Dating Advice

You know exactly who you’re looking for, so why is it so hard to find that perfect person?

 

Unlike other people, you already know what makes your perfect mate, so there is no need to waste your precious spare time dating someone who doesn’t make the cut. In short, you have defined your soul mate and you refuse to compromise. After all, you shouldn’t have to.

 

Well, I have news for you that may come as a bit of a shock – maybe make sure you’re sitting down?

 

Your finickiness about who is and isn’t right for you is destroying your chances of falling in love.

 

Yep, I said it. By being so demanding about the characteristics, careers, looks and lifestyle of your preferred partner, you are actively narrowly down the pool of candidates…and not in a good, efficient way either.

 

Yes, if you already live life to the full, you want a partner who slides into your life and fits perfectly first time around. However, that’s not love, that’s a figment of your imagination. It is possible that if you’re in that frame of mind, you’re really not ready for a relationship.

 

A relationship is about adapting your life and melding it with someone else’s. That’s why it is so hard if you break up, you have to untangle your joined lives to go your separate ways again. If you broke up and didn’t notice the difference, well, it doesn’t say much for the quality of your relationship, does it?

 

Try opening your mind to the possibilities. There is a reason why rom-coms always have the heroine end up with the annoying best friend instead of the devilishly handsome doctor who seems to good to be true.

 

I dare you, for the rest of the month, look outside your comfort zone when examining profiles with potential. Have you only ever dated Gemini’s? Go crazy, message a Taurus. Do you always date blondes? Try for a frisson of excitement with a redhead instead. Do you find yourself judging someone’s worth by their employment? Try dating someone in a different field of expertise.

You stand to be pleasantly surprised and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself compatible. I’d say it’s worth it – give it a shot today!

 

Got a first date lined up and feeling frightened?

 

Meeting someone in person, face-to-face, for the very first time is scary. There are no two ways about it, getting together when you’ve only ever interacted via phone or email before is nerve-wracking, fear-inducing torment.

 

However, there are ways to manage the fear, to make the meeting better and, what is more, to get over the terror in seconds and just relax into enjoying your first date.

 

Give them your full attention…

 

Focus entirely on your date: this could be silently repeating their name in you head before you meet in order to ensure you don’t slip up and utter your ex’s name. You should also concentrate on what they are saying, make eye contact and try to make them feel more at ease.

 

Give them a grin!

 

Get over initial nerves by smiling. It’s welcoming for your date and it makes you feel better and more in control too. Not to mention, nothing is more attractive than a brilliant, beaming, full-on smile. Just make sure you brushed your teeth before you went out!

 

Meditate your way out of nervy situations!

 

Calm wobbly nerves, shaking hands and sweaty palms with some simple relaxation exercises. Breath in through your mouth for seven seconds, then out through your nose for seven seconds. Visualize yourself as bright, bubbly and confident before your date. Picture the scene when you meet for the first time and have a run through in your imagination to make sure you don’t stumble or say something weird.

 

The temperature is dropping in the UK and USA and rising fast in Oz – but wherever you are, we’re all on the downwards slope into the holiday season. Make the most of your dates by exploring new places together and experiencing new things. Here are some ideas to get you going!

 

UK – Head to Castle Fraser near Aberdeen for a fairy tale date and wrap up warm for a walk around the walled garden together.

 

USA – If you’re taking your kids along to meet your date in New York, insure it all goes smoothly with a trip to the Big Apple Circus!

 

OZ – Enjoy spring in Melbourne with this selection of lovely picnic spots around the city.

 

UK – Here’s a crazy idea – head to La Refuges de Fondus in Paris, a short skip and a jump away from London. Enjoy the novel dining experience!

 

USA – Pop to the Butterfly Enclosure in Phoenix to enjoy a romantic walk among the butterflies.

 

OZ – Looking for a way to keep things exciting after a few dates? Head to Paramatta outside Sydney and enjoy a night in this luxe Park Royal hotel.

 

UK – If you’re in Manchester, head to the Castlefield Gallery to enjoy some creative and contemporary art together.

 

USA – Take a road trip out from Las Vegas to Red Rock Canyon to enjoy some fantastic sights and a stroll around nature together.

 

OZ – Get yourselves to Salamanca Place in Hobart for a date of people-watching, chilling on the waterfront and patronising cafes.

 

Confused that your friends and family tell you you’re charming, intelligent and hilarious but you’re still waiting for for that great partner?

 

Why are you still single? Take our quiz and find out!

 

1. How do you describe your dream partner?

a) Gorgeous, intelligent, funny, kind, well-paid – the whole package.

b) Anyone, so long as someone shows an interest!

c) They would be just like my friend, with romance thrown in.

 

2. Your singleton’s refrain is;

a) I shouldn’t have to settle for anyone less than perfect.

b) No-one ever notices me, so what’s the point?

c) All the good ones are taken already.

 

3. When you like someone, do you;

a) Wait for them to realize and ask you out.

b) Act into them one second and ignore them the next. Keep ’em on their toes!

c) Make sure they know you’re available and a good friend.

 

4. A cutie walks into the cafe you’re sat in. You;

a) You sneak glances, but otherwise ignore them when they catch you looking.

b) You bow your head over your laptop and pretend to be busily working.

c) Walk straight over to the bar to get another drink and say ‘Hi’

 

5. You bump into someone you sort-of know through friends. You;

a) Moan about how since you last met you’re still single and the weather sucks.

b) Ignore them, pretend you haven’t seen or recognized them and hide.

c) Say hi and have a quick chat about your mutual friends.

 

Mostly ‘A’s – You’re living in a fairy tale

Okay – love is about accepting someone’s flaws as well as their good points. Not to mention, what’s the fun in having a partner who is perfect in every way? That would mean they could never be at fault so the blame would always rest on you. Perfection is overrated, lower your standards a little bit and be willing to meet new people. See who you click with – then learn to love them for who they are, instead of for who you hoped they could be.

 

Mostly ‘B’s – You’re acting very unnaturally

You have to calm down! Your crazy hot and cold act is confusing, odd and a little bit scary. If you like someone, take a few deep breaths and keep your behaviour on track. Learn to be comfortable in their presence and keep to an easy-to-remember formula. Smile, say hi, compliment them and then ask an open-ended question. Remember to breathe between each step and let them answer and before you know it, you’ll have a conversation flowing!

 

Mostly ‘C’s – You’re not showing enough romantic interest

You’re a great friend and maybe you’ve known them for a while and are looking to take the relationship further. Maybe you’ve just met and don’t want to come on too strong so you’re playing it safe in the ‘friends first’ category. If you want a relationship with this person, you’ll have to move it up a level so they realize, otherwise it is never going to happen and you better get used to being relegated to that friend position. Little things; like touching their arm when they make a joke and you laugh, holding eye contact for just a little bit longer and smiling, broaching the idea of dinner between just the two of you and a lingering hug goodbye – these are all good ploys for subtly letting them know you would like more.

 

What if I meet my internet or blind date for the first time and we have absolutely nothing to talk about?

 

Well, go in prepared! Yes, I know it can be the ultimate worst thing in the world when you’ve exhausted the weather, what’s going on at work and compliments before you’ve even reached the bar for your aperitif, but you have to try a little harder if you know you’re not the most eloquent when it comes to small talk. Avoid blank mind syndrome by glancing over the headlines before you go out, maybe prepare a brief synopsis about the latest book you read or movie you saw (without spoilers!) and above all, loads of open-ended questions about your date. Everyone can talk about themselves if someone else is showing an interest. After a while, the conversation will start to flow naturally and you can relax and enjoy it.

 

I am so nervous about my date later today that I can’t concentrate on anything else, my hands are shaking and I feel physically sick. Help!

 

Okay, well that’s not good! You should be excited, not nauseous. Ask yourself why you are putting so much pressure on this one date that you’re treating it like an exam you never revised for? First off, you have to accept that it’s going to be fine – it’s a first date, not a meeting with a gun squad. The worst that can happen is that you don’t get on in the slightest and sit in silence for twenty minutes before they do a runner out of the bathroom window – and really, that means not only are you better off without them in your life, but you have an awesome anecdote to tell at parties. So, chill out, calm down, be prepared – that means outfit ready, cash taken out/spare card, a plan of how you are going to get there and back and a knowledge of where ‘there’ is. Let someone know where you’re off too and then sit back and enjoy the ride.

 

I have a second date coming up. I’m excited, but also apprehensive – the first date was good, but we had to try. If there is no spark at this second date, I think I should give up and look for someone else.

 

You know, sparks can be overrated. Sparks go out pretty fast – unless they catch on something. You know what can work though? (Taking the fire metaphor on a bit…) Remember how in Scout / Guides camp you spent ages rubbing two sticks together? Eventually, they set off a spark, which caught and started a hot, slow burning fire. See where I’m going with this? Sometimes you just need to give it time to find out what makes you and your date click. It’s not the movies, you don’t generally find out that yes, you both love Bon Jovi to the point of obsession as well as adore fresh sushi from that one little restaurant down town, in one go. You have to ask questions, get the ball rolling, spend a little time finding out about one another. Let me tell you, if you’re having a good time, don’t over think how it ‘should’ be. Instead enjoy it how it is.

What should I do to prepare for my first date?

 

What if there was a way to work out if they like you – really like you – that was fail safe?

 

Impossible, you say. No-one can ever know for sure without taking the plunge and asking. However, there is a way to get a strong idea of your crushes’ preference – do they see you as a friend or something more?

 

How do you work this out?

 

Body language. The mystical sixth sense that can help you decipher the feelings of that attractive man across the bar.

 

How does one go about reading this hidden language?

 

  • Posture if a good giveaway. Signs of nervousness, like fidgeting, swinging arms, moving from foot to foot – these all suggest they are anxious in your presence. If they make an effort to look confident though, by straightening up, pulling their shoulders back and standing tall, they are probably trying their best to look impressive for your benefit.
  • Eye contact – I’m not talking full-on, aggressive stare here, more excited flicking, longer than usual glances, lingering looks…Especially take note if you see the eyebrows raise a little when they first look at you and their eyes flick to look at your lips.
  • If she is fiddling with her hair or lipstick , or if he is adjusting his tie and smoothing or messing up his hair then they are trying to attract attention, keep your eyes on them and draw your gaze. A full head of hair shows vitality, touching the lips makes you think about kissing and adjusting clothing can be a status thing.
  • Touching is an obvious tell. If she is touching your forearm or your hand when she laughs, or if he is guiding you round the room with his hand in the small of your back, chances are they are definitely interested.
  • Lending a jacket or jumper is a guy’s way of marking his territory in a crowded bar. It’s also a protective gesture and a self-motivated one – when the jacket comes back it’s going to smell like you.
  • Smiling is a great tell – but check if it is a proper smile that reaches all the way to the eyes and across the face. They obviously feel good about being in your company if they are beaming a smile at you.
  • Nodding along with what you’re saying, especially if the nods are happening in rhythm with what you’re saying is showing interest and a desire for you to continue talking.

 

It’s coming round to that time of year again, folks…

 

The temperature is dropping (or in some cases, rising – you know what I’m talking about!) and ideas of a good time are turning to sharing mulled cider with your beloved, snuggling in front of a log fire together or getting out and about to visit friends and family during the holiday season.

 

What if you find yourself single during this time though? If you want to add a flirtation, a romance or a relationship to your Winter wish-list, join Free and Single today and get on your way to making it happen!

 

Our Guide to Fashion for Great First Impressions when Online Dating

 

Here’s round-up of our fashion and what to wear dating articles so that you can be dressed to impress on all your dates and upcoming parties!

 

The Dating Expert: ‘What Should I Wear on my Date?’

 

How to Dress for a Super Hot Date (This one’s for you, Aussie guys ‘n’ gals!)

 

Before and After: Does Appearance Matter when Online Dating?

 

10 Brilliant Outfits to Wear and the Dates that go with them

 

Dating Help: What Should I Wear?

 

Guide to First Date Outfits

 

Dressing for Your Date: Tips and Pointers

 

Got a date planned this October? Do something out of the box and away from the norm for a date to remember!

 

Perth, Oz – Nip down to the King’s Park for a picnic and enjoy some quality time together chatting, playing ball or frisbee and wandering around the grounds.

 

Boston, USA – Head to Drink, the best bar to get your very own cocktail mixed up to commemorate your date!

 

York, UK – Get in the mood for the spookiest month of the year by heading out on a ghost walk with a guide around the city.

 

Cairns, Oz – Take a pre-Summer mini break to the rainforest’s surrounding Cairns and head to cool village Kuranda on the sky rail for a great day out.

 

San Diego, USA – You either love it or hate it, but the Museum of Contemporary Art is sure to get the two of you talking.

 

Exeter, UK – Work on each other’s trust by heading to the Clip’n’Climb and abseiling down the walls.

 

Darwin, Oz – Head to the Deckchair Cinema Society for an evening enjoying the hustle and bustle of watching the movies outdoors now the temperature is rising.

 

Miami, USA – Go to the zoo for a day and have a whale of a time perusing all the exhibits and chowing down on ice cream.

 

Canterbury, UK – Make the most of the soaring acoustics at the Cathedral for a date with a difference listening to Verdi’s Requiem.

 

The Dating Expert is in the house, ready to answer your questions about first date etiquette, what to wear and how to combat those nerves!

 

Dear DE,
I finally got a date sorted for next week, on Friday with a guy I winked at. We’ve been talking online for a few weeks and I’m really excited – but I don’t know what to wear for the date to make a good first impression. I’m 5’4, dark hair and eyes, pale skin. We’re going to a bar first, then onto dinner.

 

Okay, first off, well done on organizing a date! I could tell in your longer letter that you are pretty nervous, so make sure you feel great before heading off on your date and it will translate. I’d wear a simple dress in a dark jewel colour, cut just above the knee to keep it from swamping your petite frame. Add low heels you are comfy walking in and a sparkly pair of earrings. Have fun!

Wear this jewel toned dress for a date to a bar and dinner to blow him away!

 

Dear DE,
I’ve been invited to my cousin’s wedding in October. The guest list is large and I don’t know many people going as my cousin and I move in different circles. I’m hoping a few eligible, single men might be at the party and I want to look fab so I can chat to everyone and have a good time instead of hiding in the corner. 

 

Sounds like a good time to give yourself a little pampering session to make sure you feel on top form when you arrive at this wedding. Stay demure for the ceremony (and warm) by taking along a smart coat and gloves and then reveal your glamorous self at the reception in a sequin dress ready for dancing in! Add a bright lipstick and don’t forget to take some flats – nothing ruins the mood more than painful feet! Try these Foot Fairies.

 

Submit your questions for the Dating Expert in the comments for next time!

It’s that time of year – still single? Get back to online dating school!

 

Some of you will have been at this for a while and just need a simple refresher course to boost your motivation. Some of you may be trying out internet dating for the first time. Some of you may not have had a hand at meeting dates online yet and are just curious to see what it involves.

 

 

Well, here we go! It’s return to school time, so learn how to get your dating skills up and running with our online dating lesson.

 

Check out our article about the Three Important Factors that determine how many dates you’ll get and once you know where you stand, you can start really amping up your prospects.

 

If you’re worried about how your children will react to you dating again or even want tips on How to Safeguard and Include your Children in your new relationship, make sure to read up on our great ideas for soothing their worries and keeping them involved.

 

Got a date all lined up but not sure what to wear? Our handy guide about Dressing for your Date: Guys and Girls is all set to help you out and keep you on track – regardless of the event or time of day your date is planned for. Try this great article on dressing for a Super Hot Date too.

Here's our dating 101 to help you get back in the online dating game

First Impressions count, so check out our little list of no-nos to combat first date nerves and keep you on track for a great time instead of a meltdown.

 

If you organise a date but have a last-minute emergency that prevents you from attending, make sure to read our tips on Cancelling a Date Gracefully – you don’t want to end up with a slew of upset former admirers avoiding you online.

 

Lastly, if you’re stuck for some date venues or ideas, keep checking back here – we post fab date ideas specific to every month for the UK, the USA and Australia! Here’s our list of fantastic September Date Ideas.