  3. ‘When they made the alphabet they should have put U and I together.’
  4. ‘I said, did you break that hip when you fell from heaven, dear?’
  5. ‘Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?’
  6. ‘How many camels can I buy you for?’
  7. ‘Kiss me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Gorgeous?’
  8. ‘I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.’
  9. ‘Keep it quiet – but I am completely and utterly naked under these clothes.’
  10. ‘Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.’

 

Do the world a favour people – introduce yourself, start a conversation. The only chat-up line I’m putting out there as permissable? (Follow up with the ‘Hi, how do you do…’);

 

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!