date

Here we go;

 

Its that time of the year again. No sooner are we done with the holidays than the pinkest, soppiest, biggest card selling celebration of the year swings round again.

 

Do I sound like I dislike Valentine’s Day? A day that essentially, in name alone if no longer in action, celebrates the martyrdom of a saint and the romantic rambling of Chaucer?

 

Well, I have to be honest with you – I’m not  a fan. But you had guessed that already. What I am a fan of, is showing people you care.

 

The system of rules and requirements currently in place in many people’s mind on how to react to a date or a loved one (‘Wait three days before you text him back!’, ‘Never be free on short notice!’) seem to me to be specifically designed with one purpose in mind: to never allow two people the time or energy to actually fall for each other hook, line and sinker.

 

I say, this Valentine’s Day, drop the rulebook! Kick it out of the window for all I care and start saying what you mean, when you mean it.

 

If you have been making eyes at the girl who catches your bus every morning for months, but never even sat next to her – start sitting with her, chatting, smiling if nothing else.

 

If you’re with someone you don’t see yourself staying with long term, dump them. Sounds harsh, but you both need to move on with your lives. (No excuse to not do it nicely though, and face-to-face).

 

If you are hoping against hope that you will meet someone before Valentine’s Day and go on a romantic date – then make it happen! Don’t wait around for fate to pick someone off the street and deliver them wrapped in a bow to your doorstop – join Free and Single and start taking control of your life again.

 

You can make it happen – sign up now and see who you meet. Have a great Valentine’s Day everyone! 🙂

Free and Single Online Dating helps you find the one!

Having signed-up to an online dating website, you must have some idea of exactly why you want to date. If, in thinking about it now, you suddenly realise that your aims for a relationship are somewhat vague, then take some time now to think through what you really want – it will really help you find success on Free and Single.

 

 

 

 

To help you along the way, we’ve come up with a few questions to ask yourself – go ahead and be a little introspective!

 

1. Do you want a partner because it seems like all your friends are paired up?

 

2. Are you looking for casual dates or are you searching for that special someone?

 

3.  If you met someone who seemed perfect for you in the next ten minutes, would you play coy or go for it?

 

4. Are you prepared to compromise on the life you have built up as a single person?

 

5. Are you ready for the change that another person in your life would bring?

 

6.  Are you dating because its what you are used to – should you consider some time out to just be you?

 

online dating to find love

 

Having decided your reasons for starting to date again and signing up for Free and Single’s internet dating service, you should make sure you fill out your profile to the best of your ability (include lots of your personality!) and put a great, recent photo of yourself up.

 

Free and Single internet dating for everyone

Shake in your boots time.  You’ve been dating this really nice guy or gal, you’re really enjoying your time together, things are developing nicely…but you feel the need to consolidate, reassure yourself that they are feeling what you are feeling, that you are exclusive to each other.

Bandying the words ‘relationship’ and ‘commitment’ around are traditional no-nos, surefire ways to derail your burgeoning love. So if you have to know, there are a few things you should think about before launching into the discussion.

 

1. Is it too early to be defining your relationship?

How long have you been dating? If you just answered ‘We’ve been out together once or twice’, then maybe rethink the relationship question for another time.  If you have been seeing each other regularly for a month or more, then maybe the question is more appropriate.

 

2. Don’t be scared to ask but why not just see how it develops?

If you have decided you need to know and you would prefer to know sooner rather than later, then the only way to find out the answer is to ask, straight out. None of these ‘Is He Into Me?’ or ‘How Do I Know if She Feels the Same?’ articles will be able to tell you, 100% whether his excess blinking in your presence directly correlates to his desire for you to be his one and only. Seriously, none of them.

Of course, you could just content yourself with the fact you enjoy each other’s company and that as you get closer the question will arise and be answered naturally, in a less pressurised manner.

 

3. If You Do Ask, Make Sure its Face-to-Face

If you are going ahead with it, broach the idea face-to-face. Don’t be that person who hides behind a text message, an email, an awkward silence on the phone or even a handwritten note – the best way in this situation is someplace you feel comfy together and without an audience of friends or family getting involved.

 

4. Can You Deal with the Answer?

One last thing. Before you start the conversation, think about the outcome.

If they say yes, you have an unwritten agreement in place that specifies that you are exclusively in a relationship with this person. You would no longer be single, with all its benefits. Someone will want to know about you, where you are, what you are doing – they will expect a level of commitment from you towards them that you have to be ready to give before you demand they do the same for you.

If they say no, well, where does that leave you? You could have just asked the question too early on, or they may just be treating your dates as a bit of fun, an opportunity to get out and about and be social with someone new. Either way, you have to then deal with the fact that you were ready to take things to the next level with this person only to be rejected. Do you stick together, or do you finish with them?

 

I’d love to hear your take on this tricky situation – chat to me @freeandsingle or join our Facebook Page

 

‘I’ve tried everything to get a date and nothing is working!’

Sometimes the whole search for a soul mate can get a bit on top of you, a tad wearying, a little ‘its-never-going-to-happen-so-why-bother’.

 

The thing is, while a lot of us feel like finding that special someone is a task with top priority it can pay dividends to your health and happiness to just r-e-l-a-x. Take it easy. Don’t push so hard. Short term, you are unlikely to find someone to share in your happily ever after if you are rushing around town attending a speed dating event every week, signing up to every dating site you come across and putting out an ad in the local lonely hearts column.

 

Apart from anything else, you’ll be too distracted and exhausted to even notice when a potential someone does pay you some attention. If you do notice, you’ll put so much pressure on the date succeeding that it will crash and burn before it even started. So chill out.

 

Here’s the thing…

 

Do you remember that saying, usually bandied about by annoying people already snugly in a relationship? You know, ‘Love will find you when you’re not looking.’

 

To some extent, this is true, but you need to add some context to the saying in order to make it work successfully. You know it doesn’t work if you take it literally and lock yourself in your house, waiting for Love to discover you and make all your dreams come true.

 

The key is to be open to dating, the concept of starting a relationship. Having arrived at that conclusion, put a few goals in place and then go about your daily life!

 

Goals? But you just said to take it easy!

 

Calm down! When I say goals, I’m using the term as a loose action plan to keep you motivated, not a structured homework plan. I suggest that, having decided you want to date, you;

  • Put some time into you. Get a haircut, try a few new outfits, learn how to cook a new dish…invest some time into boosting your confidence and self-esteem so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready for it.
  • Sign up to Free and Single and build your online dating profile to best reflect who you are and what you want.
  • Organise something you like to do to look forward to and give you something else to focus on, besides checking for new messages – why not try a girls night out every Friday, a men’s poker night, a trip out of town with some mates or a spa break just for you?
  • Read up on how to stay safe when online dating.

Let me know how your dating adventure goes @freeandsingle! I always love to hear about Free and Single members successes (or dating disasters!)

 

Click here if you’d like some more tips on finding ‘The One’

 

Looking forward to 2013 inevitably encourages us to look back over the last year and put our actions (or lack of) into sharp perspective. ‘What ifs?’, ‘Why didn’t I’s?’ and ‘I should have’s’ litter our thoughts.

Sure, it is easy enough to say we’ll do it all differently in 2013 – that this is the year we will work-out instead of sitting on the couch watching Homeland, this is the time for us to buy a house, go on dazzling holidays, impress the boss, find a love…

How about then, instead of just saying we will do these things, instead of just meaning to but never quite getting round to doing them, how about we try not to force grand outcomes but to work towards them as part of our everyday lives?

Looking for Love

We all look for love, one way or another. The search for someone to support us, cherish us, laugh with us and adore us is one that many people embark on every year. Often, as the result of a resolution not to be the only single one at a friend’s wedding or to be able to return home on a blustery, cold winter day to the waiting arms of someone who actually cares, instead of just re-runs of Friends.

However, these things tend not to just happen. In order for them to occur, you have to go out into the world instead of hiding away and you have to live your life and embrace opportunities. Otherwise, you will never move beyond your immediate circle of friends and family and there is no-one you want to date there (unless there is, in which case, NYE is the time to admit it. Then if all goes badly you can brush it off as end-of-year sentimentality and move on accordingly).

So make a promise to yourself this coming New Year. Instead of making a resolution you know you won’t keep past February, plan a goal that you want to see happen. Then plan lots of small steps on how you plan to make it happen. Schedule the step sin your diary and tick them off, one by one as you achieve them. Don’t be scared to give yourself a treat when you do either – bribery is an excellent way of convincing yourself to do something scary.

To achieve a goal of meeting someone special, here are some steps I’m a fan of;

  • Getting a new, flattering haircut and tips from the stylist on how to do it myself.
  • Planning a new experience once a month with friends – a day at a rifle range, a go-ape adventure, a wine-tasting tour, an evening in watching a foreign indie movie…
  • Smiling at people when I pass them in the street.
  • Popping to the pub once a week and spending some time at the bar talking to people. (Try a compliment or ask for a recommendation as an opening gambit).
  • Asking friends if they know anyone they think I might like and getting them to set us up.

 

Have a great New Year’s Eve and we’ll see you back for more online dating tips and advice in 2013!

 

secret santa gifts for couples, daters and crushes

Here are Six Great Secret Santa gifts to give to a crush, a date or as a stocking filler for your partner;

1. Try a Pedometer for Fit Free and Single‘s as they love new gadgets and gizmos to help out their sporting hobbies.

2. A Hot Rocks Gift Set for Professional Free and Single‘s should help them unwind after a busy day.

3. What about a Micro Remote Control Helicoptor for anyone who still feels like a kid at Christmas?

4. How about Chickens for Young Free and Single‘s who want to change the world?

5. We like Love Lottery Scratch Cards for couples in a relationship…

6. Try this Black Hipflask and a bottle of their favourite tipple for Mature Free and Single‘s.

Dating couple kissing in the snow at Christmas

And Three Secret Santa gifts you should avoid giving to your date;

 

1. Loo Roll

Who wants to associate their date with the toilet?

 

2. Pocket Sex Guide

Something that should only ever be bought by a couple, for fun.

 

3. Chocolate Reindeer

Doesn’t show much thought went into the gift, now, does it?

 

Go On An…

After Hours Supermarket Sweep Expedition

As a new couple, you’ll probably find yourself up at all hours talking and finding out out about each other. Put that time to good use and set yourself a task: to go bargain hunting at some mad time in the morning (I suggest about 2am) at a 24hr supermarket. Relish the empty aisles, check out what each other puts in their trolley, dance to the night shift’s music and snaffle a fresh, still-hot-from-the-oven baked good for an early pre-breakfast snack. Sounds weird, but honestly? This is fun.

 

Go On An…

Indoor Igloo Build and Movie Adventure

If its raining cats and dogs outside, grab some blankets and as many cushions as you can find and build a tent/fort/igloo in front of the TV. Once you are all warm and snuggly and construction is complete, pop on a movie and curl up with your home made popcorn and drinks to watch it. Childish games are a great way to let down barriers and break the ice, helping you to really get to know each other and enjoy each other’s sense of fun.

 

Go On A…

Bake-Off Style Mission

If you found yourself glued to this year’s Great British Bake-Off then you need to get your date into a kitchen, stat. Challenge each other to make something from a baking recipe book and set-to with a will. Baking can be stressful, so you’ll get a good idea of how your prospective partner handles hard work. You’ll also get a glimpse into their childhood, as everyone has a baking story from when they were little. Not to mention, when all is done you have two delicious cakes to sample and judge.

 

Go On A…

Walk through the Wintry Weather Exploration

Wrap up warm for this one. Hold hands as you wander through the rainy countryside, or head out on a snowy day and enjoy a snowball fight. Your pink cheeks will make you both more attractive to the other and the fresh air will stimulate an appetite for a tasty lunch. This date only gets better if you have a dog or can borrow one for a walk. Remember to take a ball or find a stick and prepare to be entertained by the dog’s antics – especially useful if you are shy and need a catalyst to get you talking.

 

Go On An…

Explore a New Town Escapade

Can you say you know you county as well as your home town? There are attractions and interesting places everywhere, but we often overlook those close to our homes. Try taking a day trip to a nearby town you have never been to before and explore it together. You’ll find any historic attractions, galleries or museums (even if the museum only holds a rusty spoon!) are usually free and you can treat yourselves to a coffee at a hole-in-the-wall cafe (no chains!)

 

Do you have a ‘type’? Do you constantly fantasise about tall, dark, handsome motorbike riders? Or maybe voluptuous, raven-haired hairdresser’s do it for you every time?

 

Well, I have to tell you something. Having a ‘type’ of person that you constantly date is kind of daft. Not only are you seriously limiting your pool of choices, but if you are still looking for dates, well, clearly your ‘type’ is not working out so well in the long term.

 

 

 

Be Broad Minded in your Search for a Date

While a certain degree of pickiness about who you spend time with can be a good thing – for instance, don’t give your number to the sexy cat burglar or the dude smoking weed at 11am on a Tuesday morning – being overly choosy about who you deign to spend time with will mark you out as unapproachable and snobbish. Not to mention kind of boring.

 

Dating should be about pushing your boundaries, meeting different people, finding out and experiencing new things you probably would never have tried on your own. If you date the same ‘type’ every time you leave the house, chances are you’ll be spending a lot of time repeating yourself.

 

Michelle, 31, from London, UK says;

My date picked me up at 7pm and took me to the restaurant. I had been to the same place twice before…also on dates. I got to thinking – all three dates were about 6’1, dark hair, up-and-coming accountants – clearly, I had a ‘type’ and that ‘type’ was just as clearly not working for me.’

find love with free and single internet dating

Try Looking at Other People Without your ‘Type’ Glasses On

Try expanding your horizons. Just because you don’t instantly feel a pull towards checking out any more of a Free and Single member’s profile because they don’t fit your pre-programmed ‘Must have curly hair’ mentality doesn’t mean that you may actually connect on a deeper level. After all, while we all are guilty of it, judging someone on their appearance is superficial. Your life partner may have poker straight hair but find all your jokes hilarious. Who knows?

 

Brody, 40, from Sydney, Australia says;

I first saw Mai’s profile and ruled her out. She was a gorgeous Asian women, with long black hair, almond shaped eyes and a killer smile. However, I had always dated blondes before and I was convinced that I was meant to end up with a blonde haired, blue eyed lady. A friend told me to grow-up, so I took a chance and winked at Mai. Not only does she love BBQ and snowboarding, she is the exact height for me to put my arm around her shoulders. We’ve been together for about 4 months now. I’m so glad I took the chance.’

 

So give it go. After all, variety is the spice of life! Even if you eventually end up with the exact ‘type’ who you always thought you would, it is after all possible that the experiences you had getting to that relationship – and the people you shared them with – that make you who you are and who your ultimate partner finds attractive about you in the first place.

 

You wouldn’t let someone else choose your house, your car or your clothes…why would you let other people dictate to you when and where you can choose your dates? Sure, the odd blind date here and there is opening up your pool of potential dates, but there is no need to completely depend on other people to set you up.

 

You Can Do It All Yourself

  • You are perfectly capable of making things happen. If you are stuck in a rut, or bored of your routine, it can be so much simpler than you think to break free and make something new and exciting happen.
  • Know that, even if you feel a little apprehensive about the idea right now, self-esteem and confidence are issues you can work on bit by bit, until you are 100% ready to face the dating world again.
  • Leave memos around the house, on your phone or computer or on your desk to remind yourself of everything you want to achieve and everything you are good at – you’ll soon be well on the way to feeling good about yourself and ready to embrace the idea of dating.

Don't wait for Fate to make you a date! Join Free and Single to find Love!

You wouldn’t sit back and wait for fate to deliver the ideal partner tied up in bows on a silver plate…would you? You have to be active, you have to know what you want and then put yourself in the most likely position to get it.

 

Put Yourself Out There!

  • Try joining a new club in a subject you are interested in – the likelihood is that you will meet people there who share your interest. If you feel a spark, go for it and ask them out! If not, no worries, you’ve probably gained some new friends.
  • Push your boundaries every day. Start small, by trying out a different coffee shop or sandwich place from usual. Move on to bigger things; like going to a movie alone, trying out a new hairstyle or lipstick, agreeing to a blind date.
  • Make a pact with yourself to go out from your home at least three times a week. You can pop to the library to check your emails, hang out in a local cafe to read, or just go for a walk and give yourself some quiet time to just think about things.

 

Don’t wait for the world to give you a chance at love – you have to get out there, join Free and Single and make it happen for yourself!

 

Click through now and start your journey, make love happen for yourself by joining Free and Single today.

Join Free and Single today to start looking for love!

We have all been there at one point or another. You get through the mandatory ‘How are yous?’ and the casual ‘You look goods’. You sit down to dinner together, ready to discuss everything over a cosy two-hour meal and *poof* Your entire mind shuts down and all you can think of to say is something along the lines of; ‘Oooh look, they painted the walls red. That’s classic for a dining room, that is.’

 

Its not an ideal evolutionary response that causes intelligent people to completely loose their ability to hold structured, entertaining conversation the moment they are alone with a potential life mate. You could even go so far as to suggest it is a downright silly function of nerves to prevent you from being at your best on a date.

 

However, the one comfort I can offer you is that it happens to absolutely everyone, at some point or other. So, in the spirit of acceptance, we at Free and Single have come up with a list of five conversational topics guaranteed to open up lines of communication and five that you really, really, really just should not mention on the first date.

 

Let’s Get This Party Started – Top 5 First Date Conversation Starters

  1. Are you from around here or did you move here?
  2. What was your favorite subject at school?
  3. How did you get into your career?
  4. If you had unlimited funds, what would you do on holiday?
  5. Do you choose dark chocolate, dairy milk or white chocolate?

This Thing is Shutting Down – Top 5 First Date Conversation Stallers

  1. Religion
  2. Babies
  3. Marriage
  4. Genes
  5. Crazy talk